Friend ‘escorting’ for money

[blinkuncertain]

She’s a single parent and does this at nights. It’s a terrible idea and I’m so against it but she keeps saying it’s the only way. What can I do?

[ohfortuna]

when men can pretty much get fee hook ups on OLD
Except they can't
on online dating where people are looking for casual sex men outnumber women by around 10 to 1
Women are much less likely to agree to casual one off sex with men than vice versa, think about it and it's easy to see why
first of all you have to feel safe with this man that you've never met before and that's difficult if you haven't had any time to get to know him
secondly it's much easier for men to get what they want out of sex and not really care about whether the woman gets any pleasure from it.
Even if you really are into casual sex for women the tradeoffs don't really stack up.

So on these hookup sites you have a few women who are able to choose from lots and lots of men, only the best looking and most socially skilled men are going to get any action
And believe me on said hookup sites most men come across as extremely socially unskilled🤣😂😆

[SmileEachDay]

I don't have an issue with the idea of sex work. Some men do just want normal sex and a cuddle.

I do have issues around how media show it. Normalising trafficing, brutal and damaging sex, rape and murder towards these workers is wrong on all levels. These are things no-one should be finding acceptable and we should be working to eradicate

Except, it’s not the media “showing it” - read either of the reports I posted upthread - that IS the reality for the vast majority.

[Brazenhussy0]

I do not believe that women can be prostitutes and come out unscathed. I can see what pushes them to it, but I don't believe they see it as a 'transaction' then just go about their daily lives, forming healthy, normal relationships.

You can ‘not believe’ all you want, but we do exist.

Personally, I enjoy casual sex – really get a kick out of it. If I can make a good earning at the same time then why shouldn’t I?
I don’t attach any kind of deeper meaning to sex and I don’t give away part of myself or my body when I see a client. It’s just shagging, a chat, a cuppa then a nice wad of money at the end of the day.
We don’t all have the same feelings about sex and we are all capable of giving consent for whatever reason we like.

I have a partner and family,
I’m studying for a STEM degree,
I love cycling and yoga,
I eat a healthy mostly vegetarian diet,
I sleep well,
I don’t drink alcohol (not a drop),
I don’t take drugs,
I enjoy sex,
I enjoy getting paid for it, and I’m far from the only woman who feels that way.

I never feel dehumanised in my work and my clients have (for the most part) treated me with far more respect than many men outside the sex industry.
It's not for everyone and there are plenty of women in the industry who really shouldn't be but, for some of us, it's a perfect fit.

Porn, stripping and webcamming… now that made me feel dehumanised and objectified. In that setting, I really did become just a body to watch, rather than a full human being to interact with.
It's hard to fully realise the differences until you experience it.


@ReanimatedSGB thank you for everything you’ve posted on this thread. I can't add anything that you haven't already covered.

[NotTheFordType]

@user whatever the fuck
I'm surprised there is such a demand for escorts when men can pretty much get fee hook ups on OLD

Nobody (unless they are incredible physically attractive, which probably draws its own set of problems) can just "go out and get sex"

If you are:
Widowed
Have low self esteem due to peceived penis size and society's happiness to body shame you about it
In a sexless marriage
Building a career that requires 18hr work days

Then engaging a sex worker absolutely makes sense.

[allthegoodnameshadgone]

Just be her friend. Let her talk.

She may want to continue with it, she may not.

My friend did it. She will do it or not do it regardless of your views. Just be her friend and let her talk about it or not.

Still support her choices. I looked as it as, it's her body, she can do anything she wants with it. Emotionally, she's my friend and always will be. It's two separate things for me. Emotionally, she is my friend, I can advise her but it's her life her body. She's still me best mate.

[allthegoodnameshadgone]

I'd rather she didn't but she is on with it. She sees it as a means to an end.

[anothernewoneforthis]

@notthefordtype by "nobody" do you no man? It is very easy for (most) women to get casual sex, I think. If they are willing to ask for it.

@brazenhussy0 I think what you have said is really interesting. It is outside my experience in that I don't know anyone who does sex work personally, but I do know many women who enjoyed casual sex from time to time. I suppose the difference is the payment - the idea of paying for sex being ok - have you always been ok with it? I agree about strippers etc, being dehumanised, sex objects. It sounds as though in relation to what you do, you choose your clients and choose men who do not objectify you, and that how you have managed things is a world apart from the other women discussed on this thread, is that right?

[ReanimatedSGB]

Again, sex workers who are not in coercive circumstances still exercise choice. They communicate with one another via sites like National Ugly Mugs (where reports of dangerous clients are shared) and try to vet clients, to an extent (when some douchebag hasn't put new laws in place to 'end trafficking' which make it much harder for a sex worker to screen clients) - if a client is a known threat, or is rude, entitled, argumentative or coked to the eyeballs, that client's custom will be refused (when the sex worker is, as many are, working independently and/or working for an agency that isn't full of arseholes).

[tinkael]

a lot of women are escorts you just need to be supportive but tell her to save everything and give a time limit on stoping
I find when girls go for years escorting it breaks them

[NotTheFordType]

Sorry @anothernewoneforthis - I didn't understand your question .

I think you're probably asking if men find it harder to obtain no strings sex than women, in which case the answer is yes they do. That doesn't mean men who seek no strings sex are intrinsically of less value than women who seek the same.

