To be so tired of how people treat adults with allergies?

[T2517]

I have a severe peanut allergy, have done since toddler hood and am now 26. Over the last few years my allergy has become more of a problem than ever.

People are so selfish it actually blows my mind - there have been times when I ask nicely (I’m shy and anxious generally) if peanuts could be moved away from me because I could literally die breathing them in and I always get a horrible response. I don’t get if - I don’t do this for fun, I could literally die. I always move away from peanuts if I see them but sometimes this isn’t possible.

I am terrified that one day I will die because someone can’t be bothered to not eat peanuts. I hate flying because I always hear comments on the plane about how nobody can be that allergic to nuts etc. I am the last person to kick up a fuss and I hate asking people not to. I just don’t understand why people are so hostile about allergies?! It feels dramatic to say but sometimes it feels like people don’t care about your life. I’m not talking about it in food etc because restaurants and stuff have been super helpful I just mean airborne allergies and people not understanding.

I have to book a flight soon and I’m terrified. I don’t expect anyone to never eat peanuts again but just to understand that it isn’t easy to live with an allergy like this. I would give anything to be normal.

Plus of course epi pens at hand always, and within expiry date and these are seriously not cheap (the country I live in we have to buy them, no NHS subsidy and they can sexy cost a few $100 at least) xxx

YAdefinatelyNBU, I used to think peanut allergy was the only allergy people took seriously, but clearly not! I am unusual in that I have extreme allergy to stupid dustmite, along with other things, but dustmite is the worst. Loads of people have DM allergy, but it causes my throat lips and face to swell up and breathing becomes difficult and I get covered in hives. I have an epipen, and take fexofenedine and cetirizine daily. I avoid bookshops, charity shops, second hand stuff, libraries and places with carpets as much as I possibly can. Have to ask in advance for hotel rooms without carpets, and carry my own dustmite proof bedding and plastic. At home we have no carpet and all my clothes are kept in plastic covers. It has significantly affected my life. I've been lucky to get desensitization treatment for 2 years and it has meant that I can read books again!

You get zero understanding, because at a certain level loads of people have an allergy at a level where it doesn't cause significant problems, so the two things become conflated. One person has dairy intolerance, which causes rash, stomach ache, diarrhoea, another has allergy and can't breathe and can become comatose. People are ignorant and think you're just being incredibly precious and self absorbed. Its crap. I'll also say allergy treatment is poor in the UK and their needs more awareness and financing in allergy research.

OP I don't have any allergies but I really really feel for you and yanbu

It is completely ludicrous that nuts continue to be served by airlines-a highly allergenic food stuff being served in a confined space where there is minimal access to medical care-can you imagine if someone went into anaphylactic shock over the Pacific??? Not like you can do a quicky landing anywhere!

I get that there's always going to be someone who is allergic to something but a nut allergy is one of the most common and most serious

Some times people are not born with allergies and they just develop.... I was very lucky as a student nurse to spend time in a desensitiveisation clinic, we were treating a guy, a passionate gardener who had had an anaphylactic reaction to a bee sting, he was slowly being desensitised, but trust me when we gave him the bee stuff (forgot the correct term so sorry!!) trust me we has the resus trolly next to him and the EMT yards away... in this case he reacted normally and was beyond happy although he did know he could still have an anaphylactic reaction on the future and always needed an epi pen on him, I learned so much in this clinic and saw such anxious people who were really frightened, quite understandably.

I just don’t understand why people are so hostile about allergies?!

Because some people are just ignorant arseholes, that''s why.
YADNBU.

One of the problems I think is that many diabetic people are told by their health professionals that nuts are a good snack to have when they're trying to maintain stable blood sugars, and there are a lot of diabetic people around who have to carefully plan what they eat. It must be very difficult for them to find themselves in a situation where they are suddenly told they can't have something they need to maintain their health.

