When did you start enjoying holidays with the kids?

[Holidayhell18]

I'm going to sound like an absolute cow I know, but here goes.

DH lost his grandma recently and she left him some money which he decided he wanted to spend on a family holiday to a 'dream destination'.

We're here. It's hell.

DD is 12 months, has just started walking and is into everything. This means she won't keep still and is forever darting off, giving me a heart attack whenever we're near the pool. We took her to the beach but she hated the sand. It's so so hot and I'm struggling to find anything to keep her occupied. The resort is ok but only has a small play area and I don't want her there all day especially in the mid day heat.

I'm a SAHM and normally it's fine because I've built a great little routine for us of groups and classes and friends but here it feels like those first few weeks again where I was totally clueless. DH tries but he'll pack the bag and forget nappies or wipes or hats etc... so I have to take control of everything.

Where we are is beautiful and somewhere I'd have loved to come before children, but I feel like I'm in mourning for my life (my holiday life) pre children where we could eat late and get drunk and lie on a sun lounger reading trashy novels.

So how long was it before you could relax and actually enjoy your holiday? Or does everyone do that already and I'm a shitty person and terrible mother??

I think it depends what age you like.

I found the baby and toddler stage boring as hell and being on holiday seemed to compound rather than alleviate that - the lack of routine was just ugh. My DD was a terrible sleeper till she was 18 mo which didn't help.

From when DD was 3 (DS5) I started to enjoy it a lot more as kids were more independent. We live overseas so actually our summer holiday is usually back to the UK - we're from a seaside resort so nice place to visit. We do beach, petting zoos, national trust, forestry commission etc and the kids really enjoy it. We stay in our house (rent it on Air BnB the rest of the time).

They are now 7&5 and I really enjoy ski holidays just the four of us, but resort holidays I prefer to go with another family/ families with similar age kids. We've had some great holidays where the kids all entertain one another and we share a catered villa so no cooking/cleaning. We also went to San Fran for a few days in Feb (first attempt at city holiday) and that was good too, although 3 days was enough.

I'm reminded of our first holiday with DD1. She was 18 months old, and wow, it was difficult, especially at night-time. We realised then that having an annexe area or separate room in an apartment for DD was essential, as she just wouldn't settle. My lingering memory of that holiday is that she got the squits, so our holiday was spent changing really gross nappies.

Thankfully, it was only 2 nights in a fairly cheap B&B.

What helps is to plan nap time well. Best way is to have your meal in a nice location, while baby is asleep in the buggy, after being fed separately.

We used to take one of the grandmas with us, that used to help, though it was a stress of its own. We've also had fun holidays with my DSis and her family, their kids are similar ages.

Now it's so much easier, both our DDs are school age. We can go to nicer restaurants, knowing that they can behave better, and no longer need eyes in the back of your head. We're going on the plane for the first time in the summer, and we're really looking forward to it.

So no you're not being horrible. It's such a difficult age to take DCs on holiday, basically same shit somewhere else without the routine you're used to.

I’ve loved all my holidays with the kids from 4mo up except the one I was suffering with severe pregnancy sickness (to the pp who had 3 preschoolers and HG: you deserve a medal!)

But it’s not important how others feel. How can you turn this holiday around for you?

1. Agree an hour/two hour period when you/your DH are in charge and the other parent gets to go and relax.
2. Relish nap times - at home we normally use nap times to get housework done right so just enjoy reading a good book instead.
3. See if you can buy an inflatable boat or child seat - when mine were babies I would swim around them while they sat in their little boat/seat.
4. Keep trying with the sand - she might just need to get used to it.

In short - don’t look at the overall holiday but find little chunks of the day that you can really enjoy.

Personally I find it’s find the right state of mind
Accept that as a parent of a young child you will still be always on
But at least you are in the sun and in different surroundings

It astounds me when people are shocked or surpass they can’t just lay int be sun al day like they used to
Accept it for what it is
Get your head around it and you will start to enjoy it

When she naps, get her to nap outside in the shade. Then get out your trashy book, maybe have a cocktail and relax.

Our first holiday abroad with the DC was to Marjorca when they were 1.5 and 3 and we had a great time. We were lucky though in that they were very easy kids. We went every year until we had number 3 then we didn't go for years, she was a very clingy and whingey baby and toddler and like your lo she hated sand, hated being hot etc etc it was just easier to stay at home. We waited til she was about 6 and started to enjoy foreign holidays again. Unfortunately we can't afford them any more!

