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Original poster

Colleague expecting lifts everyday and follows me and jumps into car without asking

187 replies

Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 15:35

I started a job in January, a new colleague told me she lived in the building behind me and asked if I could drop her home. I naively agreed thinking that I would gel with new colleagues quickly. However, this turned in to a full month of lifts in and out to work with her asking me personal questions such as my salary and then arguing with the manager for a pay rise. I got fed up when I was late once or twice in the mornings and she would call me demanding where I was and that she has been waiting outside my building. I finally stopped collecting her as I would sometimes wait 10-15 minutes for her and was feeling so annoyed at her attitude bearing in mind she never once offered to pay for petrol and told me she was so happy I joined as it was getting really expensive for her paying taxi fares. I was still stuck bringing her home as she would just follow me out to the car and sit in. She commented twice on my personal belongings being in the car asking wow is this a sweet shop/beauty salon. It was driving me insane! This went on for 4 months until I finally told her last week that I’m not insured to carry passengers and if I have an accident they won’t pay out so I can’t bring her. The journey was awkward she seemed upset but seemed to understand. I went in the following day and she interrupted a conversation I was having with another colleague to ask when I was going home, I said I told you I’m not insured so she insisted I should drop her to the closest taxi station when I declined. I thought she got the hint but the day after she asked again, I replied no. Today, she snapped at me infront of colleagues and deliberately tried to make me feel incompetent. I ignored her and just as everyone was about to leave she asked me for a lift again, I told her I’m not a taxi service and she looked at me in shock. The problem is I’ve heard her complain about me behind my back preciously and she’s told me the other staff don’t like me/think I lied to get the job which I later found out to be untrue. What is it with these people and what can I do? It’s driving me insane!!

Update: the day I told her “I’m not a taxi, I went to sign out as I was trying to get rid of her before she followed me out to the car. As she has also used the excuse before that I hadn’t told her and that she has no way home in an accusationary manner or asked me to ask another colleague for her as if I owe her something. Anyway, I ended up signing out forgetting that day we were to stay late for meetings and the management didn’t look too impressed.

OP posts:
MumW · 27/04/2018 16:49

I would speak to your line manager or HR for advice as this is affecting how she treats you in work.
^This
As well as being detrimental to your work performance. After all, you were so stressed about avoiding her you forgot an after work meeting, you're constantly worrying what she's said about you to other colleagues, etc etc
Flowers

LoniceraJaponica · 27/04/2018 16:54

Why did you tell her how much you earn? If anyone had asked me I would have told them it was none of their business.

poobumwee · 27/04/2018 16:56

What Gemini69 said

Just continue to say no. she's a CF expecting you to give her a lift and not contribute a penny. Cannot stand people who take the piss like that!

ToadOfSadness · 27/04/2018 16:58

I would also drive somewhere else when she gets in. Or take her miles out of her way and drop her at a station or bus stop. When she gets in tell her you are not going home.

Can you ensure that the passenger door is locked so she can't get in? Keep some stuff on the seat so she can't sit down.

m0therofdragons · 27/04/2018 16:58

She is "of color"?! Wow, even my grandmother understands that's not an appropriate phrase.

Just say "the lifts just aren't working for me. I need time in the morning and on the way home to collect my thoughts so that means being alone in my car."

NickyNackyNoodleNoo · 27/04/2018 16:58

Do you know what? You don't need an excuse not to give her a lift, she's a cheeky entitled mare who is trying to undermine you.

humblesims · 27/04/2018 16:59

It would have been harsher but more effective in the long run to be straight and tell her you don't intend to give her lifts anymore because she's an entitled, irritating PITA
This. She is taking the piss.

HollowTalk · 27/04/2018 17:01

How did she manage to get to work before you started there?

OfficerVanHalen · 27/04/2018 17:01

actually m0ther, 'of colour' is currently considered an acceptable term for non white people, it's 'coloured' which is offensive.

LoniceraJaponica · 27/04/2018 17:02

Why is she getting a taxi to work every day? Is there no public transport?

