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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
MissEliza · 05/05/2018 20:58

I think you need to be more aggressive/assertive with her. I'd take a friend round to her house and tell her in plain English that you don't want any contact with her. Block her on every form of communication.

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 05/05/2018 21:27

Thank you everyone. I took a day out away from everything today apart from a brief chat with the group leader. She's assured me that I am very welcome back next week and has says she will ensure that her group is a safe space for any mum who wants to come.
My husband has been wanting to come with me to meet her since this all started and more so now. I think this would be a bad idea so fortunately he works....

OP posts:
magoria · 05/05/2018 22:28

If she gets OP outside away from the others then she can say that OP did/said anything and it would only be her word against OPs.

At least with OP saying in public or getting it all in messages loonytoons can't lie without there being evidence to the contrary.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 05/05/2018 22:32

Glad the group leader has said what she did.

Try to keep the hell away from the crazy woman.

This isn't a helpful suggestion but it would be amusing to think about agreeing to step outside of the group but having DH just miraculously appearing outside Grin

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 06/05/2018 06:29

Is the Group Leader allowing SZ back too?

NCJaneDoeNut · 06/05/2018 07:15

Group leader should ask why she keeps wanting to talk to OP with no witnesses.

Pp’s suggestion of going to Softzilla’s house is a bad idea.

Softzilla is in my autocorrect now Grin

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 06/05/2018 07:52

she really does sound unhinged, I’d personally be worried about her insistence about speaking to you outside alone, on reading the thread I personally find this threatening behaviour! Not once has she apologised nor has she cooled off, it’s became a power issue for her now, and she’s fabricated her own story to justify her pertulant behaviour.

LEMtheoriginal · 06/05/2018 08:54

I can't help but feel that you should have either had the conversation with her in the first place or just told her to fuck the fuck off. I understand why you did neither but I think she would have been gone by now.

Now is the time to block and ignore.

Police? Good luck with that

greenlynx · 06/05/2018 09:03

Hopefully the group leader will explain her that she needs to leave you alone and focus on her own child/children. It's very strange behaviour.
Have a nice weekend!

NCJaneDoeNut · 06/05/2018 09:05

you should have either had the conversation with her in the first place or just told her to fuck the fuck off.

But she did. OP has rightly been refusing to go outside alone with Softzilla. OP asked her to say what she wanted to say and Softzilla just stood there silently and looked at OP.

OP has said ‘whatever the misunderstanding was let’s just move on.’ Softzilla doesn’t want to do that.

Doesn’t want to talk. Doesn’t want to forget about it. What can OP do? OP has told Softzilla to leave her alo
But she sends dozens of missed calls.

Softzilla has something mentally wrong beyond OPs reasonable expectation to handle alone. The play leader is now involved. Maybe police if this stalking continues.

LEMtheoriginal · 06/05/2018 09:12

I take your point. Maybe fuck off was the way to go? Hopefully it will Move On now.

Clutterbugsmum · 06/05/2018 09:14

I would let your husband talk to her as she could them claim he threatening her and he can get into trouble.

I suspect the group leader has probably told her she is welcome back but she is not to under any circumstances cause trouble by trying to speak to you and that she knows what has happened and she is not to harass you.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2018 09:26

What is her obsession with talking outside? I mean I know she’s doing it so she can fabricate things but it makes her sound like she’s some bloke in a pub in the 50s.

Friend 1 sounds awesome (not that the others don’t but I like a justice fighter)

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 06/05/2018 09:33

Has softzilla tried contacting you any more outside of the playgroup? I’m just wondering whether it is worth a chat with the police about anti harassment. It seems a bit extreme but just wondered if you’d heard any more of her or if it appears to be tailing off. Definitely if she tries anything more after this I’d be having a word. I’m beginning to think there’s something seriously wrong with her. This goes beyond cheeky fuckery.

Take care and hope you’re having an awesome weekend. Glad friend one and dh have got your back

mygoditsfullofstars · 06/05/2018 09:47

She sounds like she is totally obsessed with you - very stalkerish. I think she is trying to control you and isn't happy that her vision of how the relationship is going isn't being replicated in reality. She sounds like a control freak, I mean, what do you think she actually wants to say to you that can only be said in private?

IDearlyLoveALaugh · 07/05/2018 13:12

Wow. She is as nutty as a fruit cake. Explicitly tell her in writing to not contact you again.
Any more contact and I would contact the police for a Police Instruction Notice.

amicissimma · 07/05/2018 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TomRavenscroft · 07/05/2018 13:34

I would let your husband talk to her as she could them claim he threatening her and he can get into trouble.

No, this is just baiting/setting her up.

strivingforsuccess · 07/05/2018 21:30

Unreasonable - I can't find the 2nd thread - my Sunday evening is in turmoil until I can! 🤦‍♀️😂

ChiefSuspect · 07/05/2018 21:45

This is the 2nd thread.

I always think it is worth remembering that this is the op's real life, and it must have been really stressful for her and it is still an ongoing issue with no real resolution.

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 21:46

This is the 3rd thread...

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 07/05/2018 21:47

Second one started by the OP.

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 21:48

Second thread started by OP below:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3219586-Softzilla-You-play-you-pay

Cocktailismyfavouritefilm · 07/05/2018 22:33

@MiddleClassProblem

That's the original thread. We're already ok the second thread!

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 22:34

No the original thread had no softzilla in the title... link is somewhere in the first few pages.

Swipe left for the next trending thread