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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 29/05/2018 14:19

LaLa, this is essentially a disagreement about the social etiquette of who pays for what.

It stopped being just that a LONG time ago.

GabsAlot · 29/05/2018 14:41

as i thought using the kids-just contact 101 now its gone on too long

WhiteFreesias · 29/05/2018 14:47

As tempting as it is to address the awkward comment, block her number and move on.

Grey stone.

GabsAlot · 29/05/2018 14:47

the other threads been zapped

ChevalierTialys · 29/05/2018 14:56

Hardly rushing LaLa. Softzilla has had weeks to back off and leave OP alone as requested. OP stopped engaging immediately and SZ has pursued far longer than a reasonable person would.

sockunicorn · 29/05/2018 14:56

i was too late to see the other thread, can anyone give me the general jist of it?

BewareOfDragons · 29/05/2018 14:59

She just doesn't give up, does she? Very worrying... and as if you'd leave your little one with her after everything that has happened!?!

Jeezoh · 29/05/2018 15:06

Why don’t you just block her number? Then if she contacts you again (meaning she has to go to more effort than just dropping you a text), you go to the police then.

You need to go radio silence, literally there is no need for you to respond to any overtures she makes from now on other than to go to the police if she continues to try to engage with you when you’ve made it clear you’re not interested.

sockunicorn · 29/05/2018 15:25

@jeezoh because if she blocks her we wont have this addictive thread and things will stop happening and i will be forced to talk to my kids for entertainment she will be going against police advice from the friends policeman brother. and you should do what the police say.

Failingat40 · 29/05/2018 15:44

@Unreasonableunreasonableness scan you not phone the pub where the claimed 'Anniversary BBQ is taking place and check the details? See if the booking even exists?

Very odd she'd want her kids pals at what is essentially an adult celebration. It sounds as if she's trying to hang on to your friendship through the kids.

I wouldn't want my child becoming an innocent pawn in any of her games so I'm afraid I'd sacrifice the girls friendship with each other too. No way would I be comfortable with my daughter being in their company in any capacity out-with nursery / school.

Re the other thread re tight school 'mom', can mnhq do a bit of detective work on the IP address / location? If it is Softzilla, it could be another form of harassment imo.

Ipdipme · 29/05/2018 15:52

Preschool friendships are about as fluid as you get. The odds of them remaining life long friends are minuscule and I’d be discouraging any connection to anyone in her family anyway.

As if you’d entrust her to look after your DC when she’s clearly unbalanced! God knows what she’d be saying to your child!

MiddleClassProblem · 29/05/2018 15:57

Our nursery the parents don’t know each other so the kids’ friendships are just at nursery.

I wouldn’t worry if they can’t get together out of the group tones that they see each other.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 29/05/2018 16:17

I just can’t fathom what her game is here. What exactly does she want?

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 29/05/2018 16:49

OP you can pm me but do you live in Berkshire? In a 'two fords' place? Your experience is scarily similar to one I've had-surely there can't be two of them?!

Larrythecat · 29/05/2018 17:13

I had to cut off the parents of one of my DD's friends, she's 5yo. It really is not a big deal if they see each other in school, and even if not,as my DD moved to a different school reception. Unless they are the kind of friends who have constant sleepovers, send each other audio messages via the grown-ups' WhatsApp and the like, I don't think it has much impact. Specially when in your case the kids will see each other at school. Make yourself busy for that day and book something like a ticketed activity if you are feeling guilty about not sending her if you are at home.

LaLaLongwhiskers · 29/05/2018 17:28

Okay, so maybe rushing wasn't the right description, Chevalier, but going to the police still seems disproportionate. Yes Softzilla is being a massive PINA, but she hasn't threatened the OP, lurked outside her house or bombarded her constantly with messages and calls, which would definitely constitute harassment. If the OP is annoyed SZ keeps trying to sort things out with her when she doesn't want to, she should just block.

ArchchancellorsHat · 29/05/2018 17:32

It's not rushing, and if op said in the text that she would contact the police then that's what she'll have to do. Soft zilla has essentially said she's going to keep doing exactly what she's been doing. The police brother mentioned before didn't think it was silly to go to the police.

bringbacksideburns · 29/05/2018 17:45

Here's what I'd do.
Step away from the drama.
Block her number and don't reply.
Find another group to go to for a few weeks to help calm things down and send the message out to her you will not engage.
When / if you go back to the group and the bat shit crazy behaviour continues then call 101 for advice.

But really.. block the number. Why haven't you already??

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 29/05/2018 17:51

The op received advice from a policeman friend not to block or delete as it would all be evidence.

DarlingNikita · 29/05/2018 18:02

LaLa, she has continued to message and call the OP after being asked not to. And she has stared at the OP throughout a gathering, followed her around a room and grabbed her arm.

I really don't see how going to the police is disproportionate here.

YouTheCat · 29/05/2018 18:14

Don't forget the growling, Nikita.

OP, I'd just ignore for now. You have said no and for her not to contact you.

If she pursues this then log it.

DarlingNikita · 29/05/2018 18:23

Don't forget the growling, Nikita.
Oh yes!

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 29/05/2018 18:47

Not to mention the on your head threat early doors.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 29/05/2018 18:49

The growling makes me think of an autistic boy I worked with. He growled when he was getting frustrated. We knew to distract him or move them away quickly or they'd suffer a huge meltdown.

They were very rigid and black/white in their thinking. Rule breakers would upset them.

ReanimatedSGB · 29/05/2018 18:52

There's clearly something not quite right with the woman, but that doesn't give her a free pass to carry on harassing OP.