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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 29/05/2018 20:11

Perhaps ask for further advice from your policeman friend? What does he think about this constituting harassment ?

BlackberryandNettle · 29/05/2018 20:16

I'm another one thinking police involvement seems a bit drastic. Softzilla seems a pain and manipulative and over invested in the situation, but hasn't actually done anything that drastic? Just occasional texting and confronting op at group places they both normally go to? I think the police will have more serious things to deal with - there's no actual threat here that I can see, just irritating behaviour. Ignore and spend lots of time with nice/normal friends would be my advice.

fcekinghell · 29/05/2018 20:17

I'm confused, what is happening now and what's going on in reddit?

ChiefSuspect · 29/05/2018 20:57

I think inviting OP to an event in a pub, where no one else seems to have been invited sounds quite sinister. This and her apparent obsession with getting the op on her own.

Id be inclined to do radio silence following your last text asking her to stop contacting you. Then if (when) she persists, then follow through.

I honestly don't think that you are going to be able to deal with this without intervention from police sooner or later.

I didn't see the other thread. I wonder if it was Softzilla? If so you can be certain that she has been all through these threads.

sayhellotothelittlefella · 29/05/2018 21:47

Bonkers! This must be really quite stressful OP. You cannot reason with crazy

sayhellotothelittlefella · 29/05/2018 21:47

Bonkers! This must be really quite stressful OP. You cannot reason with crazy

justilou1 · 29/05/2018 23:46

I actually think you need to spell it out to her now. “I have told you not to contact me again. If you contact me or approach me again I will call the police.” I wouldn’t give her anything else, but I would follow through even if she replied to apologize. Even if the anniversary party turned out to be a surprise party for you (she’s just mad enough to give that a crack...)

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/05/2018 02:23

Oh Unreasonableness. I do hope you are OK. I know it feels dreadful at the moment but I do think that perhaps this whole nasty situation has to come to a head, so that it can finally go away and you can have peace again.
Just remember it's nearly the summer holidays and everything changes then anyway.
Her comments about the DD's friendships are just more nonsense to justify herself and portray herself as reasonable and to make you feel guity.
I think documenting everything is a good idea.and following the advice not to block due to evidence. Someone earlier suggested talking to your community police officer. Not quite the same as "reporting" but would give you more details/advice about what that entails.
Stay strong, I hope it's resolved soon x

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 30/05/2018 07:31

I called in yesterday afternoon to the police station (literally just up the road). Had a chat to a community officer. Have decided with him to give it another day more of grey rock for her to calm down but if it continues beyond today he'll pop over and have a word with her. He's given me his number and will give me a call in a day to see how things are.
I've had a number of missed calls from her and one message saying 'don't worry ill look after her! '.

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 30/05/2018 07:35

Good work op. That sounds about right. Glad the police have taken it seriously. And yeah totally not surprised she’s still contacting you. Do not contact me means nothing to her...

AhoyDelBoy · 30/05/2018 07:36

@Unreasonableunreasonableness
That's positive. Hopefully it doesn't come to the Police having to deal with it but it seems likely they will need to step in. I don't understand why she is so insistent on your DC attending? It's her wedding anniversary FFS. I have to say I'm very curious as to what her DH is like!

gambaspilpilmyfav · 30/05/2018 07:39

Unreasonable very sensible thing to do. As for her calling and messaging saying not to worry I will look after her. She is clearly bonkers. Why would she possibly think after all that has happened, confrontational behaviour at soft play etc , she thinks you would drop your DD at her anniversary party!

mmzz · 30/05/2018 07:41

I can't see what's going to make her stop today, unless she knows about the impending police visit.

Also, I predict that the police visit will stop her calling you, but lead to a switch where she plays the victim. I suspect that she'll be successful in getting several of the other mothers in the group to believe that you have over-reacted and police involvement is unwarranted.

However, if you tell her about the impending police visit today, then she'll just switch into the second mode a day sooner. i.e. you can't win.

FWIW Now that you've told her to stop calling you, and she's still doing it, and against the backdrop of quite a lot of harassment over things that have only happened inside her head, I think you were right to ask for police help.

