Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Friend ‘escorting’ for money

212 replies

blinkuncertain · 26/04/2018 19:11

She’s a single parent and does this at nights. It’s a terrible idea and I’m so against it but she keeps saying it’s the only way. What can I do?

OP posts:
ohfortuna · 27/04/2018 11:16

there is a raising number of female punters now i think the numbers in have reached 30% in places like Germany and the Netherlands
Really?
Really??
I'm struggling to see why women would pay for sex, when there are loads of men willing to have casual no strings sex with women for free
I could go onto an online hookup site and find a man who would be willing to come round to my place and have sex with me in less than half an hour.

I did imagine that pretty much 100% of male prostitutes provide their services to gay men?

Bobs123 · 27/04/2018 11:18

Never done it and wouldn’t judge those who did. This is her choice. However it’s normal to feel concern for her.

I would support your friend OP, so text message system in place, she should consider taking PrEP, which she would have free access to under the trial scheme, have knowledge of PEP and get tested regularly

WrongOnTheInternet · 27/04/2018 11:34

the benefit system is perfectly adequate to keep people housed and fed

Oh that made me laugh. Now which group isn't in the real world. Find out about sanctions and what kind of transgression they're called up for.

If you want to continue playing with semantics, would you accept that sex work is paying for access to women's bodies? Either way it is part of the commodification and objectification of women and the vast over-sexualisation of western culture.

Back to the point of the thread, I imagine the friend has very few options and I have every sympathy for her. Our society is just not structured to support women and children.

shakingmyhead1 · 27/04/2018 11:41

its her choice,
its honest work ( at least its legal in my country) and also the oldest profession in the world!
she can make a lot of money and support herself and child and as long as she can mentally cope with her job and aspects of it i don't see why she shouldn't... as long as it is her choice to do so just like it is your choice to either accept and support her decision or not

ReanimatedSGB · 27/04/2018 11:43

The benefit system is certainly not adequate. But it's more important to devote energy and effort to improving and increasing benefits than to policing what some people choose to do with their own bodies to increase their income.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2018 11:46

Stay out of it, your friend is an adult who can make her own decisions, as long as her kids are safe.

WrongOnTheInternet · 27/04/2018 11:49

Well I can certainly agree that the fundamental structure of society needs to change, to acknowledge the reality of children and their need for support from both the sexes that create them, not just the one that bears them to term.

The trouble comes when what some people choose to do impacts on everyone else. Which the existence of sex work does.

ohfortuna · 27/04/2018 11:54

I wonder if there are any single dad's who decide to be 'gay for pay' in order to support the family?

20nil · 27/04/2018 12:08

God these threads are depressing. Attempt after attempt to argue that it's just a job, it's a choice and its none of your business. This is not about individual women. It's about the erosion of the rights and dignities of women as a class.

20nil · 27/04/2018 12:09

OP: you sound like a nice friend who is not judging, just worried. All you can do is to be there for her and offer her security if she needs it.

mrcharlie · 27/04/2018 12:10

I can think of few things more degrading than having to use sex workers. Not the woman's fault but I do feel sorry for them.
But the punters....ugh, god they must be vile.
A mate of mine went to Amsterdam years back and ended up in the red light district, did the deed and upon his return boasted to us. I don't think our response was quite what he expected, he's married now with a child and is terrified his wife will discover his past, yep she'd go bat shit crazy definitely.

And for what....because his bollocks overrid his senses.

No, I lay no blame to the women, but the punters are the absolute dregs of life in my view.
How tragic that they need to pay for sex, dear god!!

changednamebutneedadvice · 27/04/2018 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Caramelapplecake · 27/04/2018 12:16

The OP is not being judgemental. She is concerned for her friend's emotional and physical wellbeing.

She did not 'spit out' the word prostitute - she was clarifying her earlier use of the word 'escorting' as some posters were saying that being an 'escort' didn't necessarily involve having sex.

worridmum · 27/04/2018 12:17

Not to be rude but some women would like to choice their sexual partners and just going on a hook up site does not mean they will get laid as men can do so as well (i am not trying to body shame but i am sure there are some woman that men would not like to have sex with just like there are men that the vast majority of woman would not like to sleep with so even a hook up site wont work for them).