Oh God, OP, I share your pain. We went on a holiday of a lifetime with DS aged 22 months last year. It was lovely ... For the two hours a day he was asleep. The rest of the time we spent taking it in turns to build sandcastles, walk around resorts picking up pine cones, reading the same ten picture books over and over again and watching The Wheels on the Bus on repeat on YouTube. All the while looking wistfully at the mountains we couldn't climb, the sun loungers we couldn't lie on and the restaurants which would have been lovely if one of us wasn't walking DS up and down outside in his pushchair trying to get him to sleep ...
This year we're going to the Isle of Wight for a week. We've got a new baby, so I imagine it's going to be even more stressful, but at least we won't have spent a fortune on it.

We gave up on holidays when the kids were young. It was hell with both of them, especially as they wouldn't sleep at home let alone in an unfamiliar environment. Kids don't appreciate it and adults resent the money spent when they still feel just as exhausted and stressed as they do at home. Mine were bolters too and like you, I was just having anxiety attacks every fine minutes. We ended up asking ourselves - why are we doing this? Because we feel we have to? Because it's what you do? It's supposed to be a break but for us it was way too much hassle.

Now mine are older and we first took the plunge again when they were 5 and 7. They both swim and so are occupied the whole day in the water and don't have to be supervised just as long as we can see them, they get so excited at the build up and can understand and appreciate what a treat it is. They are old enough to stay up a bit later and behave in restaurants, make their own friends and try new things and appreciate a bit of culture.

You arenormal op. It will improve - give it five years 😂

To be fair, they can be great but they’re different - you’ve got to do your research, and understand that a ‘dream destination’ pre kids is not going to be that with a 1 year old! I remember sobbing on our first holiday with DD, she was 7 months and I looked at DH about 3 days in and said ‘this is just the same shit in a different place!’. Now they’re 3 and 6 I’m so looking forward to our holiday this year - but it’s a holiday park in the Netherlands! The dream destinations can wait until they’re bigger (or even better have left home 😬). I hope things improve for you and you can have some fun times.

Likewise, I have had some lovely adventures with my DS, which have mostly been related to his interests at the time. For example, Ireland for beautiful beaches and rockpools, Italy for ice-creams and pizza, Norfolk to see seals and steam trains, Brussels to see the Mannekin Pis and eat waffles.

I have never used a kids club though, as surely if we are on holiday together, we should be spending time together? Just aim for shortish breaks, and turn it into a little adventure.

Yes we’re going Monday - Friday this year as I find that’s the right length for us at the moment, then after we’re back we’ll do a couple of days out.

I found holidays with dcs under 3 a horrible experience. I used to feel so envious of people lying there reading while their dcs swam and played.

Now it's me and I thoroughly appreciate it.

We didn’t have a pool/beach holiday between me being pregnant with our eldest and our youngest being 4.

In those years we went to Center Parcs and Disney.

I know no adequate relaxing would happen and we’d just be entertaining small children all day. So it was easier to go to places where there was plenty to do but also nice options for down time.

(Helps we love CP and Disney anyway so didn’t feel a sacrifice. But holidays are definitely very different now.)

Our recent holiday is the first one that has really felt like a holiday and hasn't been very hard work. Dcs 3.1 and 5.3.

I agree with someone's comment upthread re watery holidays with non swimmers. I've found that now they can swim it's life changing - well holiday changing. Prior to that they used to splash around in the pool for 10 minutes before starting to complain. Now they swim it eats up hours!

Oh wow, I haven't RTFT but had to reply OP because I know exactly how you feel.

We booked a holiday, nothing fancy just to a lovely bit of Cornwall for when our first baby was 12 weeks old. Silly naive pre-children us, thinking it'd be the same as our previous holidays, just with a baby in tow. We had a horrible time!

We've been away in the UK several times since, said baby is now 2. It is better now, we have a nice time but it is most definitely not anything like pre-children holidays and I wouldn't exactly call it relaxing. We weren't even wild before or anything either!

Baby number 2 is due soon, and I've resigned myself to not having a relaxing holiday similar to our previous-children ones until they are old enough to go to kids club or (preferably) be left at home for a few days with Grandparents (we would of course take them on anther holiday with us too!).

Good job they're cute isn't it!

