Colleague expecting lifts everyday and follows me and jumps into car without asking

[Drivendementedd]

I started a job in January, a new colleague told me she lived in the building behind me and asked if I could drop her home. I naively agreed thinking that I would gel with new colleagues quickly. However, this turned in to a full month of lifts in and out to work with her asking me personal questions such as my salary and then arguing with the manager for a pay rise. I got fed up when I was late once or twice in the mornings and she would call me demanding where I was and that she has been waiting outside my building. I finally stopped collecting her as I would sometimes wait 10-15 minutes for her and was feeling so annoyed at her attitude bearing in mind she never once offered to pay for petrol and told me she was so happy I joined as it was getting really expensive for her paying taxi fares. I was still stuck bringing her home as she would just follow me out to the car and sit in. She commented twice on my personal belongings being in the car asking wow is this a sweet shop/beauty salon. It was driving me insane! This went on for 4 months until I finally told her last week that I’m not insured to carry passengers and if I have an accident they won’t pay out so I can’t bring her. The journey was awkward she seemed upset but seemed to understand. I went in the following day and she interrupted a conversation I was having with another colleague to ask when I was going home, I said I told you I’m not insured so she insisted I should drop her to the closest taxi station when I declined. I thought she got the hint but the day after she asked again, I replied no. Today, she snapped at me infront of colleagues and deliberately tried to make me feel incompetent. I ignored her and just as everyone was about to leave she asked me for a lift again, I told her I’m not a taxi service and she looked at me in shock. The problem is I’ve heard her complain about me behind my back preciously and she’s told me the other staff don’t like me/think I lied to get the job which I later found out to be untrue. What is it with these people and what can I do? It’s driving me insane!!

Update: the day I told her “I’m not a taxi, I went to sign out as I was trying to get rid of her before she followed me out to the car. As she has also used the excuse before that I hadn’t told her and that she has no way home in an accusationary manner or asked me to ask another colleague for her as if I owe her something. Anyway, I ended up signing out forgetting that day we were to stay late for meetings and the management didn’t look too impressed.

Or you could discuss it with her again and suggest an alternative? Maybe take her into work or home just a couple of days as long as she contributes to fuel costs and is on time. Make it clear that she pays upfront and that you will wait no longer than 5 minutes for her. On the days you don’t drive her in make sure you have a reason not to do so like early or late gym sessions, meeting friends after work or whatever...

You should have been direct and honest with her to begin with.

You need to go to HR about any office slander that you can prove happened, and it doesn't matter that everyone seems busy.

The lift and taxi problem and how association with this woman have made you look in the office are partly self-inflicted on your part, sorry. You have only yourself to blame for the four months of shit you allowed. You even engaged in conversation with this woman who had invited herself into your car as you chauffeured her. Conversation about the office and people there, no less. You told her your salary. (Do you not have a non-disclosure clause in operation in your job?)

Don't talk to them about the lift/taxi problem except incidentally. You risk coming across as a complete incompetent, and the no-show at the after hours meeting will compound this impression.

Stop taking taxis.

Place several large cardboard boxes in your H's car. Stuff it to the gills so that nobody but you can sit anywhere in it. Leave room to see the rear view with the mirror, and to see the side mirrors. Use duct tape to tape the boxes across the top and down under the seats.

When she follows you out she will find the only place she can fit is the roof rack. Tell her when she objects or tries to shift the boxes that they are there to underscore what you have told her - that you are not giving her a lift anywhere ever again.

Practice a few phrases about how sorry you are for her own self inflicted problems that you are not going to solve for her. Repeat when (if) the two of you ever have a conversation about her problems.
It costs so much to learn to drive?
Driving is crazy in UAE?
No public transport?
None of her problems is your responsibility. It is incredibly simple. Stop thinking it is not.
Ans - "I am sorry but none of that is my problem and I want to make it crystal clear that I am not going to be helping you solve any of it."
Ans - "Yes. It's a problem all right. Good luck with it."

You need to put on your big girl knickers here.

(And you do need comprehensive insurance. I am surprised it is not a legal requirement.)

I told this colleague numerous times I couldn’t bring her/ I had other “errands” to run after work/ I continuously asked about a car lift option she was supposed to have secured etc but each day without fail she would run out the door behind me, follow me to the car and jump in. I also tried to make her feel awkward saying “oh... ur coming?”/leaving stuff on the seat etc she didn’t care (I honestly didn’t think ppl like that existed, how someone could have no shame to jump in and pretend I never told her is beyond me.

She's a nightmare.

You have to be far more direct. Next time tell her, "I am not giving you a lift again." If she gets into your car, tell her to get out and repeat that you are not giving her a lift. Just sit there. Keep telling her to get out.

If she still doesn't get out, I'd phone the police. But I don't know what they're like where you live, OP, so this might not be a good plan.

She's getting these lifts from you because she's prepared to ignore your boundaries and be rude to you. You need to be just as forceful back: tell her no, tell her to get out, tell her she's making a fool of herself. You can do it.

Please don't tape boxes down or get taxis or pretend to be doing something else. Just say no. Its really that simple. You don't want to, so that's it. Assertiveness is a necessary life skill.

And as for the person trying to scare someone with their driving. Really? I presume that required you to drive dangerously to some extent. What a drip. Having to drive in such a way that might scare someone and therefore probably other road users because they are too scared to just say no. Ridiculous.

Just tell her no. Iit's @sky rude, it's being assertive.

@happypoobum this is the first time I’ve ever posted this as it’s something which happened quite recently... Can I ask you.. are you my colleague? You seem way too upset about this

Blimey! Calm down OP!! I was the first one to call "Liftzilla" on this if you actually read your own thread. And yes, there was another post with incredibly similar details a few months back - I am not the only poster to have mentioned this.

