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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this mother wants me to pay for her dd’s party?

178 replies

tinkertailorsoldierspyy · 25/04/2018 19:35

Namechanged in case said mother sees this - don’t want it linked with my other posts.

I have a dd aged 6 in Year 1. At pick up on Monday a mum of a girl in her class came up to me and said she was wondering if I would like to have a joint birthday party for our DDs this year, as they both turn 7 in September.

I thought it was a reasonable idea in principle - our DDs aren’t particularly close friends but if it’s a class party I don’t think that really matters, they’d each have their own friends there. I told her I would be happy to discuss it.

Yesterday evening she texted me saying that she’d found a perfect venue (a roller skating rink) and that it would be about £200 each if we invite all the kids in their class.

Unfortunately, my dd hates roller skating - we tried taking her recently and she was absolutely petrified and wouldn’t let go of the side. I therefore texted back straight away saying that roller skating wasn’t going to work. She didn’t reply, and then this afternoon when I saw her at the school she asked why I had dismissed her idea without even considering it. When I explained again that dd cannot roller skate and is not going to want a roller skating party for her birthday, the mother suggested that I take her once a week until September so that she can learn how to skate. I didn’t want to have an argument with her just as the children were coming out so I just said I’d think about it and walked away.

AIBU to think that her dd wants a roller skating party and her mother just wants me to pay for half of it?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 25/04/2018 20:29

She's a CF. 'Take her rollerskating every week.' Fuck me! This is very simple. 'A joint party isn't going to work for us. You need ot make your own arrangements.'

Original poster

tinkertailorsoldierspyy · 25/04/2018 20:29

I did think it seemed ridiculously expensive for a kids party - she said it was £15 a head (and there are 25 kids in the class)

OP posts:

YoThePussy · 25/04/2018 20:29

Get out of this now or you will be posting about RollerZilla come September.

NewBallsPlease00 · 25/04/2018 20:31

A roller skating party near here in a great venue is about £9 a head, how many kids us she inviting?!!

Scarlet1234 · 25/04/2018 20:33

Unbelievable- avoid her in future!!!!

Butterymuffin · 25/04/2018 20:37

Text her: 'Spoke to DD again and she definitely doesn't want a roller skating party, so we will not be able to share the party as it would be such a shame for either of the girls to have a party they didn't really enjoy. Good luck with it!' And ignore any replies.

Juells · 25/04/2018 20:42

Equally though, wouldn't it have been easy to say that your DD was petrified on her visit to the roller rink, rather than just saying no the first time, and 'she can't skate' the second time?

What difference would it have made? No is no. If it's a joint party both of them should be able to say no if they want to, without super-explanations and excuses and apologies and I-hope-you-don't-minds.

RomaineCalm · 25/04/2018 20:44

I would send something polite like this:

'Really sorry if my first answer was a bit abrupt. I've spoken to DD again and she definitely doesn't want to do roller skating - she's only been once and was terrified. We'd thought about swimming/trampoline/bowling. Would any of those options work? Otherwise we'll just need to do something separately, let's just check the dates to be sure that the two parties don't clash. Tinker x'

Petalflowers · 25/04/2018 20:45

£400 does seem a lot of money for a party, although I suppose it only works out as £13.33 per head. As others have said, these parties are often cheaper.

However, on hearing your DD doesn't like roller skating parties/is unable to skate, then it's unreasonable to expect her have one. The suggestions of lesson is unusual,to say the least. Any other non-cf mum would either say then I'll,do it alone, or offer to discuss an alternative party.

Anyone else slightly impressed that you are planning parties for September. I know certain places book up,quickly, but still impressed.

buffysummers4 · 25/04/2018 20:46

I've never even heard of a roller skating party. I don't think many kids round here do roller skating - is it a 'thing' elsewhere?? I suggested a joint party to somebody recently and went out of my way to a) make it clear she was welcome to say no for any reason at all including just didn't feel like it and b) at an early stage and before booking anything have a thorough discussion about what we were planning and associated costs to try to avoid nasty surprises for either of us.

It's one thing to get a bit carried away with an idea and not realise it wouldn't work for you but as soon as you said it wouldn't work she should have backed off straight away and looked to come to a compromise.

