To think this mother wants me to pay for her dd’s party?

[tinkertailorsoldierspyy]

Namechanged in case said mother sees this - don’t want it linked with my other posts.

I have a dd aged 6 in Year 1. At pick up on Monday a mum of a girl in her class came up to me and said she was wondering if I would like to have a joint birthday party for our DDs this year, as they both turn 7 in September.

I thought it was a reasonable idea in principle - our DDs aren’t particularly close friends but if it’s a class party I don’t think that really matters, they’d each have their own friends there. I told her I would be happy to discuss it.

Yesterday evening she texted me saying that she’d found a perfect venue (a roller skating rink) and that it would be about £200 each if we invite all the kids in their class.

Unfortunately, my dd hates roller skating - we tried taking her recently and she was absolutely petrified and wouldn’t let go of the side. I therefore texted back straight away saying that roller skating wasn’t going to work. She didn’t reply, and then this afternoon when I saw her at the school she asked why I had dismissed her idea without even considering it. When I explained again that dd cannot roller skate and is not going to want a roller skating party for her birthday, the mother suggested that I take her once a week until September so that she can learn how to skate. I didn’t want to have an argument with her just as the children were coming out so I just said I’d think about it and walked away.

AIBU to think that her dd wants a roller skating party and her mother just wants me to pay for half of it?

Out of curiosity, have you,contacted the roller skater venue to see if that was the true cost? As others have said, it does seem pricey, unless it was a prime time booking she was envisaging on a prime day.

However, I still think her assumption umshould still,go ahead after you have explained that it's not to des taste is working. Have you had a chance to talk to her again, and suggest alternatives?

My £300-400 for a whole class village hall party is based on £50-90 hall hire and anything from £150 - £225 for entertainer(s) for two hours (they cost more for 30+ dcs than for 25). Then £1-2 per party bag, £30-40 homemade cold party buffet, £5-10 cake, £10-20 food and drinks for parents, £10-15 balloons and decorations. So £290 - £460 for 30 children.

Locally, soft play is £8-10 per child inc food, but £12 + food for trampolining, more for gyms, climbing etc. Plus cake and party bags.

Peoples hall hire seems really dear. Our local village halls are approx £20-£40 for 3 hours! I must be in a cheaper part of he UK

£200 is excessive to pay out for a 6 Yr olds party so £400 imo is way way too much especially as your Dd doesn't like roller skating either! Swerve the party and do something your daughter wants to do.

No point in sharing a party if your DD doesn't even like roller skating. If you're going to share it has to be an activity agreed on by both children. Tell her sorry but it isn't going to work. She is just one of those thick skinned determined bossy types. Best avoided.

OP could you just play along and report back immediately and see what else she suggests? She sounds like she is most annoyed that you are not paying for the party cooperating and I don't think you will have heard the end of her yet!

That reminds me of the party my friend had for her daughter and I was helping out. One of the mums sent in her dd and told the host (my friend) that her daughter had to win 'the best dressed child' and shoved a bag into her hand with the 'prize' Friend was very confused as there was no such competition/game and the mum explained that at a previous party there had been one and her dd had been very upset that she didn't win, so her mum then promised her that at the next party she would win. It wouldn't therefore be fair to make her break her promise

Our local rink is per child
Either 10.95 inc cold party food (sandwich crisps ice cream etc)or 13.50 inc hot food ( hot dog chips ice cream unlimited jug of squash) 2 hours of skating

thats extremely controlling of her! telling you to take your child-who doesnt even enjoy rollerskating-once a week till september!!!!
we did a joint birthday for my DS11 and the other boy wanted to do go karting but as numbers were limited to only 10 which would maan we couldnt invite his 2 cousins the other mum happily agree to something else.
joint means something both enjoy.

You don't have to give her any explanation at all. If she wants a joint party with all expenses split, then it has to be a suggestion that works for both sides.

Her attitude - that you should go to a lot of trouble to enable her child to have the party they want - would make this a nightmare. Def. think you're best off stepping away from this one. YANBU at all.

Force your daughter to do something she is scared of, so you can help pay for a joint party, that you think is overpriced, with people you don't even consider close friends? What kind of person would agree to do that!?

That’s all very well asking u to do a joint party but if she’s not willing to consider your daughter’s feelings then that is selfish. YANBU. Tell her that you need to come to a joint decision on venue and theme or don’t bother!

What would your dd like to do though? Is it not worth just suggesting a couple of other possibilities to see what the other mum says?

