To be so tired of how people treat adults with allergies?

[T2517]

I have a severe peanut allergy, have done since toddler hood and am now 26. Over the last few years my allergy has become more of a problem than ever.

People are so selfish it actually blows my mind - there have been times when I ask nicely (I’m shy and anxious generally) if peanuts could be moved away from me because I could literally die breathing them in and I always get a horrible response. I don’t get if - I don’t do this for fun, I could literally die. I always move away from peanuts if I see them but sometimes this isn’t possible.

I am terrified that one day I will die because someone can’t be bothered to not eat peanuts. I hate flying because I always hear comments on the plane about how nobody can be that allergic to nuts etc. I am the last person to kick up a fuss and I hate asking people not to. I just don’t understand why people are so hostile about allergies?! It feels dramatic to say but sometimes it feels like people don’t care about your life. I’m not talking about it in food etc because restaurants and stuff have been super helpful I just mean airborne allergies and people not understanding.

I have to book a flight soon and I’m terrified. I don’t expect anyone to never eat peanuts again but just to understand that it isn’t easy to live with an allergy like this. I would give anything to be normal.

OMFG I am horrified that people done that to you at uni OP! That is utterly disgusting! It is this constant culture of how allergies are either a joke or a fad and not something seriously life threatening.

People are inherently selfish. If they've got themselves a snickers then they're looking forward to eating it and are miffed that they can't. They're disbelieving that you breathing the same air that their chocolate is in could kill you. They also want their 'money's worth and feel annoyed that they can't eat their freebie peanuts because of you.

It's obviously selfish and wrong

Oh god that is awful. I have been lucky in that all my family and friends and any boyfriends have always been amazing. Just a few bitches at uni who went through my food, found one “may contain” and accused me of making the whole thing up. Something about allergies makes people so weird. Like that awful story about the gran who tried to feed her baby GD allergen laced cookies to “prove” she wasn’t allergic and nearly killed her.

Totally agree with stopfuckingshoutingatme. The problem is largely caused by fussy eaters & attention seekers claiming allergies & intolerances that they don't actually have.

Oh the icing on the cake was the balloon that was attached to the cupboard that said “please don’t die”. I tried to laugh it off but I have never felt more worthless or insignificant.

I think the problem is a lot of people say their allergic to things when their not so others don't no what to believe.
I've been in a flight where we were asked not to have peanuts because of someone with an allergy, it never crossed my mind that someone would lie about it but the couple behind us said someone probably has and went really arsey that they couldn't have peanuts.
I've met people that say their allergic to something when I asked them about it they say 'oh I'm not allergic but I just don't like it' this must make it hard for people like you, I wish others would be honest and respect other people

Yanbu. It must be practically terrifying for you. I don't know what the solution is but I am always mindful of this and I agree you shouldn't have to curtail your life just so someone somewhere can eat a Snickers bar.

I have so much sympathy for you, this sounds awful. However, in some of your scenarios I'm not sure what you wanted done. Eg someone eating nuts on a train - if you asked me to stop I would do, instantly, but surely the odds are very high you won't see me beforehand, and what then? On the riverboat - did you want her to throw away all the peanuts, as presumably even if they'd been away from you it would have been problematic if other people had had them and then touched things? If so, then when you got on board was too late - they needed to know in advance (and if they did then the fault is entirely theirs and you should have got a partial refund for being stopped from going on a scheduled trip)

People really don't understand, and I must admit I didn't until I had my DD. She's only one but people don't give a shit about her allergies either. She's allergic to dairy, soy and egg, though soy and egg is non IGE so the symptoms aren't as severe (although still very distressing). Her consultant wants to do a blood test for a peanut allergy as she has risk factors for a severe allergy and think it's too dangerous to risk direct exposure.

The amount of people that tell me to give her just a little ice cream, she will be fine. Yeah I'm sure she will feel great when she's covered in hives, face turns bright red and swells. You hear that wheezing? Yeah that's her windpipe swelling up, am sure that little bit of ice cream was really worth it I did start writing a massive rant but it basically boils down to other people being lazy, selfish, inconsiderate, entitled assholes. No one chooses to have an allergy, but people can choose to have a different snack or clean up after themselves. It speaks volumes when people think a minor inconvenience to their day is more important than someone else's life

My friend claimed to be allergic to fish because she didn’t like it until I told her what allergies actually mean. Like people saying they’re gluten free then I see them eating cake 🙄

It speaks volumes when people think a minor inconvenience to their day is more important than someone else's life

Well said Bambamber

The train I just moved away and touched stuff with my sleeves, not ideal but I could move. The boat ride - I got a full refund and an apology because I did inform them beforehand. It was just the attitude that I had a problem with, I would rather get off and probably would have done anyway but I was with my family and wanted to put on a brave face. I really hate causing a scene. It was just the way she said she couldn’t move all peanuts, like they were glued to the table 😂 my friend who stayed on said afterwards she had a bowl to herself so clearly wanted them as a snack. There was lots of other food available.

