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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother wants me to pay for her dd’s party?

178 replies

tinkertailorsoldierspyy · 25/04/2018 19:35

Namechanged in case said mother sees this - don’t want it linked with my other posts.

I have a dd aged 6 in Year 1. At pick up on Monday a mum of a girl in her class came up to me and said she was wondering if I would like to have a joint birthday party for our DDs this year, as they both turn 7 in September.

I thought it was a reasonable idea in principle - our DDs aren’t particularly close friends but if it’s a class party I don’t think that really matters, they’d each have their own friends there. I told her I would be happy to discuss it.

Yesterday evening she texted me saying that she’d found a perfect venue (a roller skating rink) and that it would be about £200 each if we invite all the kids in their class.

Unfortunately, my dd hates roller skating - we tried taking her recently and she was absolutely petrified and wouldn’t let go of the side. I therefore texted back straight away saying that roller skating wasn’t going to work. She didn’t reply, and then this afternoon when I saw her at the school she asked why I had dismissed her idea without even considering it. When I explained again that dd cannot roller skate and is not going to want a roller skating party for her birthday, the mother suggested that I take her once a week until September so that she can learn how to skate. I didn’t want to have an argument with her just as the children were coming out so I just said I’d think about it and walked away.

AIBU to think that her dd wants a roller skating party and her mother just wants me to pay for half of it?

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 26/04/2018 11:48

It's not scheming dulra, it's problem solving and negotiation. She'll go far!

CarrotVan · 26/04/2018 11:58

Joint parties can work really well. We've just done one and it was lovely. We specifically said "if you want to bring a gift just bring one and we'll share them all out".

There have been a few joint birthday parties in DS's class.

RoundaboutSnail · 26/04/2018 11:59

She'll go far Dulra Grin

Catkins0877 · 26/04/2018 12:09

Tell her you have considered her suggestion and unfortunately it doesnt suit but she's free to go ahead and book it for her own daughter. It was a pity it don't work out for both of you but hey....she's quite frankly bullying you in my opinion what you say is correct.

goose1964 · 26/04/2018 12:11

Around here it's £6 per person including skate hire, suggest you check the venue so you can call her out in future

astoundedgoat · 26/04/2018 12:15

I don't really see the problem. Just reiterate that roller skating isn't going to be a hit with your DD and suggest a couple of other things.

I found out that dd's new friend at her new school had her birthday just one day later than dd's so I grabbed the Mum and suggesting teaming up to save money. She was up for it and we pinged suggestions back and forth for a few days, hit on a plan for an all-inclusive thing at a place and she booked everything - I just transferred the money, and we ended up having a great party that would have been too expensive for us on our own, and was good for dd as she still didn't know many people but was able to have an excellent party and bond with her classmates a bit more.

I would be inclined to persevere with Rollermum and just make other suggestions. It doesn't have to be an instant falling out because the first idea hasn't "taken".

CoraPirbright · 26/04/2018 12:16

I would be fascinated to know if that really was the cost! Sounds awfully high.....

TomRavenscroft · 26/04/2018 12:21

You don't need to give her any further reason. If she asks again, just repeat as if to an idiot that your DD doesn't and won't roller-skate and wouldn't choose that for her party, so no, sorry but no.

If you're feeling charitable you could suggest a couple of alternatives; but I suspect, as do others, that she wants THIS party and wanted you to subsidise it.

If she suggests lessons again, laugh breezily and say 'No.'

NoSquirrels · 26/04/2018 12:25

I've done a couple of joint parties and they're fine, work well if you agree jointly what you want and then take on the organisation fairly.

I wouldn't do a "price per head" party for a whole class - the whole point of joint parties for me is to be able to invite loads but the cost not be too high, so choose something that is hall or venue hire that has a maximum number of kids for a fixed price so that the more you invite the more economical it is when split 50-50.

Regardless of all this, a joint party means joint decisions and both children being enthusiastic about the party. So roller skating is out because your DD wouldn't choose it.

