Friend ‘escorting’ for money

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She’s a single parent and does this at nights. It’s a terrible idea and I’m so against it but she keeps saying it’s the only way. What can I do?

I just think there is a massive disconnect between people on this thread who see the world as they think it should be, not as it really is.

Some men will pay for sex. Some women will gladly take their money. That has been and most likely always will be, the case

Exploitation takes place in all sorts of occupations - the difference for the moralisers is, presumably, that this occupation involves (whisper it...) sex. The problem the moralisers create is that their worldview pushes such exploitation underground, making it harder to deal with

Or are prostitutes less entitled to safety and dignity...?

And another common accusation is not living in the "real world", based on nothing at all.

Prostitutes, as all people are, are of course entitled to safety and dignity. Please could you explain how sex work can be made to conform to the same level of safety and dignity that other jobs enjoy?

I think the very worst of what is going on is what people often think of - pimps controlling girls who are addicted to drugs, who are used by men who do not give a shiny, absolutely disgusting. A world apart from a sex worker who has control over who their clients are. I am not sure you can lump the whole lot in together. And in terms of men, the same thing applies. Men who have no care or respect for women or men who do care and respect women, both might use sex workers.

This is an interesting report, although old, from 2010

Read it. Then consider how many of the men who use sex workers give a shiny shit if the sex worker is content with her lot or an exploited, possibly trafficked, woman.

Or consider the 2008 report (linked in the doc) which categorically concludes that the over sexualisation of girls is down to the mainstreaming of porn, lap dancing, prostitution. Then tell me sex work is great for women as a class.

I have worked in a supportive capacity with sex workers in both London and Edinburgh. Even if you have healthy boundaries to begin with it is very hard to maintain them during that kind of work. Plus it is physically dangerous / very tiring emotionally.
I'd be honoured she'd trusted me and try to support her whilst trying to help her find less dangerous ways of surviving.

Assassinated

Well we could start by removing the stigma attached to the job... the stigma you are perpetuating

I didn’t say you didn’t live in the real world, I said you don’t see the world as it is, but how you think it should be...

HeyDugee around half of sex workers have been raped, because of their job.

Perpetuating the myth it is “like any job” is bollocks, and dangerous.

Smile each day

Respectfully you are conflating feelings (‘men don’t care about the sex worker’) with the transactional nature of prostitution

Neither I guess does the prostitute care about the men...

But then why should either party ‘care’?

How am I perpetuating stigma? By having any opinion other than it's great for everyone?

Smile

The stigma makes it more dangerous...

If we agree we can’t completely get rid of it, no matter how draconian policy becomes, what comes next is accepting its existence and trying to make the work safe and dignified as we can.

Hey

I’m not conflating anything. You maybe misunderstood my point.

I cant think of any other job where the 'stigma' from women who dont do the job because its fucking dangerous make it somehow more dangerous for the people that do the job.

@smileeachday was your post aimed at me? I agree that the way women are presented in media, pop songs, everywhere, has a huge impact on how we are seen. I was saying mainly that I think that there is a difference between the sex workers trafficked by pimps and those who aren't, and how they handle their work, or at least I have got that impression from sex workers who have posted here. I would prefer to fight to get rid of trafficking and pimping and try to introduce safety for sex workers by legalising it rather than talk about male privilege and "shoulds" and shouldn'ts" but I don't think I put it very well.

This is her choice, not yours. In this day and age, especially as a single mum, it is still the easiest or should I say the most lucrative/flexible way of supporting yourself and your family. Yes, set up a safety system so you have prearranged texts etc. Agencies don’t give a shit about your safety, just the money but try to go on recommendations or someone that you can easily track down.
My great grandma turned to prostitution when her husband died at sea and she had four children. It was a terrible family secret but I think “good on her”. She did what she needed to feed her kids.
I actually slept with someone recently and I got £200 from them. Wasn’t a given that we had sex but it had been a while and I had an itch to scratch. I also thought he deserved something for giving me cash. I’ve never done this before and don’t intend to make a habit of it. It did however stop me from wondering if I could feed myself and the children this week. I didn’t fancy him but then I’ve had a few one night stands in the past thatwere hideous and I did that for free
I think I’m this, it’s walk a few miles in their shoes. If she is choosing to do it, and it doesn’t eat her up either during or after then great.
I’m not logical, I would NEVER judge a woman for being a sex worker...but I would judge a man for using one. I understand that’s a dichotomy of beliefs but none of us are straightforward. If your friend has anything about her, she will have thought of all the consequences and is just looking for support and a handhold.

