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Original poster

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 12/05/2018 22:39

Jesus OP... I'm stunned by this escalation Shock

I'm going to bet this is not the first obsession this woman has stalked.. I'd certainly consider a legal options of stopping her coming near you and your family Flowers

mmzz · 13/05/2018 16:31

I've been following these threads, and I'm a bit confused. Maybe someone could explain why the police would be interested in a complaint that someone was staring at someone else in a public place? Or even that they have been repeatedly trying to request the other person ask them to come outside to sort out their differences in private?

I'm not saying that the other woman isn't odd - she is. Or that her behaviour is socially acceptable- it isn't. However, it has not turned into stalking or harassment. The OP doesn't seem to think she's in any kind of danger (not that the police would bother with that even if someone thinks they could be). So why are lots of posters talking about involving the police at this point in time?

minimalpatience · 13/05/2018 18:22

Perhaps because she grabbed the op's arm last week in an attempt to force her to interact/ react to the madness and is generally attempting to intimidate her.

mmzz · 13/05/2018 18:26

Have you never put a hand on someone's arm when trying to get their attention? "Grabbed" would be difficult to prove. Did it leave bruises?

Lizzie48 · 13/05/2018 18:40

Do you really grab a near stranger's arm? I certainly wouldn't, and I would hate it if someone grabbed my arm. There's no reason for it. Hmm

minimalpatience · 13/05/2018 19:03

@mmzz The op said she was asked to be left alone and turned around and that the other woman shouted at her whilst grabbing her arm. I can hand on my heart say I've never grabbed someone in that sort of a situation as frankly it would be an unnecessary and aggressive move and also technically an assault regardless of whether bruises were left.

You'll appreciate I wasn't there, I've merely read the threads and what the op has said, but whether or not bruises were left the other woman's behaviour was / has been clearly intimidating for others to have to intervene.

mmzz · 13/05/2018 19:27

i think the other person's behaviour is unacceptable - I already said that.
What I am also saying though is that its not a police matter. If someone glares at you - is that a police matter? if someone speaks to you even though you have asked them to go away - is that a police matter? If someone who you know enough to have invited to your child's party "grabs" (perjorative term) your arm and is insistent in trying to persuade you to engage with them, is that a police matter?

The other woman may well turn out to be trouble. Maybe one day she'll break the law. But right now, she hasn't even come close.

From the police / law's point of view this woman's "crimes" are extremely petty, and I don't think there is a law that covers someone looking at you from across a room at an event that you have both been invited to.

mmzz · 13/05/2018 19:31

Lizzie48 I think I'd hesitate to grab anyone's arm, least of all a stranger. However, I would reach out an put a hand on someone's arm, especially if I knew them.

Prove that it was grab, not hold. Grabbing would likely result in an injury. Does the OP say she was bruised? If she wants the police to act, then she'd need to convince them that her "grab" wasn't everyone else's "touch".

Mirrorwriting · 13/05/2018 19:45

The police involvement is for harassment defined as ‘a pattern of behaviour’. She called the op dozens of times. That’s not normal.

minimalpatience · 13/05/2018 19:57

The fact that you think the police may view the events as petty is largely irrelevant.

As I said before by laying a finger on her it was technically an "assault". then add the pattern of behaviour and the fact that she has been intimidating.

I haven't said the police should be called, but if I was the op I would certainly be keeping a record of events just in case things escalate as there are laws to protect people from that sort of behaviour.

Lizzie48 · 13/05/2018 19:59

That's why the thing to do is to keep a log of her behaviour. It's not about one single incident but about a pattern of behaviour. Overall, I would say that the OP has a case to bring to the police. Either that or a civil action.

Clutterbugsmum · 13/05/2018 20:27

mmzz I think it was initially suggest OP spoke to the police for advice when Softzilla was constantly texting, ringing her and harassing OP when she had been asked to stop by OP several times.

GabsAlot · 13/05/2018 20:53

shes been texting and calling her thats harrassment esp when asked to just drop it and move on

mmzz · 13/05/2018 21:02

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ChiefSuspect · 13/05/2018 21:56

Mmzz, from my professional experience I would categorise the totality of the interactions since the initial contact to be harassment. The volume of texts, missed calls etc when the op has made it clear she no longer wishes to discuss it does amount to harassment. I've seen police action taken on much less.

I'm sorry you have experienced having a stalker (I have too, it is awful), but stalking and harassment are different concepts that can sometimes overlap.

The legislation states that it is harassment where the person whose course of conduct is in question ought to know that it amounts to harassment of another if a reasonable person in possession of the same information would think the course of conduct amounted to harassment of the other.