Antigonads · 30/05/2018 07:46

Bonkers

mmzz · 30/05/2018 07:48

I had a stalker once, several years ago. I don't think he ever spoke to me, or if he did, it was before I became aware that he was stalking me. He used to just stare at me, glaring like he hated me, for hours on end. Without speaking there was a threat of violence in the air.

Once they get into your consciousness, you try to avoid them, and then they find out where you go to avoid them, and follow you there. After a while, anxiety about how to evade them and will you be lucky and not see them this time really begins to eat into your thoughts. It can take over.

If all my stalker had done was contact me by phone, I would have changed my number. It would have been a no-brainer, rather than have him take over my life for a while.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 30/05/2018 07:50

She certainly has a pattern of behaviour. When the police go round (because I'm very sure she won't stop contacting you) they're likely just to have a quiet word this time. If she continues afterwards, it wont be a quiet word after that.

Yy to her making out like you've over-reacted. Just be prepared to meet any accusation with the response that the police wouldn't have done anything if they didn't think it was serious.

DevilsDoorbell · 30/05/2018 07:52

Wow. Talk about a dog with a bone.

CoraPirbright · 30/05/2018 08:10

Well done OP. You are being measured about this even though she is bombarding you will more calls. Have I got this right - no one else has been invited to this ‘party’ of hers? There were several deleted messages and I think I missed something? If so, that’s downright weird. And, as Dobby says, have a response ready when people quiz you on involving the police. Something like “well when you have had x calls, x texts and threatening behaviour, the police do tend to take it seriously”.

Motoko · 30/05/2018 08:13

I agree with her switching tactics and getting others on her side, who will think getting the police involved is OTT. There have been a few people on this thread who have said they don't think the police need to be involved, even after you posted about being advised to do that by a police officer! And those posters have seen what she's been doing to you.

mmzz · 30/05/2018 08:24

I was one of them Motoko. After the day when SZ did not try to speak to the Op but had just sat staring at her in a crowded room, I didn't think the police would be interested (given that they don't always attend burglaries any more).

I got roundly vilified for saying that.

I changed my mind about police involvement, when the OP clarified that SZ was still trying to call her often and then the latest soft play incident happened. All it needed was another day of calls after SZ has been clearly told - not just requested - to stop, which happened this week.

If it were me, I'd aim to win the group opinion battle by showing the group leader and one (gossipy) person from the group who was there last week the list of texts and phone calls.

I don't think you and SZ can co-exist at the group any more. One of you will have to leave. I think it should be SZ, but she may be on her last chance with the group leader anyway.

emmyrose2000 · 30/05/2018 08:45

I've had a number of missed calls from her and one message saying 'don't worry ill look after her! '

That gave me the creeps! I wouldn't even let her look after my goldfish, let alone my precious child. God knows what sort of lengths she'd go to to try and poison the DC's mind. And what sort of sadist person would want the hassle of looking after someone's else very young child whilst in the middle of a hosting a non-existent party?

I would have my DH or some other male friend/relative phone the pub on the pretence of making a booking in the same area for the supposed date and time of SZ's party and see what they say. The reason I said male, was that if SZ genuinely has booked it and the pub staff happen to mention it to SZ, it won't throw immediate suspicion on OP if they mention that a man had also made enquires for that date.

CoraPirbright · 30/05/2018 08:54

Do you have any inkling of what the latest thing was about - when she came up to you and said what’s all this about? Has anyone been able to shed any light on that?

HappyLollipop · 30/05/2018 09:04

I can't believe this is still going on, SZ is absolutely crazy, she can't seem to take the word no for an answer! You've done the right thing by going to the police and I'm glad to hear their taking it seriously, if she won't listen to you hopefully the police will do the trick.

Motoko · 30/05/2018 09:30

mmzz I was specifically talking about the posters on the last few pages, who posted after OP had said she'd had advice from a police officer.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/05/2018 09:38

So creepy. I hope she’s just having a mental health issue that can be worked with (I know from my own MH issues that my judgement can be off and irrational and there are other conditions where you act more extreme).

But I’ve also been watching too much Grey’s Anatomy which tells me she must have a brain tumour. Hmm

Anyway, I hope this flags it up with her family and if it is out of character behaviour or a relapse they can get her help.