TheJoyOfSox · 27/04/2018 17:06

What has she said about you behind your back? If she said “Drivendimented s being arsey with me” just say to her, next time she follows you, asks for a lift or slags you off in front of colleagues, “ I really don’t feel inclined to give you a lift when you’re telling everyone I’m being an arse” obviously insert whatever it is she actually said.

At the end of the day, none of us mind sharing a lift if the person receiving the lift shows some thanks by way of verbal or physical acknowledgment. She is taking you for a mug. You are under no obligation to giver her freeloading arse a ride in to work.

MNscum · 27/04/2018 17:07

Doesn’t matter if she believes the reason or not, she can’t prove otherwise.

Years ago my workplace tried to make me move office 45 miles away and said I shouldn’t have a problem as I had a car. I told my boss my car was actually dh’s car and he wouldn’t give me permission to drive it long journeys. Shouldn’t think she believed me for a minute but it solved my problem for me.

juneau · 27/04/2018 17:08

she has made previous remarks of how she’s been treated unfairly in other circumstances and when she asked about my salary at the start she made it out that it was because I’m white and a native English speaker.

If she has a problem with how she's being treated at work then she should take it up with her manager, not take out her outrage on you. She does indeed sound unhinged, but she clearly feels that you 'owe' her somehow for what she sees as your privileged position. Please, talk to your manager. She is bullying you, pure and simple, and regardless of her race or anything else that is completely unacceptable.

sausagedogsmakechipolatas · 27/04/2018 17:10

Say no. Get in your car, engage the central locking, drive off.

InR3alThym3 · 27/04/2018 17:11

I've seen this happen a few times. Why do people apply for jobs without sorting out their own transport ? She needs to walk, bicycle, bus, taxi. Tell her you go to a club every night, so you are unable to provide lifts.

StormTreader · 27/04/2018 17:11

"Honestly? I've heard the nasty things you've been saying about me at work and I don't see why I should give you any more lifts anywhere."
Done.

Andylion · 27/04/2018 17:12

OP, you have already told her that you are not a taxi service. Just keep repeating that.

ALongHardWinter · 27/04/2018 17:15

Liftzilla! Grin

Namechange128 · 27/04/2018 17:21

Agree with pps to stop. I'd also suggest mentioning to your manager, sounds like she's likely to make trouble and so this is work related. I'd want to know if one of my team was going through this, and would have their back.

chickenowner · 27/04/2018 17:21

This happened to me in my first job many years ago. A colleague would wait for me to walk past her classroom with my coat and bag and would get up and follow me to my car.

I started telling her I wasn't going straight home.

TERFragetteCity · 27/04/2018 17:23

If someone got into my car without asking, I'd drive in the opposite direction until they started freaking out, explain that I wasn't even going home tonight, and pull over and let them get out and sort themselves out.

They wouldn't be in my car ever again.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 27/04/2018 17:25

If your managers weren't impressed about you missing a meeting, I'd explain why (without going into all the details) so this doesn't affect you in that way.

Then I'd go to HR and just ask them to log it.

Then I'd ignore her comments - all this stuff she's told you that turned out to be true - and keep her firmly at arm's length. She's got more front than Skegness but you need to be firm with people like that because they've always got a counter-arguement and a staggering inability to take no for an answer!

NameChangeOnTheRegular · 27/04/2018 17:27

"Honestly? I've heard the nasty things you've been saying about me at work and I don't see why I should give you any more lifts anywhere."
Done.

This. Also yes to HR, if she's saying untrue things about you.
Or if you really, really can't... say you're going straight to the gym from now on.

Orangecake123 · 27/04/2018 17:30

She sounds insane.

Let her get in. Wonderfully it's the same day you choose to drive to a nice quiet English village 4 hours away, or start doing the large supermarket shop on the way home.

TomRavenscroft · 27/04/2018 17:31

I'd log it with HR too. And if she follows you out to your car again, say 'I'm not opening the door until you've gone away' and stand there until she does so.

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