UpstartCrow: the stigma and the attempts to shut sex work down make sex work more dangerous because:
It gets harder to screen clients when websites and listing sites are being shut down or are barring any mention of sex work.
It gets harder to take the time to assess/negotiate with clients when being a client is criminalised
If sex work is stigmatised then a sex worker who is assaulted or robbed by a client finds it a lot harder to seek help or justice, because the sex worker is going to be told 'You brought it on yourself/you're a troublemaker' - or the sex worker, despite being the victim of a crime, may be charged/prosecuted/threatened with deportation/have earnings confiscated.

I think that the way so many women have been hoodwinked into the 'sex work is just a job' and 'it's perfectly fine' when it just happens to support the age old male fantasy is appalling. The mental knots you're tying yourself into when you claim it's not selling a body would be ludicrous if not so tragic.

Are you all going to groom your own daughters to grow up and beg to be used as sex objects? And yes as Assasinated says, why is the focus never on the pathetic men who force this market?

When it comes to the choice between a couple of hours (paid at a high hourly rate) engaging in sex acts with a client, after which you go home and get on with whatever else you want to do, and being available to service a man sexually, domestically and psychologically 24/7 in exchange for your keep, I know which one sounds more like selling your body (rather than selling your labour at an agreed rate).

One of the reasons a lot of men hate sex workers is that they resent the idea of women a) not just letting any 'lonely' man have sex with them out of love/duty/kindness rather than charging for it and b) women not being the exclusive property of one man.
Misogynistic men dislike the fact that sex workers charge (and won't do freebies or discounts) and that they often choose who they will take on as a customer (ie reject clients who are rude, or intimidating, or who have a history of mistreating sex workers).

Why is sex work any different?

If you really want to know, rather than just sound (mistakenly) "woke", start by reading "paid for" by Rachel Moran.

You seriously think you can buy consent? If I give you £30 to punch you in the face (perhaps you need £30 to buy groceries for your kids) is my punch less damaging than if I didn't pay you? Perhaps it hurts more as you are somehow complicit in the harm caused to you?

You are viewing every relationship purely as an economic trade and women as possessions everywhere then SGB? An interesting viewpoint. Not one I can immediately relate to.

If sex work was like any other job it would have health and safety provisions. There would be unions - proper ones not the ones set up and run by pimps.

Contact with body fluids would be prevented. There would be proper breaks, limits on time worked etc.

The lefties who declare "sex work is work" don't push for any of these worker protections they expect other workers to have. Why is that?

I think that the way so many women have been hoodwinked into the 'sex work is just a job' and 'it's perfectly fine' when it just happens to support the age old male fantasy is appalling. The mental knots you're tying yourself into when you claim it's not selling a body would be ludicrous if not so tragic

For a start, it’s not “selling a body”. Sex workers don’t sell their bodies, they engage in a service. Their bodies still belong to them every bit as much as any woman having sex continues to own her body. It’s very dangerous to imply that they have “sold” their body. They haven’t.

Secondly, how misogynistic of you to decide that any woman making a choice that you don’t like has been “hoodwinked”. Says who? Like it or don’t like it, there are a fair few women around who quite enjoy fucking for money.

The only women in this country who have to engage in sex work are drug addicts and those at the mercy of pimps. A single mother such as the OP is talking about certainly does not have to escort because the benefit system is perfectly adequate to keep people housed and fed, if not luxuriously. She chooses to because she likes the money.

If we were to legalise drugs, then we’d stop any woman from having to sell blow jobs on street corners for heroin money. And pimping (and brothels) is already a crime.

TheClitterati Sex workers are almost always self-employed & they organise their own breaks, have their own safety proceedures and (nearly always) supply and insist on condoms.

You seriously think you can buy consent?

A woman can consent to sex for absolutely any reason she chooses. Who are you to police that?

You do know there is a raising number of female punters now i think the numbers in have reached 30% in places like Germany and the Netherlands.

So are female punters practicing there male entiltiment to pay for sex? These days its not only men paying for sex you know stop living in the past.