Today I let my bully bully me for the last time

[FuckoffTwatty]

She has done it for close to 2 years. Not often, because I avoid her. I dropped out of baby groups, and let myself be ostracised from the mums group that gathers after preschool.

Today was the last straw. After I came home, I was really stressed from it, and snapped at one of my children who was pestering me because I was preoccupied and stressed from being bullied again.

Later, I was googling internet articles on how to handle adult bullies, when I sighed with frustration and threw my head back only to bang my head badly on the corner of a cupboard.

I then cried for about an hour as I was so upset that this bully had the power to cause repercussions that hurt me and my family physically and emotionally after the fact.

My bully is a Mumsnetter. Is it you?

Do you snub people and act like you haven’t seen them when you both know you have? Are you extremely rude to them when they are only ever nice to you, but only do that when no-one else is around so that you are never rumbled for what you are? Do you give dirty looks then saunter close by in an effort to intimidate? Are you sarcastic for no other reason that that you take some sort of pleasure from it?

Today was your last go at me. I might be nice and seem non-confrontational, but I see you for what you are, you are a mean-spirited ugly bully, and I am no pushover. I have a more varied life experience and strength of character than you can imagine.

I write this here because I think you will see it. You may wonder if it refers to you or not. Maybe it will make you think twice about being nasty in future.

You could even ask me next time you see me if I am a Mumsnetter too. I wonder if you are brave enough to ask me in front of other people?

Just waiting for the "are you the mumsnetter?" To pop up now....

As a pp said, this seems a very dramatic approach. You can't change the bully. You can only change your response to her.
Do you have friends in RL who can offer advice, support and perspective. You sound vulnerable and I'm concerned this approach may not be the best one.

I then cried for about an hour as I was so upset that this bully had the power to cause repercussions

In the nicest possible way, only because you are giving them that power, and it's way more than they deserve. If you normally avoid them, why are you letting them take up this much headspace? Don't change your behaviour. Don't avoid or leave groups. Just do what you want, mix with who you want, and try to let any nastiness wash over you. Rise above it - you ARE above it. If it's too obvious to ignore, call them out on it if need be. However, either this person is unaware they are doing it and you are being over sensitive, or they are well aware and thoroughly nasty. I doubt you'll get what you want from a confrontation in either scenario.

My mother always says "ships that pass in the night" of unkind people and that's very true. The people who don't matter to you will be out of your life in a few short years or often way less. Don't waste your precious time on them.

Maybe OP knows they use mumsnet but doesn't know their username.

I agree, I would ignore and make friends with the others. People will see the truth eventually.

What's the AIBU? Or was it posted here for her to see?
Are you going to stand up to her next time?

Wolfie It stops me going to places when she is there, so effectively places restrictions on what my children do and when.
It also stops me approaching the man group of mums that gather at preschool because she is always there.

These avoidance behaviours diminish mine and my children’s ability to form social relationships.

I understand that the obvious solution is to ignore her, but it is not that simple. And it’s really weird, because I am pretty far from the typical “victim type”, and have never been bullied before. It is a pretty new experience for me.

Your reaction to her stops you.
She doesn't stop you.
You can't change her.
You can change your reaction to her.

Ask her if she has to work hard at being a twat or if it just comes naturally.

I'm sorry this is happening to you OP. Some people are just weird.

Have you thought about counselling - mainly for some strategies to learn to deal with her? You need to get some tools in your back pocket so you feel like you can have control of the situation.

ohmydays, I am definitely not expecting my bully to respond on here. However, I do think she will see it. I get the impression she’s on social media quite a bit.

You’re such a bully.
You probably think this post is about you
You’re a bully
I bet you think this post is about you
Don’t you
Don’t you......

You walked into the schoolyard,
And you were giving it all you’ve got
You didn’t realise I’ve had my fill of you
And I have hatched a plot,
You had one eye on your victim and
You watched as I stalked by
And all the mums watched
As I shut you down bitch
I shut you down bitch and

You’re such a bully
You probably think this post is about you
You’re a bully
I bet you think this post is about you
Don’t you
Don’t you

You hurt me once too often
And you don’t even know my name
But I’m going to stand right up to you
And watch you squirm in shame
You never offer help on the PTA
Now I have found my voice
And I will show I won’t put up with this
I have a choice ( sing up!)

You’re such a bully...........

Repeat till your backbone feels as strong as steel.
You go and put up with her nasty mouth no more.
Oh and it’s Carly Simons ‘ You’re so vain’ tune you need to use!

Well if the op knows her bully is a mumsnetter then she must know her posting name?

How on earth do you get to that conclusion? My work colleagues know I'm a Mumsnetter. Like hell do any of them know my username. Lots of other people know I'm a Mumsnetter. Not a single one of them knows any of the usernames I have used over the years.

Well just phone her then or meet face to face.

yorkshireyummymummy that is brilliant! 😂
If only I could sing!

Are you the other mum from the soft play thread? If so it is always interesting to see the other point of view.

Showers yorkshireyummymummy with and s

Circle, no, but I’ll go and look at that now.

Op I reported your post as I thought it was quite frankly bollocks

I don't understand this need to report posts you don't believe are true.

There's nothing outlandish about this post. Why not move on if you don't believe it.

Tbh I find troll hunters bullies to a certain extent. People come on here in need of help/support and get their thread reported...Because it's not your bog standard problem.

Just tell her to fuck off. Job done. Simple but bullies don't like it when you stand up to them. You're giving her too much of you.

I don't understand this need to report posts you don't believe are true.

That's precisely what you're supposed to do. If in doubt, report and let MNHQ decide. What you're not supposed to do is to announce the fact and publicly brand someone as a troll.

Just laugh every time she does it. If gives you a dirty look stare straight back at her with an amused smile. If it’s just the two of you- laugh out loud. If she asks you why you are laughing say oh nothing in particular or just an amusing thought.
You will feel better and she won’t like it but can’t clearly point to you being rude

People will treat you as you allow them to.
I'm this world we live in Hun, your going to have to tell her to do one at some point if it's bothering you that much