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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When did you start enjoying holidays with the kids?

183 replies

Holidayhell18 · 26/04/2018 19:33

I'm going to sound like an absolute cow I know, but here goes.

DH lost his grandma recently and she left him some money which he decided he wanted to spend on a family holiday to a 'dream destination'.

We're here. It's hell.

DD is 12 months, has just started walking and is into everything. This means she won't keep still and is forever darting off, giving me a heart attack whenever we're near the pool. We took her to the beach but she hated the sand. It's so so hot and I'm struggling to find anything to keep her occupied. The resort is ok but only has a small play area and I don't want her there all day especially in the mid day heat.

I'm a SAHM and normally it's fine because I've built a great little routine for us of groups and classes and friends but here it feels like those first few weeks again where I was totally clueless. DH tries but he'll pack the bag and forget nappies or wipes or hats etc... so I have to take control of everything.

Where we are is beautiful and somewhere I'd have loved to come before children, but I feel like I'm in mourning for my life (my holiday life) pre children where we could eat late and get drunk and lie on a sun lounger reading trashy novels.

So how long was it before you could relax and actually enjoy your holiday? Or does everyone do that already and I'm a shitty person and terrible mother??

OP posts:

SomewhereEast · 27/04/2018 21:17

We've done a week abroad every year since eldest DC was 1.5 (they're now 3 and 6). We enjoy our hols, but its definitely about managing expectations. The days when holidays consisting of traipsing around art galleries and eating in nice restaurants are gone. For us its worked to...

Go self-catering and stay somewhere geared up for children
Go short-haul
Stick to somewhere fairly cool (when ours were really little they got ratty enough in UK heat...really wouldn't have fancied Greece or Spain in August)

DailyMailFail101 · 28/04/2018 09:22

Oh dear! I have refused to go abroad with my children untill they are all four years old, it’s so much work. Try and enjoy what’s left and put it down to bad experience. I can’t recommend centre Parcs enough with little ones so much to do and usually short travelling times.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 28/04/2018 18:38

I am with you, I find going on holidays is such hard work. It got better when he was 8 to 11, when they do not need too much supervision and find it easy to make friend to play with. Then comes teenage and you start missing the child you once had! 😁

Lifeontheoceanwave · 29/04/2018 07:33

I love the judges comments about kids clubs. Our ds loves them. He goes when he wants and stays with us when he wants. This usually means he’s off having fun in soft play, doing arts and crafts doing treasure hunts, making friends from round the world, learning to be independent without parents clinging to him 24/7. If he doesn’t want to go that’s fine. More often than not though it’s us telling him he can’t go one night so we can do something else. At no point is he dumped, it’s what he wants to do. I don’t need my child to need me every hour of the day. Surely the aim of raising a child is to make sure they don’t need you so can go off into the world, happy and confident of their own abilities.

TorchesTorches · 29/04/2018 07:44

My kids are 5 (DS) and 6 (DD) We had a genuinely good holiday with them 6 months ago (when DS was 4).It was the first good holiday in 5 years! Excellent holidays up till DD was 9 months old. Then awful and stressful until youngest was 4.

RomeoBunny · 29/04/2018 07:47

Don't they have a creche?

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 29/04/2018 07:53

Going fully inclusive helps, as people stay around more during the day and there are more children for them to make friends with.

juneau · 29/04/2018 08:25

It's an easy mistake to make with your first holiday with a baby. Sadly, 'dream destinations' and small, mobile DC do not mix. All those shiny floors, unsecured pools and the kind of food and luxury aimed at adults are a fucking nightmare when you've got a 12-month-old to entertain.

You'll just have the make the best of this one OP. Can you ask the staff where is good to take small DC? At that age a gentle beach with plenty of shade, a splash park, a toddler pool, or a playground with sand pit are really all you need. In future, keep your expectations low and book something that you know your DC will like. While they aren't of school age you can take advantage of cheaper prices in term time to take them to sunny resorts out of season (when it's cooler), and pick places that come highly recommended by MNers! That's what I did for the first few years with my two. SC in a property with toddler-safe pool, play area, fenced, car-free grounds, etc is ideal and will give you a bit of time to sit under a tree reading a book while you keep an eye on your DC. This is the difference between a shit week somewhere (or, god forbid, two or three weeks), and a pleasant, if a little dull, holiday. Head over to the MN travel reviews for inspiration.

Oh and reading a book on a lounger, unmolested for a bit, your kids need to be at least 4 and preferably able to swim without flotation devices. It's well worth dragging them to swimming lessons weekly in between holidays to achieve this.

diodati · 29/04/2018 08:27

After leaving abusive XH.

LittleMonkeysWideAwake · 29/04/2018 08:30

Every age is great, I love love love holidays :)

But - if gets a bit easier after 3

malificent7 · 29/04/2018 08:35

Bloody hell...id say kids clubs are a life saviour but then i dont consider time with kids a holiday....call me mean!

Unfortunately dd refuses kids clubs...i feel very hard done by.

riddles26 · 29/04/2018 09:15

We did 3 between 6 and 12 months and loved them but they were completely different to our holidays pre children.