The one thing I think the op should have done differently is to explicitly state that she doesn't want any further contact from this woman, but I can understand why she didn't.

mmzz · 13/05/2018 22:16

In that case, Chiefsuspect, I stand corrected!
The police aren't interested if your house gets broken into (which is find terrifying) but they'll act if someone is persistent in trying to get someone else to pick up their calls?

ReanimatedSGB · 14/05/2018 00:19

Any persistent attempts to make contact with another person can count as harassment. Repeated deliveries of flowers, chocolates etc can be a matter deserving of police attention if the sender has been told to stop sending gifts.
Softzilla has sent lots of messages, made repeated phone calls, pestered OP on several occasions and generally behaved like a mad fucking tiresome cunt - it is harassment.

mmzz · 14/05/2018 05:51

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Veterinari · 14/05/2018 06:09

mmzz you clearly know nothing about stalking or harassment laws and yet seem determined to berate the OP and defend Softzilla’s bat shittery regardless

Softzilla is harassing the OP and to be honest is bordering on stalking: ‘The effect of such behaviour is to curtail a victim's freedom, leaving them feeling that they constantly have to be careful. In many cases, the conduct might appear innocent ( if it were to be taken in isolation), but when carried out repeatedly so as to amount to a course of conduct, it may then cause significant alarm, harassment or distress to the victim.’

It’s not the OP’s responsibility to manage Softzilla’s behaviour or to point out that multiple phone calls texts and following behaviour is inappropriate - it’s up to softzilla to take responsibility for her own actions, or if she’s unwilling/unable to do this, for the police to make this clear to her.

mmzz · 14/05/2018 06:34

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Veterinari · 14/05/2018 06:47

mmzz there are two posts on this page where you make it clear that you think it’s the OP’s responsibility to manage softzilla’s Behaviour
Did the OP ever tell her to stop? She kept saying that she wanted to put things behind them, as far as I remember, but did she ever say stop with the phone calls and texts?

Prove that it was grab, not hold. Grabbing would likely result in an injury. Does the OP say she was bruised?

Just because you aren’t directing your comments at the OP it’s doesn’t mean that you aren’t criticising her behaviour or implying she should take responsibility, since she'll Be reading this thread, and that is pretty unkind. I appreciate that you’ve had a pretty horrible experience yourself, I would have thought that might make you more supportive and empathetic, not less so.

If you know nothing of the law it might be best to refrain from giving your own interpretation of stalking or harassment, and instead simply encourage the OP to seek help so that she can seek expert advice. Regular text messages, following, staring and phone calls are not normal. Yes softzilla May have stopped for now, but her behaviour is not normal and reporting it now means that there is a record should escalation occur again.

mmzz · 14/05/2018 10:34

No, Vet. You are missing the point. I am saying that the OP has a much stronger case if she has evidence. Evidence that it was a grab. evidence that everyone involved knew that the repeated phone calls were unwelcome.

ATM all the evidence that the OP has is anything the witnesses will say and a phone record, but the phone record doesn't show that the calls were unwelcome, and it definitely doesn't show that the other woman knew they were unwelcome but persevered anyway.
Otherwise its just she said, I said.

I was just suggesting how the other woman might rebutt any complaint should the police come calling.

Ucantarguewistupid · 14/05/2018 11:02

I would suggest not engaging with mmzz. Nothing said will change her mind.

OP I also suffered a stalker and the police were helpful. I had multiple phone calls, texts, a letter pleading for contact and friendship and this was enough for the police to agree this was harrasment and to have a chat, informal at first to give the person a chance to stoo of their own accord. When this was ignored - they called them to the station and gave a formal warning. They did have to have one more serious chat before it all stopped. And I too had the person sat staring at me and the police did record this as evidence of a pattern of unwanted attwntuon/behaviour.

They will take you seriously OP as in their experience this kind of behaviour can take a more serious and sinister turn and they'd rather nip it in the bud early. This is how they explained it to me. They are there primarily to prevent crime and would rather get involved early before escalation occurs.

Log it on 101.

Ucantarguewistupid · 14/05/2018 11:05

Also be prepared for a counter complaint. Don't worry, the police will have experienced this and will likely warn you that this will likely happen. They will treat it with the pinch of salt it deserves. This did happen to me also.

mmzz · 14/05/2018 11:09

Ok, thanks for that.

My oldest child is starting his GCSEs today, so, I've got other things to think about and, luckily, the days of softplay politics seem a long time ago.

I'll hide the thread now and leave you all to stress the OP out without my unwelcome interruptions.