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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother wants me to pay for her dd’s party?

178 replies

tinkertailorsoldierspyy · 25/04/2018 19:35

Namechanged in case said mother sees this - don’t want it linked with my other posts.

I have a dd aged 6 in Year 1. At pick up on Monday a mum of a girl in her class came up to me and said she was wondering if I would like to have a joint birthday party for our DDs this year, as they both turn 7 in September.

I thought it was a reasonable idea in principle - our DDs aren’t particularly close friends but if it’s a class party I don’t think that really matters, they’d each have their own friends there. I told her I would be happy to discuss it.

Yesterday evening she texted me saying that she’d found a perfect venue (a roller skating rink) and that it would be about £200 each if we invite all the kids in their class.

Unfortunately, my dd hates roller skating - we tried taking her recently and she was absolutely petrified and wouldn’t let go of the side. I therefore texted back straight away saying that roller skating wasn’t going to work. She didn’t reply, and then this afternoon when I saw her at the school she asked why I had dismissed her idea without even considering it. When I explained again that dd cannot roller skate and is not going to want a roller skating party for her birthday, the mother suggested that I take her once a week until September so that she can learn how to skate. I didn’t want to have an argument with her just as the children were coming out so I just said I’d think about it and walked away.

AIBU to think that her dd wants a roller skating party and her mother just wants me to pay for half of it?

OP posts:
MumofBoysx2 · 26/04/2018 23:06

Joint parties are odd unless the children are very close friends and have the same interests. I wouldn't want a joint party for my kids - it's their day, not a shared day!! Just say no.

Kayzarimya1 · 26/04/2018 23:07

I wouldn’t get involved. People like that always have another movite. Even if you don’t do the whole roller skating party and do something else.... having a joint birthday sounds like a nightmare. She will probably ask if you want to go halves on an expensive cake or even pay for party bags with really fancy toys you wouldn’t even dream of putting in the party bags if you had your own party. I say stand firm, don’t be intimidated and just say no. Let’s us know how this goes as I would be interested in finding out!

KeepServingTheDrinks · 26/04/2018 23:14

Did you respond to her, OP?

SnorkFavour · 26/04/2018 23:42

Ohhdear

Because anyone with the interest or the inclination would have every post the OP has written on any username in this forum within minutes. If you believe any different then you need to be very careful about what you post on the internet.

How exactly? The OP has namechanged. How would you link this post to her usual username??

Original poster
tinkertailorsoldierspyy · 27/04/2018 00:10

To those wondering if she was lying about the price, I've looked up this roller skating rink and it is £15 per head for its cheapest 'bronze' party package (they also have silver and gold packages at £20 and £25 a head....)

I texted her saying: 'Unfortunately dd is petrified of roller skating and there is no way that she is going to want or enjoy a roller skating party. £200 is also more than I'd be willing to spend on a party if I'm being honest. Are there any other activities, such as swimming or soft play, that your dd might enjoy? If she's absolutely set on roller skating, then perhaps a joint party isn't the best idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
tinkertailorsoldierspyy · 27/04/2018 00:12

She hasn't replied yet and I wasn't doing the school run today so I haven't seen her.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 27/04/2018 00:12

That’s a pretty unequivocal message - it’ll be interesting to see how she responds. I imagine she’ll still try to convince you it’s a great idea.....

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 27/04/2018 00:15

I would tell her no, (why should you pay all that money for a party your daughter won't enjoy) tell her that your family , e.g your daughter's grandparents are throwing the party so you can't go halves with her but hope she has a good time

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/04/2018 04:07

Crikey. That’s expensive. Sounds like she also wasn’t trying to get you to pay halves to get a better deal but getting a bigger group of kids together. Although I expect there would be some overlap in friends. Good message. I’d be interested to know her response. That will tell you if she really is a Cf or not.

jetSTAR · 27/04/2018 06:43

I agree with a pp that 6yo is a bit young for a roller skating party. I bet there are quite a few 6yo who don’t know how to roller skate and wouldn’t enjoy it. I hope your dd has a great party whatever you decide to do for her 😉

Teateaandmoretea · 27/04/2018 06:54

Yanbu at all. Your daughter doesn't want to do that. We've tried to organise joint in the past, but there's always a hitch tbh.

Am Hmm about all the shock about the cost though, that's what I'd expect for 30 odd kids. The SE parties are amazing, someone in our London office was telling me that her sons party was 20 quid a head for soft play for 30. Now I was Shock over that.

drivingmebananas · 27/04/2018 07:03

I wouldn't do any sort of joint party with someone so pushy!!!

NataliaOsipova · 27/04/2018 07:22

Perfect reply. I don't understand lot of the outrage on here; £15 a head is pretty standard as a party venue price round here and it wasn't a daft suggestion from the other mother, not knowing that your child didn't like it. The only thing she did badly was attempting to push the point on her own daughter's choice when you said yours didn't like skating - at that point, the answr should have been "Ok - shall we look at a hall then? Or swimming/dancing/soft play?".

Your text was top notch. See what she comes back with.

Deidre21 · 27/04/2018 08:11

Who is she to tell your daughter (and you) what type of party your daughter has. She is crazy.

jocarter67 · 27/04/2018 08:16

Tinker I’m with the YANBU gang, but just a thought, keep a bit of an eye on your daughter to make sure that the CF isn’t getting her daughter to try and convince your daughter to have the skating party. Good luck

MiddleClassProblem · 27/04/2018 08:21

Nice clear reply. I bet she’s either already put a deposit down or her dc is just really into roller skating. Neither are your problem. You didn’t know anything about it.

Ezzie29 · 27/04/2018 08:30

It’s frustrating, it’s the risk we take when we post on here but why can’t the media just fuck off and let us talk? Sorry it’s caused issues for you OP, if you see this before it gets pulled! Hope it all works out ok.

Ezzie29 · 27/04/2018 08:31

Very confused about how my post above ended up on here when I was in a different thread entirely...do ignore me.

Shadow666 · 27/04/2018 08:33

Thank goodness!

I’m totally over-invested in hearing the reply to the text

PleaseAndThanks · 27/04/2018 08:34

Good reply

pepperpot99 · 27/04/2018 08:43

Good reply Op. I bet the other mum has already booked the roller skating venue though.

What's the betting that she will try and get another parent to share the cost seeing as the OP has binned it off?

Motoko · 27/04/2018 09:31

Well, it's a good reply if you don't mind still having a joint party, and I'm glad you mentioned the cost, (although it would have been better to tell her your budget), but I don't think she's the right sort of person to do a joint party with. Just reread the posts on here where the pps who had joint parties ended up getting shafted. This woman sounds like one of those on the other side of those stories, the bullies and the pisstakers.

If you still go ahead with it, make sure you only compromise to a reasonable degree, don't allow yourself to be bullied.

DevilsDoorbell · 27/04/2018 09:37

Great response. Hopefully she’ll not give you any more bother.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/04/2018 09:42

Perfect reply

TBH most 6:7yrs can’t skate. Neither can this 44ur old 😂😂

Joint parties make sense if whole class going and in a hall and ideally if friends

Dancergirl · 27/04/2018 10:36

Good reply OP....but I wouldn't even entertain the idea of a joint party with her, she sounds very difficult.

Joint parties may work out cheaper but there are usually compromises to made along the way.

Really - just do your own thing, you can stick to a budget you're comfortable with and your dd can have the party the way she wants it.

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