I can’t imagine how hard this must be OP.
Peoples lack of awareness concerning allergies is staggering. I run a local playgroup for preschoolers. I messaged everybody the week before and said that we planned on making bird feeders the following week, so did anyone have any children who had allergies to nuts/seeds and if so we could make apple feeders instead. Everyone replied nope, they were fine, we could do the bird feeders.
The following week less than 5 minutes into the activity a little boy’s face starts to swell and he comes up in hives all over his arms, hands and face. We call an ambulance, little boy is given antihistamines and ends up being fine. The following week I ask his grandma how he is (his Grandma brings him to the session each week). She says ‘oh yes, he’s fine. I told his mum he needs to be introduced to nuts more often but she didn’t listen and look what happened!’. Turns out she knew he had a nut and seed allergy, but had decided that the best way to handle it was to expose him to it.

That poor little boy, how awful. I think there has been some media coverage on medical trials that involve exposure to peanuts (tiny tiny bits and by doctors obviously!) and people think that they can do it themselves.

Enwi that was so awful, if you hadn't been aware of him suddenly having a reaction quick enough he could have died! Just bloody shows you how ignorant and stubborn people can be!

T2517 yeah some people are able to overcome their allergies with careful exposure. I had a fish allergy (nowhere near as serious as DS though) when I was younger and I appear to have out grown it and can even have sushi but that took bloomin years and tbf it wasn't a serious allergy to begin with (although once I wet blind in my right eye for a week and swelled up horribly on my face because someone thought it be funny to throw salmon at me at school)!

I agree this has been blurred by all the people who say they 'can't' eat certain things when what they mean is they have a dietary preference, so it means it diminishes possible threat to life situations such as yours because of others overstating their issue. A friend of mine went on an online date with a man who sent his meal back because there were peas on his plate touching his chips, he told the waiter he was allergic. She questioned this and essentially he was a manchild who ate no veg and objected to it touching his food! Needless to say there was no second date. Sorry things like that affect your life and how people treat your condition OP

If I were you, I would definitely wear a mask for air travel. Here is a link to one of the websites that talks about masks for peanut allergy:www.achooallergy.com/buying/allergy-asthma-mask-buying-guide/

there are all sorts of masks, some of them very good, and even if they are not 100% effective, they would hugely decrease your risk of having a reaction from an airborne allergen.

Ah thank you so much for that, I’ll have a look!

Also I have now ordered an allergy alert bracelet, managed to find one that wasn’t too expensive. It’s just like one of those charity bands

Sympathies - no nuts and gluten free must be difficult. Snack bars with nuts in are always in my bag as emergency food when travelling as gf friendly food can be hard to find at the airport.

It is extremely sad and frustrating.

Not the same but both my children were born with non-ige responses to dairy. One was allergic to egg and the other is to soy in addition. My eldest grew out of it and the symptoms are digestive discomfort rather than potentially life threatening. However, trying to explain to people and keep them from feeling discomfort they should need to can be very hard.

Every single person I ask for an allergy menu returns with the gluten free one. Or o have been argued with about how come my youngest (or I when I was breastfeeding her) could eat eggs when she can’t have dairy.

My issue was frustrating but yours is scary. I really feel for you and have no idea why people can’t be just a little more tolerant

And to the poster who suggested simply not flying - would that same advice be given to a member of the public who ended a wheelchair or a service dog? Or specialist toilet facilities in schools? Should they just all stay at home?

Passmethecrisps - how frustrating, ignorance about food allergies just baffles me!

I forgot to say that I haven’t actually had a reaction for a really long time - a mix of luck and careful management I think. Have had blood tests and checks and am still very much allergic to peanuts but have been lucky.

OP I feel for you, I have a family member who is very very severely nut allergic and I have witnessed a few anaphylactic reactions, the scariest thing in the world ever. My dear SIL has coped with this all her life for her DC, she now knows and is confident what to buy what not to buy, nearly every food item has the proviso ‘may have been manufactured in a factory with nuts’ such a get out clause, she can scan the ingredient list in nano seconds and make a decision. You will never achieve a nut free environment, either inadvertently or deliberately. As you have read others are not sympathetic and believe their rights are above someone’s safety. Unfortunately managing a nut allergy is your overall responsibility, no airline will guarantee a nut free flight as they cannot control their passengers decisions on what to bring on a flight and are then wide open to serious litigation. In such a situation, whilst not ideal, I would ensure I had plenty of masks that can filter the nut particles, in any environment, it might not be ideal but if it saves your life it’s worth the inconvenience, never put your safety in the hands of others who don’t understand the real implications, it’s about adjusting to life in order to be safe but you are in control and that’s the main thing. Shame on others I must say but the responsibility always lies with you and not others xxxxxxxx

It is good you haven’t had a reaction in some time but that will be your vigilance. I worked with a young man who thought he had grown out of his allergy. One hideous stay in hospital where everyone expected him to die made it clear he hadn’t grown out of it. Awful for all concerned. I do wonder how many of my colleagues who witnessed that had their attitudes changed

It is like people think they are catching me out in some elaborate and pointless lie. “Aha! I see you eating that Helmans mayonnaise - you are claiming not to be able to eat it through attention seeking and a desire to have a vastly reduced choice of menu”