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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
kissthealderman · 26/05/2018 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 26/05/2018 21:10

Nothing really to report from the girls today I'm afraid. Apparently she only arrived a short while before me and had pretty much walked in saying 'where is she? ' and asking everyone if they knew if I was coming. So that was why there was a large group around her cos she had called them over asking if they'd heard from me.
The group leader had said that she had asked why softzilla wanted me and that she could pass a message for her but that softzilla wouldn't explain and that was partly why she was asked to leave.
I'd have thought if she knew about this thread she'd be on it by now.....

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 26/05/2018 21:46

I wonder what on earth this newest grievance is about. What a nutter.

OP you are so right. She would be all over this thread if she knew about it!

LexieLulu · 26/05/2018 21:48

Is her number blocked on your phone? Has she tried to get in touch since?

Raindancer411 · 27/05/2018 07:53

She just cannot let it rest! Do you always turn up with your friend, as think that's for the best to have someone with you

IDearlyLoveALaugh · 27/05/2018 09:18

Even if she had found this thread why not just come out and say it? Or tell the group leader what's going on?

Orrrr she could comment on the thread- waves hopefully

ciderhouserules · 27/05/2018 09:35

It is actually getting quite scary now OP - turning up gunning for you, not calming down... Sounds very 'playground bullying' but also quite scary.

I don't know what I'd do, other than try to find out what she on about, so that you are fore-warned.

ChiefSuspect · 27/05/2018 16:29

Op, I gave some advice on an earlier thread, and I will repeat it here. I have seen this type of scenario play out hundreds and hundreds of times in a professional capacity. This has now been going on for over 6 weeks? Softzilla has shown herself to be exceptionally tenacious, and I know that you hope that if you just don’t give her any ammunition or feed the drama that she will give up and stop. Friday’s little scene has made clear she isn’t going to do this.

Friend’s brother’s advice was good - I have said several times before that I think you needed to be clearer with Softzilla that you wanted her to stop contacting you. However, the legislation on harassment states that it is a course of conduct which the person knew or ought to have known was unwanted. So whilst it would have been preferable for you to have been explicit with her, the fact she has been asked to leave soft play on 2 occasions as a result of her behaviour, and your failure to engage does make it clear that she ought to have known.

The substantive offense of harassment is complete. However, many police forces have a policy where they will serve a police information notice (PIN) on a person suspected of harassment in the first place, before taking further action. So the friend’s brother is incorrect In saying that you have to have told her to stop before police will get involved. A PIN is basically a notice stating that if they continue the alleged course of action, they will be liable to arrest and prosecution.

I really would urge you to collate everything that has happened to date (these threads are a good start) and give serious consideration to going to the police. If not immediately, then perhaps give yourself until after next week’s group to see if there is any change (I can tell you now, there won’t be).

MintyChops · 28/05/2018 08:37

OP I have only just caught up with all this and I really think ChiefSuspect (and others) offer great advice. Spell it out to her, via the police and a PIN if necessary. She really sounds very, very unbalanced.

Flowers and Gin for you.....

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 28/05/2018 21:13

I'm keeping a record, this thread is helping. And I'm making sure that I don't delete anything on my phone.
I've recieved a message from her now that I'm not sure how to respond to. An invite to a bbq she's having for her wedding anniversary at a local pub. She's inviting all her DC's friends and she wouldn't want mine to miss out. It would be unfair for their friendship to be effected. I want to decline, but would that be unfair to my dc? They are friends, but it's preschool, how important are preschool friendships and would she feel left out? We've not been in this position before...

OP posts:
mmzz · 28/05/2018 21:17

Don't go.
Don't give mixed messages.

Goldmandra · 28/05/2018 21:17

Was that a name change fail, OP?

I would politely decline the invitation and keep this woman at arm's length at all times in future.

Do something else nice with your DCs.

Don't have any conversations with her. Just be that grey rock for as long as it takes for her to leave you alone.

HettySunshine · 28/05/2018 21:17

You've posted under the wrong username op. Might be worth asking for the post to be deleted if it's going to identify you.

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 28/05/2018 21:23

I've reported my post. Dopey tired moment. I was going to use next contact as a moment to say don't contact me again. But seems awful to turn down a invite and say that in one go?

OP posts:
PetulantPolecat · 28/05/2018 21:25

Why are you even asking whether you should attend when you just received very clear advice to tell her in writing to stop contacting you and that if she doesn’t, you will contact the police.

What the actual fuck !?

JustLikeBefore · 28/05/2018 21:26

the post doesn't have to be deleted, MNHQ can change the name back to the original poster name for that post. If OP wants, for consistency of the thread.

just report your post OP and ask.

PetulantPolecat · 28/05/2018 21:26

You were going to attend a party to tell her to stop harassing you. Oh ok then.

ShadyLady53 · 28/05/2018 21:27

For the love of all that is holy, Ignore and don’t go!

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 28/05/2018 21:28

No. I'm so not attending! I mean I'm not sure what to put in my response to her! Can I really say 'no ta and please never message me again'? Or shall I just decline the invite and leave the rest?

OP posts:
PetulantPolecat · 28/05/2018 21:28

Sorry HER party. You’re going to accept her invitation and go to her party to inform her that her communication is unwelcomed and considered harassment. Right. Over egging this shite now.

ShadyLady53 · 28/05/2018 21:30

Just ignore the text altogether. It’s basically an invite to engage in more drama. Do not reply and do not go...grey rock her!

Also...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3261930-Aibu-about-this-tight-school-mom?pg=1

You don’t think this is her do you?

PetulantPolecat · 28/05/2018 21:30

Really OP? Really? You can’t figure this out on your own despite getting advice from a police officer? You have to ask the internet. Ok.

NoodleKT · 28/05/2018 21:30

@ShadyLady53 I thought that when I read that thread!

Spotsandstars · 28/05/2018 21:32

Shady lady I was just going to tag the same thread!!!

Raindancer411 · 28/05/2018 21:35

Have I missed something?