To chalk this up as CFery, and cancel the sleepover?

[Skittlesandbeer]

Backstory: we live 9 months a year in an urban centre, 3 months each year we move to the country to bring in a harvest at our small farm.

We have a great relationship with our all our farm neighbours, and try hard to be good community members even though we are crazy busy when we are at the farm (as we are now). Our next-door neighbours have become quite close with us in recent years, due to us having DDs the same age (7) who adore each other.

Last summer, unbeknownst to us, they decided to heavily ‘prune’ the row of 25yo bushy cypress trees which form the ‘fence’ between our properties, about 15 trees. Basically they stripped all the lower branches, to over 2 metres from the ground, think lollipops. It effectively makes it look like one property, rather than two, and took away a lot of our privacy as well as wind-protection and gave us line of sight to a busy road.

The trees were originally planted on our side of the boundary (trunks), with large branches on either side. The neighbours needed to be on our property to complete half the job, and a big 3-4 day job it would’ve been, too. They didn’t get in touch before, during or after.

When I saw it, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I actually stood there, rubbing my eyes and shaking my head in case I was seeing things. Their chickens, dogs and kids had evidently been using our garden as an extension to theirs all year. I invited her over for tea and asked her through fairly clenched teeth what had happened. She was shocked we didn’t like the new look, and seemed to expect thanks for all their hard work😧. I was quite proud at how calmly I told her that no, we were going to need them to reinstate the boundary with something equally natural (ie not some cheap metal panelling) asap. At this point she gets teary and tells me they are putting their house on the market, and are short of funds due to property improvements they’ve made. (Yeah, like the chainsaw fuel they needed to double their garden space, I thought loudly).

I stood my ground and made sure DH did the same seperately with neighbour DH. He (but not she) apologised profusely, said ‘it made sense to do it at the time, but now that you explain it, I can see we did the wrong thing’. He is a builder by trade so we agreed he would consider the fencing options, and get back to us. We tried to look at it as a ‘spilt milk’ situation, and got on with our harvest.

Fast forward 2 months. We’re nearing the end of our farm work, kids have been playing together a lot, families sharing food, help, excursions, etc. A few times we’ve raised the fence topic, looking to get it resolved before they formally put their house up for sale, so we don’t have randoms walking through our property when we’re not here. Vague nodding from them. Today I go over to get firm confirmation of the plan, and timings. She squares off at me and states that they will not be doing or paying anything towards the fence, that they were completely justified in what they did, that we should stop pestering them about it when they’ve got so much on their plates (designing their new house) and anyway, we’re hardly ever here to use our garden so why are we making such an unreasonable fuss?

I’m stood there like then burst into tears and run off home. I’m usually so capable and practical and calm, but she’s ruined my lovely private garden, devalued my property, patently waited until I’m trying to finalise our business and pack up the house to drop this bombshell. Admittedly I’m exhausted and stressed, and fairly ‘peopled out’.

The girls have a long-awaited sleepover at theirs on Saturday, before we leave Monday. AIBU to fake an excuse to cancel it (with all the drama it’ll cause with the girls) and add further bad feeling? I just want a quiet few days to figure out what to do with these CFs, and finish my work. I thought they were sane, and friends. Unless of course we’ve been unreasonable too?

A nice big sign on your property visible through the tree trunks saying 'Construction Traffic Follow Yellow Markers' or 'No Overnight Parking for HGVs' might make a fence go up pretty quickly while they try to sell.

How did it go with Mr CF today, OP?

Soooo.

Mr Chainsaw came by and told DH (I wasn’t there) that he’s willing to look at options of (brush or stick) fencing panels to restore basic privacy. DH queried on what timeline and he said ‘soon as possible’.

The menfolk (bless) then walked the street looking at various fencing options, and agreed on 3 to price. Assumption is that the neighbours are offering to pay for all labour, materials & let us know when the work is being done so we can supervise and protect against further tree (root) damage. When I pressed DH as to whether these small details had been specified he said ‘of course’ in that tone that I read to mean ‘gentlemen don’t need to bring up such trivial details’. Sigh. All we need now is a sprinkling more of miscommunication. I might have to buy those spooky dementor manikins as a pp suggested, just in case. To be clear to the universe: I am not paying for a fence to semi replace the fence I loved!!

Meanwhile, my chirpy little extrovert DD snuck around next door, while the daddies were bonding. She must have cottoned on that relations with neighbours had soured, thus jeopardising her social calendar. Basically she confirmed the sleepover (and incidentally the sleeping arrangements, dinner menu and promises of teaching them a new trampoline game) with the mum. Got a fairly airy text just now about it all from next door. Mrs Chainsaw assumes I sent child around with the message. A discrete number (for her) of woo emojis on the end of the text. That’d be 6.

Where’s the mn emoji for ‘Child, you’re giving Mamma a migraine’ by the way?

This one? 🤦🏻‍♀️

CFery knows no bounds!

