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Original poster

Colleague expecting lifts everyday and follows me and jumps into car without asking

187 replies

Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 15:35

I started a job in January, a new colleague told me she lived in the building behind me and asked if I could drop her home. I naively agreed thinking that I would gel with new colleagues quickly. However, this turned in to a full month of lifts in and out to work with her asking me personal questions such as my salary and then arguing with the manager for a pay rise. I got fed up when I was late once or twice in the mornings and she would call me demanding where I was and that she has been waiting outside my building. I finally stopped collecting her as I would sometimes wait 10-15 minutes for her and was feeling so annoyed at her attitude bearing in mind she never once offered to pay for petrol and told me she was so happy I joined as it was getting really expensive for her paying taxi fares. I was still stuck bringing her home as she would just follow me out to the car and sit in. She commented twice on my personal belongings being in the car asking wow is this a sweet shop/beauty salon. It was driving me insane! This went on for 4 months until I finally told her last week that I’m not insured to carry passengers and if I have an accident they won’t pay out so I can’t bring her. The journey was awkward she seemed upset but seemed to understand. I went in the following day and she interrupted a conversation I was having with another colleague to ask when I was going home, I said I told you I’m not insured so she insisted I should drop her to the closest taxi station when I declined. I thought she got the hint but the day after she asked again, I replied no. Today, she snapped at me infront of colleagues and deliberately tried to make me feel incompetent. I ignored her and just as everyone was about to leave she asked me for a lift again, I told her I’m not a taxi service and she looked at me in shock. The problem is I’ve heard her complain about me behind my back preciously and she’s told me the other staff don’t like me/think I lied to get the job which I later found out to be untrue. What is it with these people and what can I do? It’s driving me insane!!

Update: the day I told her “I’m not a taxi, I went to sign out as I was trying to get rid of her before she followed me out to the car. As she has also used the excuse before that I hadn’t told her and that she has no way home in an accusationary manner or asked me to ask another colleague for her as if I owe her something. Anyway, I ended up signing out forgetting that day we were to stay late for meetings and the management didn’t look too impressed.

OP posts:
Thehop · 27/04/2018 17:39

Exactly what troubledlitchen said

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2018 17:43

Keep saying no, if she continues to harass you, report her to your line manager. What a CF with more front than the Taj Mahal!

Nikephorus · 27/04/2018 17:50

When I said no and that it’s because of insurance they seemed to understand.
I'm guessing they all nodded while thinking 'ah yes, colleague is a CF' It's a universal understanding. Grin

caringcarer · 27/04/2018 17:53

Tell her to sort out her own transport. If she persists tell your HR manager. Also if colleagues ask just tell them what she has been like.

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 17:57

@nikephorus even if I had misunderstood would you honestly want the headache of someone who talks down to you & then follows you to your car without even asking to maybe one day have an accident and then be stuck with her complaining about injuries and nagging you until ur insurance pays for her injuries when u didn’t even ask her to come. I don’t know her plus she’s saved so much money already and still walks around as if I owe her something which is why I don’t want her in my car.

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 27/04/2018 18:02

If she is this cheeky with you then I imagine she is difficult to deal with in general and probably has a well earned reputation at your company.

Saying that you got your job by lying however IS a legitimate workplace problem. I'd have a quiet chat with your manager and explain everything about how she has been demanding lifts from you for months and it has been negatively impacting your ability to work and she now won't take no for an answer and has been saying these awful things about you to other colleagues. At least you want your manager to know (if not HR as well) because she sounds like someone who's treatment of you will only get worse once it really sinks in that you aren't her free taxi service. You need to raise this and get your side of the story out before she does/says something worse about you. I'm pretty sure your manager knows full well what she's like.

Nikephorus · 27/04/2018 18:06

I meant that they realised that the colleague annoying you was a CF and were secretly congratulating you on having escaped her clutches....

NeeChee · 27/04/2018 18:10

I think it's far too cheeky and presumptuous to ask for a lift all the time. I was dreading a colleague who doesn't drive moving to my village, because he would have asked me for a lift all the time, and I'd feel bad refusing. I was secretly relieved when he handed his resignation in a few days ago.
It's a 10 mile journey but there are very frequent buses. I'd have been tempted to say I was doing to school run every morning and go the other way lol.

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 18:12

Thank you @rainbunny I didn’t know how to state it that it does seem like management believe she’s great as she acts all sweet and lightness to their face. For a while I believed what she was telling me that “all of the other staff thought I would be worse than the previous staff member who got fired and I took her place” I decided to distance myself from her as I began to notice other staff acting different towards me. Another member of staff snapped at me after a month into the job which I reported to the manager. However, since distancing myself from her the other staff have became more friendly and I even mentioned to the staff member who snapped at me that I thought she hated me and I was told everyone apparently wanted to “fight me” they looked so shocked and agreed that it’s my car and I shouldn’t have to give her lifts. I’m really confused as to who I should trust but I’ve just tried to do my job without people expecting me to be their free taxi service.