At least you know you are not the only person dealing with such cheekyfuckery. I have no idea why you thought I was "upset".

Some cars if you put the key in the door and twist it one way it only unlocks the drivers door. Then you could maybe drive off pretending not to see her?

Must admit I'd be telling her to fuck off by now but then I'm quite blunt.

I agree with several previous posters that it would be a good idea to drive in completely the wrong direction every time she gets in the car, tell her you're going somewhere else for the evening, doing something horrible, then drop her miles away to find her way home.

I'm not trying to pry, but I'm wondering if there's a safety issue with buses? I had a friend from India who was terrified of taking buses even here, and in India a brother or her father or mother would accompany her when she had to go somewhere.

Can you not just be straight with her? I'm sorry but I don't give lifts to people I've heard slagging me off behind my back.

Is it possible to child lock the front passenger door

If you see her running towards your car, locks the doors and drive off! CF

Just tell her "I am not giving you a lift anymore because I don't want to"
If she gets into your car uninvited tell her to get the fuck out. If she refuses to leave drive to your nearest relative or friend, get out and lock her in the car if she still won't leave. Then go and have a cup of tea and tell them about the entitled fucker.

She sounds like my own headache on two legs at work. Tell her straight: if you don't get out of my car "Janet", I'm calling the police.

Get your phone out, start dialing and count to three.

If all else fails, lamp her one.

Happypoobum

Yes, that was a recent thread. The colleague had a disability and expected a lift. But she lived in a different direction from the poster's school pick up so the poster and daughter would get stuck in heavy traffic.

You should say no more lifts - straight out. CF's have a knack for over looking any hints or sarcasm. Think about putting child locks on your passenger doors so she cannot access them. Her behaviour is bizzare and intimidating. If it was a man barging his way into your car without being asked the police would be involved.

Just drive at about 10 miles an hour (doors locked) she’ll be confused, you’re going fast enough for her to try and enter but slow enough to still escort her home but in a much more amusing manner.

I would definitely tell your manager as this is harassing behaviour.

YY to telling taxi drivers that she is a non-payer.

You could also say you’re meeting someone after work and walk to another building to pick up your car/get a taxi? Deliberately stay late (arrange with managers so you could leave early another day - if possible)?

At the start of the day say ‘I won’t be driving you home - as I said last night.’ In front of people then in the evening just refuse to start the car when she gets in... tell her ‘I’ve told you repeatedly that I will not be taking you home’ and then put on music and get out a magazine. Stay as long as you need to... park somewhere visible so others can view her behaviour. - I’m a coward so would struggle with this but I think if you drive her home one more time then you’ll regret it.

OP
You’ve had some really good suggestions here and I think you should use some of them.
Nobody else can help you.
Nobody is going to come along and get you out of this situation except for you.
Bite the bullet and just tell her NO

Jesus wept what's wrong with you lot? Presumably you are all grown adults who have families and hold down jobs and run homes and you are advising the OP to tape boxes to her car seats, drive at 10mph, take massive detours out of her way, arrange to do to do things when she wants to go home, get taxis or lock the passenger door amongst other things.

How about the OP just says no? That's it. No explanation, no conversation. Just no. No silly games or excuses. Just a bloody no.

This is as bad as that ridiculous skip thread where someone got themselves in a tizz about a neighbour wanting to use their drive for a skip when in fact they had done it once and there was no indication they were doing it again. It was full of stupid suggestions like putting plantars on the drive, or telling the neighbour far fetched stories when all they had to so was say no. And had the neighbour gone ahead she just needed to go round there and tell them to bloody well move it.

I honestly don't understand the spineless mothering that goes on here sometimes.

*mithering

Daft, I think you’re right in a way. It’s important to say no.

But if you’ve read the whole thread, you’ll see that this lady has told the cf that the arrangement won’t work anymore, but the cf follows her to the car park, and gets into her car anyway.

Op if you’re in UAE you need comprehensive insurance, don’t scrimp on that. Don’t tell anyone you have it, just get it.

Also if you really want to rattle cf, say you’re going to the police if she continues to harass you. In uae no one wants the police involved.

Getting into someone’s car when they’re uninvited is carjacking and is a crime. Let her know she’s committing a crime by carjacking.

Write her an email and send it to your managers as well.

BUT before going nuclear, Start the ball rolling at work by talking with your manager and detailing how she’s stalking you, jumping into your car uninvited, and badmouthing you at work, and the harassment is effecting your efficiency. Let them know you’ll being a grievance case is they allow it to continue.

If the cheeky mare should get in your car again, how about saying " oh I'm glad you're here, I've an empty tank so I need to go and get petrol, but you'll have to pay as I've left my purse at home. You owe me at least a tank full anyway with all the lifts I've given you".

Who applies for a job without working out how they will get to work every day, factoring in the cost of taxis and/or the availability of public transport? Or are you in Saudi Arabia where she can't be on the street without an escort?
.

Why not just tell her you don’t want her in the car?

A Mum at school who works for the same company as me messaged me a few times asking for a lift, I went in extra early and didn’t answer her texts so I could avoid the inevitable. Thankfully our children are no longer friends and now she hates me anyway!!

Next time she follows you to the car do not unlock the car and get in yourself until you have said sorry I have already told you I’m not giving you lifts anymore and do not get in your car until she backs off.

If someone got in my car without permission I would ask them to remove themselves or I would call the police because I didn’t give them permission to be in my vehicle and I would follow through with it if necessary. As horrible as it is you need to start being firm with her. If she starts making your work life worse because of it then contact HR and explain the situation to them. Jesus...no way would I let someone just jump in my car uninvited, I’d be livid and if they didn’t get out when asked politely I’d be telling them to get the fuck out of my property before I called the police!