Sorry, I wouldn't know what to do in this situation.

daifuku9 that’ll probably do fine. It even looks a bit like me, except I’m lying down with a glass of wine next to my head. The vibe is right, though.

Just realised I need a bendy straw to be happy.

And perhaps a child who could just sit and enjoy a puzzle alone every now and then, rather than creating webs of neighbourhood obligation for me to get stuck in.

Oh no - I was lurking until I saw the bit about DH and felt I needed to offer solidarity. Mine is presently having gentlemanly chats about buying a car without having done the basic task of securing the cash. Absolutely infuriating. When I press him on details he wanders off to do laundry as who would fish wife a man who pairs socks.

Hope you see some movement soon - chin up

Can you borrow or hire some here's fencing whilst waiting for the works to start? That should hurry them up a bit. I think I'd be tempted to sue for the cost of a replacement mature hedge though tbh.

Heras fencing. Stupid autocorrect.

My worry about the orange net fencing is that its very temporary.
Someone who would come onto your land and destroy most of your trees over a few days wouldn't hesitate to go and lift the fencing out as soon as you're not there to keep an eye on it.

Sympathies OP. I once moved out of a top floor flat so subsidence could be repaired returning to find the second-floor flat owners (he was a hooray who'd just left the army) had extended their kitchen three feet into what had been a great big landing (doubly great because you could manoeuvre furniture round easily).

Please make sure that you have agreed the boundary, or that fence will be right up against your trees. Please get a signed document that they are paying for the purchase and erection of the fence and that it will need to be signed off by you as being correctly done. Put a time scale on it too so the CFs can't do it after they've sold their extended land. And make sure that it's constructed so there's no root damage to the barbered cypresses - which could leave you with huge gaps in your row of lollipops. And make sure your DD knows to phone you if anything upsets her during the sleepover.

PS and make sure the fencing is guaranteed - your trees would have gone on for another 40 years - you don't want flim flam fencing and posts that will rot within 10 years if not earlier. Solid wood, properly tanalised.

Oh lord, I don't like the sound of that "agreement" at all. Your DH needs to get real with the details - including where your actual boundary is, or you're going to lose the land up to the tree line.
You do also need to check on any work that is done else you're going to end up with the shoddiest fence that will need re-doing - not that I'm cynical or anything, OH no. Just jaded.

You will be gone and they will do whatever they like with your property now that they have lulled you into not contacting the law immediately over them vandalizing your property by chopping your trees and removing your screening.
You absolutely cannot trust these peeps and need to get the law involved.

OP, you need some "cunting bunting".

That is, bunting which spells out the word "CUNT".

Are you too tired to rustle this up?

I'm sure this'll inspire them to rustle up that fence before potential viewers come round.

I 2nd the Cunting Bunting.

You mean along my CFery Periphery?

I suggest you get CFN this book as a leaving present.

thecriticaleye.me/2014/01/27/lady-cottingtons-pressed-fairy-book/

I would see a Solicitor now, find out what your legal rights are and get Solicitor to write to neighbour.

What you are going to end up with is a cheap fence after many more months of prevaricating, delaying, nonsense about fairies and tears. Then having to travel back during the winter to supervise the fence. The fence will be cheap and shit and probably in the wrong place. And if they sell first the new owner won't buy you a fence.

Sorry but I find it odd that this has upset you so much and gone on so long yet you haven't even checked your legal position yet. Depending on the law you may be able to get neighbour to pay for a nice solution, you may not, at least you can start adjusting expectations.

Sleepover I would personally cancel, but that isn't the big deal here, I would really prioritise the legal advice over worrying about the sleepover.

Hopelesslydevoted
Op doesn’t want the legal route as her parents took people to court a lot and became embittered. I do understand. But there is a difference between taking legal action for the sake of it and doing so to protect your assets.

I would second what HopelesslydevotedtoGu.

I wouldn't trust a single thing these people say when they had enough cheek to violate your boundaries the first time.

To be clear: I do know my legal position, and a good idea of what the costs and likely remedies would be. I’m currently choosing not to assert my rights under the law, in a formal way, to them. That’s a whole different barrel of carp.

It may come to that, it may not.

I will exhaust all other avenues first, because using the law is a very stressful, expensive, drawn-out experience. On top of that, it would be the scandal of the village and we’d be ‘famous’ for it forever. It’s that kind of place. Long, boring winters dontcha know.

It seems that many people these days are quick to advocate ‘sue their arses’. My experience is that it usually ends up biting you, in yours.

Weezol I cant believe I didn’t think of that book myself! It’s a classic. I’m a fair watercolourist, I might have to add my own illustrated page. A Cypress Fairy, beheaded by chainsaw. Thanks for the giggle. The perfect antidote to woo.

Cypress fairy . I expect there are artists on here willing to oblige! I forgot to say Weezol I looked at the book and there are plenty of pictures online. It’s very apt.

I hope therefore you manage to get what you want op without having to resort to the law.

I love the pressed fairy book. I have it on my shelves somewhere. I also love the idea of chainsaw beheaded fairy pics all over the trunks of the trees...