OP posts:
NeeChee · 27/04/2018 18:19

I'm perhaps biased though, I worked in a pub for a few years (as well as full time), and got sick of the regulars begging me for a lift home. After working 15 hours, I just wanted to go home, not run all and sundry around just because I was sober and had a car.

YowserLena · 27/04/2018 18:28

I was told everyone apparently wanted to “fight me”

WTF! She told you your colleagues wanted to fight you?!

ReanimatedSGB · 27/04/2018 18:28

She's obviously a bloody nuisance all round, but either management aren't fussed about her because they don't have to deal with her, or she's spectacularly good at her job - or she's a friend/relative of someone at senior level. But if your other colleagues are nice, you can just ignore this woman, pretty much. If she asks again, say, 'No, it's not convenient,' and if she gets into your car again, get out, open the door and say 'Get out of my car. I am not going to drive you anywhere.'

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 18:28

@neechee I usually don’t mind giving others a lift and would usually go out of my way if the person seemed genuine. But when it becomes expected and unappreciated is when I start to get frustrated. The whole workforce began to question why I wasn’t taking her and how much she was paying me. Once, my husband came to collect me and she had no shame in jumping into the car. I was fuming when gps took us another route (as he’s not familiar with the area) & she complained. I bit my tongue and when he went to fill up the petrol she sat there as if it was somehow really inconvenient for her. 😡

OP posts:
happypoobum · 27/04/2018 18:31

OK, you have posted about this before haven't you? The bit about the DH and the petrol reminded me.

Why are you still doing this?

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 18:35

@yowserlena yes on the drive home I had said I found a certain colleague to be friendly and nice and these were her exact words “you know, at the start everyone thought you would be worse than (the girl who got fired) and they were prepared to fight you, it was unfair of them to judge you before they even knew you” I was shocked and laughed and asked why? And she said “ugh drama”. Bearing in mind that I’m 27 and they’re between 33-mid 50’s.

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 27/04/2018 18:36

I actually had slightly similar situation. My colleague and her DH were saving for a house deposit and made a conscious decision to get rid of one of their cars, leaving her reliant on lifts from her DH and (nearly always) other colleagues. We were friends but I became very resentful pretty soon. Her house was 8 miles out of my way (not the bit I cared about) but due to traffic it would add over 45 minutes to my commute home and there was never any offer of compensation.

I started going to gym classes in a gym the opposite direction after work to avoid driving her. Other colleagues likewise started having various "commitments" after work as well. After about 4 months, she bought a car (which she totally had the money to do all along).

OnTheRise · 27/04/2018 18:37

You really need to tell her, flat out, that you are not going to give her any more lifts; and you need to tell your manager that she's bullying and intimidating you into driving her around.

She's treating you really badly.

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 18:39

@happypoobum this is the first time I’ve ever posted this as it’s something which happened quite recently... Can I ask you.. are you my colleague? You seem way too upset about this

OP posts:
sausagedogsmakechipolatas · 27/04/2018 18:41

Your colleague is being awful but really, you just need to be firm. Just stop facilitating her behaviour by giving her a lift! Don’t react to her drama, if she starts any at work glad to HR, and just keep saying no.

sausagedogsmakechipolatas · 27/04/2018 18:41

*flag with HR

Sunnymeg · 27/04/2018 18:43

I second the idea of going somewhere even more out of her way to make it harder to get home. I don't know if work would get involved in what could be termed an out of work arrangement. I have a friend who used to get a lift in with her boyfriend who worked in the same office. When they split she found it hard to get to work on time due to lack of buses in rural area. Work weren't interested in the problem.

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 18:46

@rainbunny, I wish it was that simple otherwise i definitely wouldn’t have dropped her for so long. There is no bus system in the area I work as it’s basically all families who have cars. Plus, it costs so much to do driving lessons in uae. I was lucky that I transferred my uk lisence but she says “I don’t want to drive over here it’s crazy”

OP posts:
Panda81 · 27/04/2018 18:50

Agree with PP you just need to be firm and clear. If she still continues then I would class that sad harassment and would report to HR/management.

Panda81 · 27/04/2018 18:51

Sad as harassment

ReanimatedSGB · 27/04/2018 18:56

Remember she's not your problem. I bet she's worn out all the other people who work there with demands for lifts, and the reason she tried to convince you they hated you was to stop you finding out that everyone else has marked her card as a selfish lazy cunt.