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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
TammySwansonTwo · 30/05/2018 09:43

Glad you’ve spoken to the police - hopefully it they have a word with her it will scare her off

DarlingNikita · 30/05/2018 10:06

I've had a number of missed calls from her and one message saying 'don't worry ill look after her! '.

This is seriously screwed up.

Good on you for talking to the police. I hope you feel reassured. I also hope posters on here saying you were OTT talking about the police have rethought.

WhiteFreesias · 30/05/2018 10:12

When did you last tell her to stop contacting you?

Why haven't you blocked her number?

What did the police advise you to do?

MyOtherProfile · 30/05/2018 10:15

WhiteFreesias op was advised by police against blocking her number.

mateysmum · 30/05/2018 10:15

This pattern of events is not dissimilar to a recent thread where the OP moved into a house which she was renovating (it badly needed it) and the elderly neighbours acted as if they could regulate everything she did - telling her what wallpaper to use and where to buy it, wandering onto her garden and acting as if it was theirs. It got ridiculous and was really ruining the OPs new life but nothing that was really police worthy. Bit like softzillas nasty niggling.
Then eventually the neighbour confronted her aggressively, refused to leave the property and the police had to be called and care agencies involved.. Sadly for us this meant the OP got the threads deleted.
My point is though, Softzilla wants this to come to a head, ideally by getting unreasonable or her daughter alone. The calls/texts/growling that seem relatively insignificant are all just a prelude.

MyOtherProfile · 30/05/2018 10:16

Unreasonable sorry if yiu answered this already and i missed it but are you and SZ likely to send your kids to the same school? How long til they start school?

MyOtherProfile · 30/05/2018 10:19

WhiteFreesias if toblook bacl at the last couple of posts from the OP you can see that only yesterday morning she asked SZ not to contact her again and you can also see the police advice in OPs last post.

MyOtherProfile · 30/05/2018 10:22

"If you look back" that should say...

WhiteFreesias · 30/05/2018 10:36

Thanks MyOther.

The op's post said she had sent another posters response but not what it was.

In that case I'd send a please do not contact me response each and every time. (I wouldnt, I'd have blocked her number weeks ago).

MyOtherProfile · 30/05/2018 10:43

Tricky to keep track of it all isn't it? The poster op quoted was a page or two earlier and suggested saying no more contact or I'll contact the police. Then the police yesterday told OP to go grey rock or whatever it's called - silence. And not to block so that they can see her attempts at contact. Then if it persists the policeman will go and see her for a chat.

Twofigsnotgiven · 30/05/2018 10:55

You are definitely doing the right thing in going to the police, OP. We experienced a similar issue recently (long, boring story), and it was only once the police and solicitors became involved that the other person backed off. I honestly don’t think some people can see their own behaviour as harassment because they see their behaviour as justified somehow. It unfortunately often does take police or professional intervention to stop it. Even then Softzilla will probably play the victim, but you can’t control that. And at the end of the day you have to hope that people know you both well enough to see the truth of it. And if they don’t, so what.
What you can do is tell your soft play leader that you have had to get the police involved, I think you owe it to her, because Softzilla could well continue to make the soft play a very difficult environment for everyone. The leader sounds very sympathetic and supportive to your situation, and I think she will in all likeliness ask Softzilla to leave the group.

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 30/05/2018 11:08

I haven't blocked her number because I had advice from a member of the police not to. They want to be able to see what contact she is making and when, if I block her I won't know.
After the party invite I did warn her that I would be getting further professional advice on her continued contact if she carried on. So not exactly threatening police but a strong hint at it. The officer yesterday confirmed that he felt this was clear enough for them to now get involved. As I was still feeling unsure whether to take that step we agreed that I would take his number for any issues and he would contact me either later today or tomorrow morning to see if I wanted to take it further or if contact had stopped. It has not.
I have contacted the group leader. It is not on this week but she has taken down the log number and the officers number so she can use them if needed.

OP posts:
Flexoset · 30/05/2018 11:21

Just wanted to say how glad I am to hear that the police are in the loop. This woman is not normal.

Glad the soft play leader has been informed as well.

Flowers to OP for all this unpleasantness and stress.

AreThereAnyLumpsInIt · 30/05/2018 11:21

Oh OP, I really feel for you. Hugs and flowers for you... and wine SmileFlowers

I think you're being absolutely brilliant through this. You've absolutely done the right thing. I've been harassed and had to involve police before. Fortunately, that threat worked.

For those who don't understand, it's hard to explain how much this kind of seemingly low level harassment can play on your mind. It starts to get terrifying. I used to worry that my ex would turn up suddenly wherever I was. He'd ring me at 4am trying to get back together. He threatened to shoot himself (to which I said 'go on then' knowing full well be didn't have the cahonies to do it)... it's a very unpleasant situation to be in. Though this not a relationship situation, Softzilla is displaying similar worrying behaviour.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 30/05/2018 11:38
Flowers You're doing the right thing. Talk to the officer later or tomorrow and let them lead on this.
GabsAlot · 30/05/2018 11:46

glad tbe police took it seriously op-the woman is deranged

like others said i think she will deny any wrong doing and play the victim-some of the other mums dont think its even a problem so watch your back with them

ReanimatedSGB · 30/05/2018 11:53

Well done, OP. BTW (pretty please) could you repost whatever it was about how you knew there was no party? It seems to have been in one of the deleted posts.

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 30/05/2018 12:11

Party mum's dc is also in the same group of friends at preschool as my dc. I asked and she has heard nothing of a party. Neither have any of the other preschool mums that either of us know well enough to ask. No one has even heard about an anniversary coming up. The pub she mentioned is her local and she goes there regularly a couple times a week and is well known by the staff so I'm not brave enough to make enquiries there.

OP posts:
embod · 30/05/2018 12:11

Oh OP I have lost hours to these threads this morning. What started as a funny story about a CF has turned into something more sinister. Glad you’ve got proper advice from the police on this. Good luck hopefully this will all calm down soon Flowers

DarlingNikita · 30/05/2018 12:13

Christ, the party update is really sinister.

So glad you've got the police involved and on board, OP.

whatamistake · 30/05/2018 12:13

What a nut job

CarpeVitam · 30/05/2018 12:14

I can't believe this woman is persisting, she's unhinged! I feel for you OP,l HmmThanks

ReanimatedSGB · 30/05/2018 12:17

Oh OP that is really alarming, particularly as she's insisting that you take your DD and leave her there... You were absolutely right to inform the police.

itswinetime · 30/05/2018 12:24

Don't go to the pub, don't ask about the party anymore it's irrelevant if it is or isn't happening! Someone is contacting you repeatedly when you have asked them not to. It's a matter for the police if that's what you decide to do. Let them investigate if they need to.

Think about it from the flip side, the police go knock on her door, what will she say? She doesn't seem the type to go quietly. So be very careful that you don't do anything she can twist, like go into her local asking after her.

LaLaLongwhiskers · 30/05/2018 12:46

I was one of the posters who queried going to the police, but I take that back after reading the party update. Pretending to host a party as a means to see OP is beyond creepy and even more so that she wants OP to drop her child off without her! Hope the police can put an end to it all.

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