Aka there are woman that could not get sex without paying for it like some men, i cannot believe you think paying for sex is just what men for example there used to be a brothel in the town i lived in (Germany so completely legal) that only catered to female clientele so yes woman do pay for sex not as much as men right now but its a sizeable minority.

But sorry i am going off topic

Lifeontheoceanwave · 27/04/2018 12:26

Well it been a job that’s been done since time immemorial. It’s up to her really if she decides it’s not the job for her then you can be there to talk this through with her in the same way as if she was an accountant and decided the pressure was too much. But please don’t judge her about it, plenty of professional jobs are a lot more morally questionable than this.

moofolk · 27/04/2018 12:31

Thinking of you and your friend OP. It's a very dangerous and damaging position for her to be in.
There is a huge difference between hating what somebody feels they have to do when they see no better option and disrespecting the person.

She may well need a good friend who understands her situation without judging her.

You could perhaps try and help her find other options but importantly make sure she knows that you will be there for her if / when she needs you.

I don't think that renting a woman's body is ok, I see it as abuse, but 100% understand why women feel compelled to do it and they should not be demonised. The men on the other hand ....,

20nil · 27/04/2018 12:31

Umm, being a slave is a 'job' that's been around since 'time immemorial'. So has being a slave owner. That make it ok or even so inevitable that we stop tackling it?

20nil · 27/04/2018 12:33

Feminists do not judge prostitutes: they judge the hideous men who use them.

AssassinatedBeauty · 27/04/2018 12:33

What is this bizarre obsession that the length of time something has been going on is somehow relevant to whether it can be criticized or not?

No one is suggesting judging the OPs friend, quite the reverse. Objections to prostitution don't have to be based on morals. The OPs friend isn't immoral for being an escort.

Smeddum · 27/04/2018 12:41

Feminists do not judge prostitutes: they judge the hideous men who use them

This.

koyaanisqatsi · 27/04/2018 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheClitterati · 27/04/2018 12:57

"This article takes a hard look at prostitution, and how it affects people, taking in its intrinsic links with porn, sex trafficking and child sexual exploitation, its inherent racism, and why we should hold those who drive it accountable."

nordicmodelnow.org/2017/07/04/whats-wrong-with-prostitution/

SandyY2K · 27/04/2018 12:59

I don't believe in 2018 Britain that single mothers are forced into prostitution in order to provide food and shelter to their young children. I just don't

I agree with this.

My country of origin, has nothing like social services, income support, housing provision or homeless shelters....no food banks...No tax credits...no child benefits...no national health service. You pay for treatment or you die if you can't afford it.

Yet those who don't want to become prostitutes will do menial jobs... cleaning, becoming housegirls, selling water, bread etc on the roadside for a living.

The women and girls there might argue they really don't have a choice ..... which is a far cry from the UK.

Another thing is that people view sex differently. It really isn't a big deal to some people. Some sleep with multiple partners anyway, or have open marriages/relationships...so doing it for money sits ok with them. Its a physical act with no emotions involved and money at the end.

It can be dangerous though and you ger little sympathy if you get hurt on the job. A bit like the burglar who was killed...people will say you brought it on yourself. Less resources are put into the murder of prostitutes. I've watched numerous documentaries about this.

I'm really indifferent to it tbh. People choose what they want to do in life. Some have a bad start in life and a rough upbringing....which leads them down that path. When I see what some people have gone through...I'm not suprised they've turned to prostitution.

I wouldn't want to do a job I would hate my DD to do.

SandyY2K · 27/04/2018 13:03

I did imagine that pretty much 100% of male prostitutes provide their services to gay men?

Women use male escorts.

TheClitterati · 27/04/2018 13:05

You can see directly how punters feel about prostitutes - they review them on punter.net.

Or here is a summary that will spare you from visiting punter.net:

nordicmodelnow.org/myths-about-prostitution/myth-punters-care-about-the-women-they-buy/