I could have written your post OP. We are on holiday at the moment. I have a 3.5 year old and a 6 month old.
We had got to the stage where my three year old is excited by being on holiday and during the journey is happy to amuse herself.
Now we have DD2, I had forgotten that you end up taking half your house with you while you're away as well as the crying because she is hot or bored in the pushchair. She is also crawling so wants to be off everywhere so we are constantly dragging her away from hazards.
I'm sure it will get easier again when she is older but I definitely find holidaying with little ones stressful too OP!

We have had a couple of lovely UK cottage breaks - one in Norfolk when DS was 2 and one in Pembrokeshire when he was almost 3. In fact, the Norfolk holiday is probably one of the best I've ever had! In both cases, stayed in a cottage cluster where there are extra facilities e.g. outdoor space, indoor pool, playroom, animal feeding etc. DS loved these places, there was no problem keeping him entertained at all. The Norfolk cottage had a massive, fenced outdoor space with playground equipment so we could sit on our terrace drinking wine while DS ran around. We enjoyed visits to lovely sandy, toddler friendly beaches where DS just ran around in the shallow water and made sandcastles. And we mixed it up with visits to local attractions etc.

I do think it's a case of figuring out what suits everyone though. Last year we had a weekend at Centre Parcs when DS was 3.5 and DD 4 months, but it really didn't suit us, we couldn't wait to get home! DS doesn't really like organised activities, so apart from the swimming pool there wasn't much to do.

This year we have tried something different - just got back from a week in Italy on Lake Maggiore. We had an Air BnB, and we went out each day visiting gardens, cable cars, boat trips etc. DS is almost 5 now and DD is 20mo and both were really excited about the boats etc, and we enjoyed the beautiful scenery. The only thing I would say is that we spent a fortune eating out at lunch every day and it was a stressful experience and a waste of money - DD wouldn't sit still and wanted to play with glasses and water bottles, and DS was constantly whining about when his food was going to arrive.

Haha! I cried on our first ever family holiday as was so busy parenting a one year old that it just didn’t feel like a holiday!
He’s 6 now and we all love going away as a family whenever we can 😊

Also top tip - make sure your accommodation is cozy, somewhere you want to be as kids need down time so tiny hotel rooms etc don’t work!

We had our first holiday with dd at age 4 months .
We loved it, was one of the best holidays we’ve ever had .
Never really had an issue on holidays when she was walking or anything as it was the same as at home

We had 3 under 5 for three years (twins shortly followed by a spare!). We stopped hotel resort type holidays when the oldest were about 16 months because it was a exhausting keeping them alive, let alone relatively undisruptive to the other people around us. In the early baby stage we found that eurocamping was a big win. Playgrounds, kids clubs, on site restaurants with kid friendly food, and safe baby swim areas. They provide everything from cots to highchairs and potties for free. And having your own space in the evening is so good because you can self cater (so no screaming babies in restaurants 3x/day) and can sort of make it safe and also have a drink on the deck once they go to bed. We usually do a number of day trips on those holidays just to have a change of scenery, and usually they would sleep in the buggy or the carrier.

This year we are really noticing that holidaying is much easier now that the youngest is 3.5 years old. Everyone I see potty trained and can walk, and the youngest can have a little bit of autonomy at the pool with her armbands on. Nobody is trying to kill themselves anymore. We're testing a fly-and resort holiday in October for the first time in 3 years as it feels like we'd all enjoy that now!

We started travelling with my ds from 3 months. By the age of 2 he was so good at it that he knew exactly what to do on airplanes as well. He is such an easy going little boy, hes so much better on holiday than at home. I remember doing an island holiday for his 1st birthday, he was so happy to play on the Sand and in the water.it was actually such an easy one. We just carried on our routine from home
He napped and ate at the same time so it wasnt bad at all.

I think it can also depend on how much you're enjoying that stage of parenthood. I did not enjoy the baby and toddler years so 7 days straight of that was never going to be enjoyable, wherever I was tbh. I started enjoying both parenting and holidays when the youngest was three.

We've never been ones for lying around by the pool so self catering (eat out at lunch time, ready cooked chicken or cold meat and salad in the evening) worked well for us. We've walked and in the Lake District using carriers and kiddy seats, visited Loire Chateau , been to Paris, Rome, roadtrip in the States etc. Somewhere with a pool to visit for an hour or so each day is great, we can cope with being life guards for a short while. They particularly loved castles when they were small and used to lark about pretending they were knights on horses.