[Beaverhausen]

Do not judge her op be supportive. The sex industry can be very isolating especially with how other women perceive it and judge a working girls decision to do it.

I doubt it will be a long term thing, at least she is doing it part time and sounds like she has it all figured out.

Being a working girl does not mean you are damaged, a victim, forced into it-well sometimes you are due to finances. But it also has its positives.. it makes you stronger mentally, it gives you confidence especially if you have always felt insecure about your looks, it allows you to be able to support your children and yourself without the need of a man or benefits.

People judge the profession because they know very little about it and what they do know is what the media wants them to know I.e the horror stories.

If your friend is savvy enough she will be fine. There is a website used by escorts called saafe.info have a read and you will see it us a sisterhood and it has a lot of positives and unfortunately there are negatives but overall majority are just single mom's earning a living to give their kids the best.

[vampirethriller]

I did it,a few years ago, because the man I was stupid enough to be with forced me into it with threats against my family. Almost every man I saw could get sex- because they were married, or had girlfriends. The vast majority of them were family men with nice homes and good jobs. Not ugly, not socially awkward. They don't have to buy it, they want to.

[anothernewoneforthis]

@notthefordtype I didn't say anything about value. You wrote "Nobody (unless they are incredible physically attractive, which probably draws its own set of problems) can just "go out and get sex"" and I asked you if you were talking about men when you wrote that ie I wanted to know whether you were referring to men or women or both?

[SmileEachDay]

The sex industry can be very isolating especially with how other women perceive it and judge a working girls decision to do it

Nope. The issue with the sex industry is the coercion, violence, abuse, commodification, high levels of drug addiction.

I also think “working girl” is a problematic label. It’s cute and infantilising.

[Beaverhausen]

SmileEachDay you will find that trafficking and modern day slavery does not just pertain to prostitution. But because it is offensive to you that there is a large majority of women who choose to take up the profession of prostitution, porn, phone chat, webcamming it is wrong, so they must be victims, trafficked, abused, addicts etc.

I am not going to debate this with someone who has a one track mind and is not openminded on the sex industry but remember one thing, even in a marriage women will use sex to get what they want. Surely in a way you are prostituting yourself there too.

[SmileEachDay]

Beaver completely agree that trafficking doesn’t just pertain to prostitution. Sex workers are the subject of this thread, though.

It’s a shame you don’t want to engage in debate - but that is, of course, your right.

[InTheGhetto]

but remember one thing, even in a marriage women will use sex to get what they want. Surely in a way you are prostituting yourself there too.

Pure misogyny.

[Brazenhussy0]

@anothernewoneforthis
Yes, I have always been ok with the idea of being paid for sex. In my mind, it isn’t much different from other intimate services like having your vulva waxed, full body massages, or even the level of mental intimacy needed in psychology/psychiatry sessions.
But that’s just how I feel about it. Like I said, we’re all different and have different boundaries and limitations.

I do appreciate I’m in the fortunate position of being able to pick and choose which clients I see. A working girl who works the streets (much rarer these days I must add) and who has a drug addiction to pay for is unlikely to do the same level of client screening as indoor independents, and is probably more likely to take bigger risks for lower rates.
But I don’t know, because I’ve never been drug addicted or working the streets. Most of us aren’t in that position and help should be provided for those who are.

A blanket ban on purchasing sex wouldn’t/doesn’t solve any of the real-world problems in prostitution. The likes of the Nordic Model don’t end sex work, or make it any safer, but it does give governments brownie points from people who don’t know anything about the sex industry beyond their own feelings about sex and incorrect assumptions about what actually goes on in the paid-sex scene.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

There's no shame in earning a honest living, and whatever anyone's thoughts.
She is going out and earning an honest living.

[ReanimatedSGB]

I remember a sex worker friend of mine some time ago being infuriated by a scheme set up to 'get sex workers into respectable work and give them training.' The training was in how to use a sewing machine/dressmaking. FFS. How much demand is there for these skills, at anything like a living wage?

[expatinscotland]

'Yet those who don't want to become prostitutes will do menial jobs... cleaning, becoming housegirls, selling water, bread etc on the roadside for a living.

The women and girls there might argue they really don't have a choice ..... which is a far cry from the UK. '

Prostitution absolutely blooms in places like this. And the menial jobs employees often get treated like utter shite and just as at risk for being abused and trafficked.

[anothernewoneforthis]

@brazenhussy0 thanks so much for the reply. I hope that this thread stays up because I think that there is a lot to learn from it.

[velvetcandy]

I know someone who does this too. Takes all her benefits and does this 4 days a week and is quite well off! She's a more "higher class" one though

[Alpineflowers]

brazenhussy-Personally, I enjoy casual sex – really get a kick out of it. If I can make a good earning at the same time then why shouldn’t I? I don’t attach any kind of deeper meaning to sex and I don’t give away part of myself or my body when I see a client. It’s just shagging, a chat, a cuppa then a nice wad of money at the end of the day...

Interesting reading.
Hope you don't mind me asking but do you ever think about your 'clients' family, their wife and children? It's just that you don't mention being concerned about them at all. How a wife or gf might feel if they knew what their husband was doing behind their back and how he was spending the 'cash'

[Ohbehave1]

Good to see those that want to shame sex workers are alive, well, and vocal. And they are joined by those for who the script of monogamy is ingrained by those that think they know better.

Her body, her choice. And I hope she has better friends than you.