To be so tired of how people treat adults with allergies?

[T2517]

I have a severe peanut allergy, have done since toddler hood and am now 26. Over the last few years my allergy has become more of a problem than ever.

People are so selfish it actually blows my mind - there have been times when I ask nicely (I’m shy and anxious generally) if peanuts could be moved away from me because I could literally die breathing them in and I always get a horrible response. I don’t get if - I don’t do this for fun, I could literally die. I always move away from peanuts if I see them but sometimes this isn’t possible.

I am terrified that one day I will die because someone can’t be bothered to not eat peanuts. I hate flying because I always hear comments on the plane about how nobody can be that allergic to nuts etc. I am the last person to kick up a fuss and I hate asking people not to. I just don’t understand why people are so hostile about allergies?! It feels dramatic to say but sometimes it feels like people don’t care about your life. I’m not talking about it in food etc because restaurants and stuff have been super helpful I just mean airborne allergies and people not understanding.

I have to book a flight soon and I’m terrified. I don’t expect anyone to never eat peanuts again but just to understand that it isn’t easy to live with an allergy like this. I would give anything to be normal.

I try and see the best in people but honestly in the last ten or so years, I can only think of one situation where nobody moaned or complained about it when asking to not eat them. I understand that people don’t understand but when you’ve explained and it’s still a problem - then it does feel like nobody cares. It might be dramatic but it’s just how it feels when you’re in the thick of it. And normally it’s only not eating them for maybe an hour, two hours max. I would even offer to buy someone a replacement snack if it meant they couldn’t eat at all. I really do feel guilty asking about it

But OP, they might discover a cure for your allergy in future? We are learning more and more about allergies all the time. Let's hope that they can find a cure for this, because your condition sounds really distressing. And you might be able to eat Reese's pieces after all....

Since the LEAP study results came out a few years ago, it would also be great if we could finally see the number of peanut allergies falling. Fingers crossed.

Oh and the pretend allergy brigade - my aunt is one with a few things but she eats “a little bit” OMG NOT HOW ALLERGIES WORK but I love her anyway

There are some methods that are starting to work but they’re only offered to children under 16. I was just a bit too old for the trials when they started. Sorry that I’ve neen having such a moan on here - others have it so much worse. I blame the rain!!

YANBU OP. Unfortunately I think the current fad for people self diagnosing various allergies and intolerances means that those with actual serious medical conditions are not taken as seriously as they should be. Just look at how many people have just jumped on the gluten free diet bandwagon while not being coeliac. It is frustrating that restaurants do not always adhere to the strict standards they should do when preparing food and risk contamination because they just assume that it’s someone on the latest fad diet. However if they get it wrong the consequences could be dire.

I’m sorry people don’t take your allergies seriously OP. I am convinced that people like you need to be taken a lot more seriously as I remember seeing the results of a poor lady who ended up severely brain damaged and disabled from eating something with peanuts in at a restaurant on holiday (I think that’s what happened and she was on This Morning - I believe she was one of the production crew or floor managers or something).

I hope you have better luck in future getting people to believe you. I think as PP have said, it is probably more of a lack of understanding rather than any type of bad feelings on their parts.

I have a severe allergy to certain types of medication (not quite the same thing, I know), and it often takes me ages to convince medical professionals that I don’t want to try the medication they are offering as it may exacerbate my symptoms of a condition that was caused by my allergic reaction to a drug in the first place...

Unfortunately a combination of ignorance of just how dangerous an allergy that causes an anaphylactic reaction is, and the "special needs" eaters, who actually have nothing wrong with them, means people don't take it seriously.
I have a friend with a colostomy due to coeliac and two others who claim gluten intolerance but can, apparently eat cake and croissants as " they don't seem to affect me for some reason" ( because you don't have gluten intolerance, that's why...).
Peanut oil, counterintuitive as it sounds is actually OK if refined to SCOPA standards as it doesn't contain protein ( as per Anaphylaxis Society guidance) but unrefined / cold pressed, obviously would cause a reaction.
It's the refined type that's used in processed foods due to it's high smoke point ( good for frying).

We were on an early morning 4 hour flight recently with 3 young children. They hadn't had breakfast but we had packed one for them. On the flight it was announced there was someone with a nut, rice, wheat and dairy allergy. So the sandwiches, rice cakes and muesli bars could not be eaten nor could any food on the menu be served. We had an apple each for them but everyone was upset about it. I did wonder how often someone that allergic copes in everyday life.

Oh OP I feel for you. I knew someone quite a few years ago who had a peanut allergy and he had an awful time of it. This was back in the mid nineties when there was much less awareness and knowledge of allergies in general,so he had a hard time convincing people to take him seriously. But..... I will say this. So many individuals nowadays have jumped on the 'allergy bandwagon' that it starts to irritate the shit out of a lot of people. I'm talking about people who say they are allergic to gluten,when they're not really. A person with coeliac disease is REALLY allergic to gluten. People who say they are allergic to lactose and dairy when really it's an intolerance,which is not the same as an allergy. They are on some health kick that excludes lactose and dairy,so they tell people they're allergic to it. This behaviour is unfair to people who really DO suffer from an allergy,whether it's peanuts,gluten or whatever. It makes society less tolerant towards them when they are confronted every day with people claiming to be allergic,who aren't.

Unfortunately it’s the fake intolerance faddy dieters who have caused this problem. I have a genuine allergy. I have two friends with recently discovered gluten intolerances who pick and choose when it’s a problem but hey it’s great for weight loss! I think my allergy has somehow been downgraded to some kind of fad too.

I genuinely just think that airlines should totally ban nuts on flights.