Early Sept must be a tricky time to arrange for, you would need to do it pre-summer hols. So, if your dd would enjoy a whole class party and you're happy to spend something that could cover half that... isn't it worth discussing?

If there isn't a type of party that suits you both, fine. Not at all silly to try though (just the taking lessons suggestion!).

OP, you just need to step on this now. A simple message saying that you have talked to DD and that she is not interested in roller skating, but would be happy to do X Y and Z. This then gives her a get out clause to do roller skating on her own, or still do a joint with you in something else.

Very daft of her to suggest that your DD take up roller skating just so she can have a party.

I think some of these types just get so used to having their own way they rather forget that other people have ideas and views as well.

I have been in a similar position - I let the other mother know that she should go right ahead and have whatever party she wanted. I would have my child's party at a slightly later date so as not to clash etc and make it easy for her and we would do another party later.I made it clear that I did not want to upset her plans ....

She has shown that she's one of those pushy people who wants to get her own way all the time. Due to that (and the fact that your DDs aren't particularly close friends) I'd back away from any joint party.
Even if she agreed to doing something else, she would no doubt get you doing all the work, paying most of the cost, and be pushy about what decorations/food/cakes etc to have.

It's got disaster (for you) written all over it, so just say no.

Also, at that age, I didn't do whole class parties. My children just had a few close friends come.

For £200 I'd want something my child would enjoy and just the friends she wants to invite.
There's no way I'd do roller skating if it wasn't her bag.
You need to be stern with this woman unfortunately, as she seems to think the world owes her.
Stand up for yourself and just say no to joint party of any description. She sounds like a pain to have to share organisation with, anyway.

Definitely make it clear you're not joining in for iceskating party asap. Personally I would steer clear of any joint party with her as alarm bells are ringing.

I have done joint parties in reception and year 1 when the whole class is invited for soft play party or entertainer in a hall.
But for older kids who want a more expensive party like iceskating which is per head, then best to do on your own and invite a small group of favourite friends.

Blimey. Our local roller skating rink charges about a fiver a head. I assume yours includes party food etc?

Has she got back to you yet?

organising a September party now?!
Run OP run!

She's a pushy woman, isn't she?!

I would say/text something along the lines of, "Thanks for the offer but we're going to do our own thing this year. X"

Or, "We've had a good think about the party and it really isn't going to work for us. Thanks anyway though. Take care, OP X"

Short and sweet.

Joint parties can be a nightmare, especially if you don't know the other parent well. My then teenage daughter had a joint 14th party with a friend in a local church hall. The other mother sat in the kitchen with her friends all evening leaving me to police the party and be bouncer all with a 6 week old baby under my arm. My husband was working and couldn't be there and although my ex was there DJing he obviously was otherwise occupied. It never occurred to me I'd be left to cope with it all on my own. Someone came to fetch 2 of the girls who had buggered off without me realising and I got shouted at for not looking after them properly. It was a truly horrendous experience and 24 years passing haven't erased the memory. (I'm still in touch with the girl who shared the party and the girls who disappeared - they all turned out very nice indeed!)

I had honestly never thought about sharing parties to be a cost-cutting ploy- my children have often had joint parties suggested by either me or the other parents but this has always been because they were close friends and/or birthday brothers and loved sharing the party with their besties! It has meant we could spend a bit more on the party- naice biscuits to go with the curled up sarnies for example - I had honestly never even thpught about the fact we could have been making it cheaper. I've majorly missed a trick haven't I?

YANBU - why make your daughter learn something over the summer she is unhappy about for her 6th birthday party.
Better to have a small family party with things your daughter loves than spend money and time to gratify another adult/parent.

Quite cheeky of other parent to be honest.

I would just say “sorry I’ve discussed with DD and we tried roller skating but she really didn’t like it so that won’t work for us” I’m surprised by how many people seem shocked at the price. A lot of places charge £15 per head or higher the thing putting the price up to £400 is the number of children. My children don’t have parties every year because of the prices. My son wants a flip out party this year which is about £21 per head with a minimum of 10 children so a minimum cost of £210 for half the kids. I’ve never done a whole class party because it’s not a financial option for me. Having a joint party is a good way of being able to invite the whole class without increasing the cost but doing so with a CF will probably just end in disaster!

Wow, how cheeky. Practically telling you what party to have for your DD. I think trust your instincts and avoid her. She sounds very bossy and controlling.