The bloke mentioned by a PP who had such a strong reaction to peas touching his food probably had a phobia. It's surprisingly common and really debilitating, but again, it's something that people don't want to try and understand so they make critical judgements and comments instead.

The world would be a much nicer place if EVERYONE could be more tolerant and understanding of other people's needs.

I think it's because people have muddled allergy with intolerance. People claim to have an allergy to something when in actual fact it's an intolerance. Then the real allergy sufferers get shunned as having some mild reaction.

I have an intolerance to fish, it makes me have bad stomach cramps and very poorly, but nothing life threatening and it's gone within a day. I don't say I have an allergy to fish, I wouldn't die if I ate it, my stomach just doesn't tolerate it. People need to be less dramatic about intolerances to things so people like yourself are taken seriously.

I think there are two main things that impact the view of those with allergies.

One is that many grew up not knowing anyone with a peanut allergy. They fail to understand why there are so many people who now have it.

Two is the fad for 'intolerances'. My friends dined with a woman who said she could not have dairy. It was a Michelin restaurant and they were having a 5 course tasting menu. She chose her dishes and the kitchen changed the dishes so they included no dairy elements and made substitutes for those dairy elements.

When it came time for dessert, this lady requested ice cream. The waiter was baffled and said that the ice cream was dairy but they had made her an alternate dessert. She then piped up that she could eat dairy but she was 'trying not to eat it'. She put everyone to a huge amount of trouble for a fad.

I can only imagine how hard things are you for you OP. It is sad when there is so little tolerance for others.

"n a paper well known for pinching stories from here so didn’t want to mention it at first"

The Guardian? Got a link out of interest?

No it was the daily mail, can’t link it right now but was on the main page, about two siblings going to Dubai

When I was recently flying back from Amsterdam the flight attendant annouced at the beginning that there was a passenger with a severe nut allergy on board and therefore they would not be servcing anything containing nuts during the flight.

I guess this is a special request you can ask at the time of booking or when you check in?

Yes you can, you also tell the stewards as you board but not all airlines do this. EasyJet are great as are Ryan air.

That sounds awful for you.

But in your shoes I wouldn't be going on river cruises (or any cruises) unless they are aware of your allergy and agree to make the boat nut-free. I think it's unreasonable to expect them to spontaneously remove all traces of peanuts when you step onto the boat... they may not have anywhere to store them if they're everywhere as you describe (they could throw them overboard but that's so wasteful).

Flying with this level of allergy seems like a big risk as so many snack bars contain peanuts or peanut oil and many people are ignorant about nut products.

Also it wouldn't occur to me not to eat a peanut based snack on the bus/train. I would put it away if somebody said they had an allergy but if there was seating available in another part of the train I'd feel quite irritated.

That story in the DM sounds a bit different. The siblings apparently had a bit allergy but didn't tell the airline until the food being served happened to contain nuts.
Now I suppose the airline should not have served anyone a meal on the 7 hour flight to keep the allergic passengers safe but not providing food can cause serious health problems for other passengers.
I suspect there was more to it than they were told to sit in the toilets as the headline alledges. I'm also not sure how safe they would be sitting with blankets over their heads as the claim they had to do.
It's one of those articles where it's hard to really cast judgement because I don't think we've seen the whole story

It’s rubbish. I blame the people who have none diagnosed ‘allergies’ which are either just completely made up or are a mild sensitivity rather than an allergy but make a great fuss about it.

Come across loads of these at work who are ‘allergic to gluten’, or eggs, or milk but suddenly manage to overcome this when they fancy a bit of birthday cake. It pees me off because then people with serious allergies aren’t taken seriously.