I hate this. My sister had severe allergies with asthma as a child and a child relative is going through difficult diagnosis process for her bad chest, she has infection and intolerances and suspected asthma. I just get a prickly throat when I eat peanuts and the occasional but of ezcma but am always correcting people about false allergies. I'm also a fussy eater and when I ask for a vegetarian or milk free option at restaurant and people ask if I have allergies and I never say I am, and have explained to many waiting staff what I know about the difference between anaphylaxis and wanting to eat a healthy diet...

My sister was hospitalised as a child for going to a party where a snack was fried in peanut oil.. The mum felt so bad as she was going through packets over the phone but packaging was less clear back then... A few years later she ate some satey sause at a restaurant when my mums back was turned.. No reaction, allergies are strange things, she still left the kitchen when someone got out peanut butter.

OP please don’t write off Thailand as a destination

I have a severe tree nut allergy and visited for the first time a couple of months ago and I’ll admit I was absolutely terrified before going about having an anaphylactic reaction but I’d decided that I won’t let this rule my life.

I carried a translation card explaining about my allergy and every single person I spoke to was so accommodating of it. I know you said you get lovely treatment in restaurants over here but to be honest I don’t see that. It makes me avoid eating out because all you get are non commital comments that they can’t guarantee anything and it’s just so unhelpful. I didn’t get that at all in Thailand, everyone was super lovely about it, much more so than in the UK.

Going off topic a little but please do write off Thailand.

I lived there for 8 years (left last year) and spoke reasonable Thai. They think that allergies and other dietary requirements are fads.

I have no idea how many times I heard them laughing at their inability to understand a 'falang' in a restaurant when it was an important question or "just take the chicken out" when someone was veggie or vegan.

I really sympathise with you. My DS has a severe nut allergy and it restricts his life considerably. He didn't go to birthday parties as a child. We only eat out in a few fast food places. It's really hard to buy cake or desserts in shops.
We went abroad with him once, to Europe and they asked people not to eat nuts on the plane., I could hear people complain.
Another child I know had a reaction from using a computer keyboard at school, someone eating nuts had previously used, we can't really keep allergic children off school.

Anxiety is the biggest issue here than culture.... Do your own research on allergies and anaphylaxis, I had a friend who was binded in Thailand from a falling fan, its never going to be a safe country but creating a sterlie allergy free environment at a curtain age is likely to be worse for allergies... Research is condrodictary, UK law means waiters would not want to commit it having a completly nut free environment...

Don’t airlines and restaurants have to take this seriously? Are the liable if they are informed of a serious allergy, choose to ignore it and as a result cause someone to be ill or worse?

I am very allergic to peanuts too. I have met so many ignorant people over the years. Former colleagues used to never tire or saying lets play Russian roulette with a pack of revels- sooo funny! They would try and catch me out by saying I'm sure that so and so you are eating has nuts in, as if I just made it up to draw attention to myself. In my teenage years I hated people knowing and even tried to hide a reaction in the toilets at school because I didn't want people to know - luckily a very sensible girl in my year called for help when she saw my swollen lips.

Thailand has a racism problem too. As someone who looks almost Thai, the reaction I produce when I ask for something is very different than if my white / Indian looking friends do even though I don’t speak Thai.

Yadnbu - really feel for you, as someone up thread said it speaks volumes about someone who is irritated at being mildly inconvenienced about their snack when someone's life is at stake.
It's a blurry line the allergy/intolerance thing definitely made worse by the pretenders or 'for health reasons'. DS has severe eczema and some things can bring him out in a full body flare - he is not coeliac or anaphylactic to anything but it can have a massive impact on his health - cracked and bleeding to point of not being able to function. Dust, fur and wheat, chlorine avoidance considerably improves this but we are in the tricky situation of having to say ' no, he won't die but it does make him very ill' then the eye rolling start so it's not just adults who aren't took seriously
I don't think people appreciate just how much hard work and effort goes into reducing potential problems for an allergy sufferer - for us the trip planning, daily bed change, daily floor/mattress hoovering, party invite menu checks, no swimming lessons, no playdates at pet holders houses, no overnight hotel stays without water filter/bedding etc the list is endless and exhausting and quite upsettingly restrictive for an 8yr old
Can only imagine how hard it is for you when it's life threatening, it must be exhausting.

Please do look up www.allergyuk.org
We have resources available for travelling with allergies, we are.also working with the Civil Aviation Authority to improve awareness of allergies on planes. If you would like to get involved with the work, please do dm me. We're looking for case studies in advance if a meeting with them in Sep. Or just donate, it helps fund a helpline that provides advice to the public.

I think a huge part of the problem is, how some people throw the word “allergy” around, for when they just don’t like something or have become sick after eating it once (food poisoning) so you just become accustomed to it.

My mate one told me she was allergic to cheese and then tucked into a loaded cheese pizza. I was like I thought you were allergic? She said only to uncooked cheese. Erm ok then.

It desensitises people to the real issues, when someone says it, I just think, here we go again... another one with “allergies.”

I'm allergic to chilli. So many people seem to think this means I just don't like spicy food! I can't count the number of times the question 'does this have chilli in it?' is answered with 'it's not hot'. That's not what I asked! So often when I ask to see the ingredients/speak to the chef I discover that yes it does contain chilli. I've actually been tempted to put my epipen on the table before ordering and asking to see if it makes a difference...

About two years ago I ended up hospitalised after a friend's house party. She'd made turkey burgers and told me the ingredients were 'turkey mince, lemon juice, coriander, and soy sauce'. She'd totally left out the sweet chilli sauce she'd stirred through it because 'it's only sweet chilli, it's not spicy'.

And I know what you mean re, previously safe things/places now being a problem. Chilli is suddenly in everything. Beef burger? Have to check. Lasagne? Have to check. Bloody chips? Have to check.