BusySittingDown · 25/04/2018 20:51

Wtaf?! Roller skating party at 6?! Thats an accident waiting to happen.

I had a roller skating party for my 7th birthday party. So did many of my friends - it was the 90s and they were all the rage.

BusySittingDown · 25/04/2018 20:58

But yeah she sounds a pain in the arse!

I had a joint party for my DD aged 5, at the time. We hired a Hall, bouncy castle and a children’s entertainer. It was a brilliant party, we had about 40 kids and I think it was about £90 each.

SecretIsland · 25/04/2018 21:00

Bloody hell that's extortionate. Round here a roller party at one of the Council run leisure centres is £80 for 30 kids.

Mine have been going to roller parties since 4, at least 2 or 3 a year.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 25/04/2018 21:08

Based on the costs being quoted on here, the party would probably be nearer £200. She's telling you £400 so that if you cough up your 'half' that's the entire party paid for. Her DD gets the party she wants and the mum doesn't have to pay a penny.

sonjadog · 25/04/2018 21:21

I think she is chancing her luck.

saintava · 25/04/2018 21:25

YANBU

DD2 is having a joint party in a few weeks with her best friend as their birthdays are 2 days apart but we made sure they both wanted to and that we picked somewhere both girls wanted to have a party. Saving a bit of money is a plus but not the sole reason for us. That doesn't sound like what the other mum is looking for here!

Bunnyfuller · 25/04/2018 21:32

We had this with one of DD's friends when she was younger, our was sneaker though and we ended up giving in to what they wanted: asked shall we share a party, started looking at halls etc, just getting on with it nicely then she announces 'DD has always wanted to go to Laserplay, that's what she wants.' My pushover daughter immediately clamoured for same so it cost a bollocking fortune for 15 kids to run wild to booming electro house music then eat fried shit and shit ice cream.

Never again. Tell her poke off, she can't afford the skating on her own so wants to force you to pay half!!

OreoMini · 25/04/2018 21:41

I think it’s a good ideal in principle. A couple of girls in my daughters school have birthdays close together and have had a joint party.

But this women is just being stupid. Why would you want to take your daughter roller skating every week til sept just to please her daughter?! The whole point of a joint party is you jointly agree on it all!

Wdigin2this · 25/04/2018 21:42

Another stupid woman who just can't see beyond getting what she wants!
Why the hell would you organise a party, for your daughter, based on something she hates?! Next time you see this woman, tell her that skating is definitely a nono, and as a matter of fact, you think you'd prefer a smaller celebration just for your own DC!

MizCracker · 25/04/2018 21:46

I've been to a few joint parties and they've been a bit awkward - especially when the kids don't especially like each other

I'm all for saving money but it's kind of a weird thing to force on them.

As for a roller skating party, my DD is the same age and it would be a disaster waiting to happen. Thankfully we are sworn off all-class parties after doing one last year.

SabineUndine · 25/04/2018 21:47

It’s just possible that the WHOLE party would be £200 of course.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 25/04/2018 21:48

I think Romaines answer is nice. puts the ball back in her court.

Fridasfridgefreezer · 25/04/2018 21:49

Ring up the roller skating place and see if that price is right. I wonder if she’s trying to rinse you.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 25/04/2018 21:51

I don't like joint parties. It's been mentioned by a mum in my DS's class as their birthday's are days apart but I could totally see her family taking over and her DS is a child that always wants to be centre of attention, much like most of the family (not the mum I may add). Do your own party and thank the stars you had a lucky escape with this one. Just check they won't clash. I never forget the year DD's best friend's party had been booked for the same day as hers, our invites went out first (me and the mum didn't know they were booked for same day then) and there was a bit of a panic but as the parties were an hour apart on starting and finishing, we just made it work and had a bit of a manic day. But I do check now .

TemptressofWaikiki · 25/04/2018 21:55

Naaa! Skatezilla is vying for Zen level of CFery! Just googled roller skating party and one just came up that is starting from £9.50 per kid. That is almost half of what you have been told. Bet with a group of 25 plus, it might even be cheaper. www.rocknrollerdisco.com/parties.php

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