The river cruise were informed and they also had a kitchen on board so that’s why it was so annoying. It was just the level of rudeness as well, not trying to drip feed but it was a while ago, just remembered she said “you won’t die!” Ah well all done with. I wouldn’t ask anyone to stop eating nuts where there are other seats available, I will always move first if moving is an option. I don’t want to stop other people living their lives and t really is a last resort. Nuts just seem to be popping up in places that used to be safe - they’re getting way more popular and being added to more stuff. Going to the cinema is getting hard - peanut m&ms and nuts are now joined by peanut flavoured popcorn and reese’s pieces..not saying people can’t eat them, it’s just making pretty much anywhere a risk now. Peoples first answer seems to be to not go there..which is fine if it’s one place but the answer seems to be to not go anywhere..!

Oh also it wasn’t so much the story that upset me as the comments, saying allergy “snowflakes” should charter planes..didn’t realise having a nut allergy makes you a millionaire!

YANBU . People are ignorant. Many have probably heard of potentially fatal allergies but don't believe it and think people are exaggerating. They are idiots. I'm a teacher and once accompanied a residential trip where one of the girls had severe and multiple allergies. She prepared her own food in a separate kitchen but still had a reaction and had to be rushed off in an ambulance.

Don't be too upset OP. Everyone is a snowflake in DM world

It does make everything much harder. I think I’m having a bit of a down day and am having a pity party. Got thinking about everything I am anxious to do because of my allergy or things that I won’t ever be able to do. A shortlist:

• live with strangers in case they prepare peanuts
• go to the cinema (I do but I get edgy. Still haven’t seen finding nemo the whole way as I had to leave due to severe reaction.)
• I’ll never be able to go Thailand or probably America either as I don’t think I would be safe
• reeses pieces actually look really nice and I’ll neevr be able to eat them 😂

I just don’t understand why people are so hostile about allergies?! It feels dramatic to say but sometimes it feels like people don’t care about your life

I don't think thats very fair. Most people have heard of peanut allergy, but don't know that its possible to be allergic to it just in the air. It sounds as if you are exaggerating (I know you aren't, but that is what a lot of people hear). And because we all know of people who do exaggerate, such as the gluten free when it suits them or the allergic to dairy except ice cream wankers, they think you are another one of them.

You have a rare allergy (very few who have peanut allergies have them to that extent) that people don't understand. Plus I think if you really think about it, there are a lot more people who have been understanding and nice when you explain rather than hostile or mean, y9ou just focus on the bad ones.

The biggest problem is the whiners and attention seekers, because there are so many of them. This means that many people think 'I'm allergic to [x] please remove it' means that someone either dislikes whatever it is, has read some shit on the Internet about 'harmful' foodstuffs and takes it seriously, or simply wants everyone else to make a fuss of them.

TBH I can sort of see the sense in a nut ban for airlines, because there is no risk of anyone dropping dead if they couldn't eat nuts during a flight, but then again, there may not be enough passengers with an allergy sufficiently severe to make it worth the airline's while (when set against the profit they make selling peanuts/food containing nuts).

I think part of the problem is the amount of people who claim to be allergic to things when actually they mean they’re intolerant or not even that, they simply don’t like it. For example there’s a woman I know who claims to be allergic to caffeine (?!) yet will gladly chug a latte down when she thinks no one is looking. So no, she isn’t allergic, maybe she has an adverse reaction to it but it won’t kill her. Because of people like this, I think allergies are minimised. So there are genuinely people who will selfishly think I’m not doing without my snickers because of someone’s so-called allergy. I’d imagine if they did cause you to have a reaction, they’d feel very differently.

Nuts were banned because of allergies on the last easyJet flight I flew on but of course it will be tough for them to police every passenger to ensure they don’t get out their pack of m&ms mid flight. YANBU at all OP, I really feel for you.

Oh and reeses pieces aren’t that great . I don’t know if they still sell it but when my DS started school three years ago, I bought him something called wow butter for his sandwiches at school. It’s a nut free alternative to peanut butter and it is honestly absolutely delicious, very close to the real thing. You could totes make your own peanut butter cups using that.

The pretend allergy/intolerance people are part of the reason for this problem.

My mother has an impressive can't-eat list, based on pretty much zero evidence. It's all so tiresome.