When booking holidays now, we tend to go for AI where food is available all day (not just limited to meal times) and children's facilities at the hotel that will keep us busy in event of bad weather. We haven't used kids clubs yet, but as she gets older and wants other children's company, we will be making sure they have them too.

The other break we love because there's so much to keep her occupied is center Parcs. We go off peak, where prices are at their lowest and spend lots of time swimming and cycling.

It all depends on the personality of your child but there will be something you will enjoy, just change your requirements and expectations (we didn't get good sleep on any of the holidays we went on in her first year, now she's over 1 and sleeping through consistently, it's much better but the flight is much harder!)

Ticketsfrom · 29/04/2018 09:26

You've got to pick your destination better! Hot is no good for small kids usually because you spend the whole time worrying if they're in the sun, dehydrated etc. Beach also not so fun till their older because of sand, exposure, water danger etc. We have gone to Morocco, USA, Aus & other destinations with baby and toddler but chose out cooler time to go and took turns with the kids! We relaxed when baby napped. Toddler had a holiday club to go to play at in the daytime.
You need to re-think what a holiday is. If the kids are happy then you are happy. We wake early with kids, do stuff, and go to bed early generally unless with friends and then one adult can stay up with the friends while the other does early night with kids.
For now we do stuff like Eurocamp in Spain or France where the kids have a playpark, maybe a games room, a pool and some other kids around - we still get to go to look at some culture type stuff or go to the beach but the base is basically a posh caravan where the kids are happy. And self catering means we cook how and when we like too.
We'll look at more 'interesting' holidays for the adults when the kids are old enough to enjoy it too...

Sleepyblueocean · 29/04/2018 09:37

We have an older child with autism and holidays are difficult, more difficult than when he was younger. We go somewhere close to home ( would never consider flying or a long drive) and tailor the holiday around him and they are manageable with some good bits but very tiring.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 29/04/2018 09:43

We just did UK hols, after a few disastrous exotic hols with babies and tots.

I found I could relax more once they knew how to swim properly (age 7/8 onwards)

Then you have a brief window of "anything goes"' holidays until they are teens and find it boring and would prefer to be at home

Echobelly · 29/04/2018 09:46

Holidays with young kids is work, no doubt about it. I remember one mum friend having her first holiday with two mobile kids and thinking 'Oh my god, this is what holidays will be like for the foreseeable'

It's been OK for us, as we both almost always holidayed self-catering, which is quite flexible when you have little ones, but I will say it's nice now that both kids (6 and nearly 10) are old enough to stay up to go out to a restaurant in the evening on holiday so we don't have to give up on anything after 7pm.

Chattycat78 · 29/04/2018 09:48

Out of curiosity, where did you go?

We used to go on holidays to the Maldives pre children. Clearly not possible now with a 2 and a 3 year old!

I totally understand where you’re coming from- i really miss the days sitting reading all day. I’m pleased to hear it gets easier 3 upwards...I have hope!.

yikesanotherbooboo · 29/04/2018 10:02

One thing that can work well is engineering a nap ; even after the children are past nap stage either back at the villa or in the car.. We have always gone to restaurants, visited points of interest etc as well as beach/ rockpools/ swim/ BBQ at our accommodation.

paranountain · 29/04/2018 10:08

Had our first holiday abroad when kids were 8&6. Loved it. First time abroad with them. That's how strongly I felt about 'holidays' it was Spain and it was amazing. They weren't blundering around like toddlers. They ate what we ate, at a reasonable time. Behaved in restaurants etc.

Loathed every shitty camping holiday before that. Uk drizzle and bickering children was grim.

moreofaslummythanyummy · 29/04/2018 10:10

I would say when they could confidently swim. Made a huge difference , they could take themselves to the pool while we relax a bit then all meet up and relax without being pestered that they want to swim and having to worry constantly . Independence makes such a huge difference .

happypoobum · 29/04/2018 10:16

I have taken DC on holiday since they were 5 months old, never had any problems at all.

If you can tell us roughly where you are we may be able to help more. Obviously not Europe as you say it is too hot. Is there a creche/kids club?

You mention the resort and beach but is there anywhere to go/anything to do for the day?

Bolokov · 29/04/2018 10:18

Never

GreySkiesAboveMe · 29/04/2018 10:22

You chose the wrong holiday destination/type basically.

You were thinking pre children.

Lethaldrizzle · 29/04/2018 10:25

People who don't like holidaying with their kids are too hung up on routines. Life is for living!

BarbarianMum · 29/04/2018 10:31

Stop trying to be in control of everything! Your dh will learn to pack a nappy bag, even if he makes some mistakes to start with.

We always enjoyed holidays, even when the kuds were tiny. But they weren't "relaxing by the pool " holidays when they were tiny. Self catering with access to a pool and in easy reach of some family friendly day trips (historic town centres/beach/petting zoos/botanic gardens) worked for us. And taking turns (1 lies in, 1 gets up) and massively lowering your expectations.

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