I'd give her one more chance if she dropped the skating idea, and I'd tell her you were looking to spend more in the region of £100 not £200...

Myse1f · 26/04/2018 12:26

There are some places that charge £15 for parties at peak times, so she might just be cheeky and not a con artist, but you can cut it down a lot by having a Sunday party or an after school party.

However, all that is moot as your DD doesn't like roller skating!

Oldraver · 26/04/2018 12:36

Surely a whole class party for 6 year olds you book a hall and a bouncy castle not expensive shit.

Save things like roller blading a lazer quest till they're much older

listsandbudgets · 26/04/2018 12:42

Right no time to read thread (procrastinating over VAT return)

Let her know that her dd is so unadverturous and that actually the only party you dd had in mind was sky diving. Point out that the price does not seem to be on the site but if she has to ask she probably can't afford it anyway.

Afterwards you dd would like to take all 30 of her friends to (local very expensive) resturant for dinner... hope that's ok will let you know your contribution nearer the time

longestlurkerever · 26/04/2018 12:52

Hall and bouncy castle is still 200 quid, and you have to provide cake, food, party bags for 30 kids. £400 is a reasonable estimate for any all class party that involves a venue etc

Bowlofbabelfish · 26/04/2018 12:56

What’s the betting she’s already booked it? Grin

lottiegarbanzo · 26/04/2018 13:00

The skating lessons comment does make it sound like getting you to go halves was her plan.

But, have you responded with anything positive? A suggestion or two for things you would consider, a maximum price? It may be that she's just saying, rather awkwardly, 'in the absence of any other suggestions, here's how we could make skating work.'

£15 per head for a 'led activity' party, inc food, with staff involved, not just 'going skating', doesn't surprise me at all. Last time I asked, David Lloyd clubs charged £16.50 per head for similar. Soft play etc would be £10-12 inc food. Am not in the SE.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/04/2018 13:01

And yes, booking a hall may be much cheaper but entertainers are not cheap. Then you have to buy and assemble food, cake, party bags, so easily £300-400 for a whole class.

Butterymuffin · 26/04/2018 13:05

Yep, bet she's booked it already Grin

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 26/04/2018 13:52

IF you did agree. I wonder if you wouldn't be allowed in as "it's a private party".?

Aeroflotgirl · 26/04/2018 14:22

Yanbu, get out of the arrangement now, the mother sounds mad. Your dd does not like rollerskating and will not enjoy her party, what is the use in that.

NoSquirrels · 26/04/2018 14:27

I've never ever spent £400 on a whole class party. And I've done a few, with entertainers and halls. £250ish is more like it, and that was for the joint parties, so £125 each or thereabouts. Food and party bags are as cheap or as expensive as you make them - the kids genuinely don't care what's on offer as long as something is! Perhaps hall hire etc is more expensive where you are, but £200 on a party sounds loads to me.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/04/2018 14:42

It certainly sounds like its the party her dd wants, and your there to help finance it. Noway for a game of soldiers, just say no you prefer to do your own thing. It is a lot of money, more than I would prefer to pay, if I was paying that, it would have to be a party my dd likes and would enjoy.

Sweetpea55 · 26/04/2018 15:17

Its your daughters birthday party so she should be doing something she loves,
This woman is a cheeky fucker of the highest order,, Don't let her bully bamboozle or brainwash you OP

longestlurkerever · 26/04/2018 15:36

200 was £100 hire and £100 bouncy castle (which was what someone above specified). I agree you might be able to get cheaper but I was just saying £400 wasn't a totally wildly exaggerated price. I paid £275 for soft play, with byo food, for example, and that was one of the cheapest options for large numbers ( in my area). Entertainers were around £200 on their own when I looked into it. The cheaper ones specified maximum numbers.

Eatalot · 26/04/2018 15:47

400 for a roller skating party? No fucking way.

longestlurkerever · 26/04/2018 16:03

First link I clicked on for roller skating party was £18.50 per person for the most basic package and £26.50 pp for the works. Obviously I think that's ridiculously expensive but yhe point is these places are pricey!