Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 04/05/2018 13:08

You have nothing to apologise for, to anyone. Softzilla was blatantly harassing you. It was very poor form by the "leader" to not realise this and to not kick out the person causing the problem. If anything, she should be apologising to you (as should Softzilla, but we all know that won't happen).

Starlight2345 · 04/05/2018 13:13

I agree reply to your friends . I also think I would give an explanation to group leader

WhingyNinja · 04/05/2018 13:22

Shock I honestly don't think I'd have been able to refrain from screaming 'Get the fuck away from me NOW!!' after the arm grab. My oh my she is a persistent psychopath.

You've nothing to apologise for, you've been driven to this and would have said something eventually.

I really want to give SZ a good shake and ask her what the hell her problem is!

stabbybitch · 04/05/2018 13:23

Do not apologise to anybody, you did nothing wrong. She had no right to touch you at all, if that was me she would have got a gobfull too.

I would be texting her saying what the fuck is wrong with you, stay the fuck away from me or I'm getting a restraining order!

This is going to get much bigger if you don't make it clear to her that you don't want a friendship with her & to say away from you.

zzzzz · 04/05/2018 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 04/05/2018 13:31

Been lurking here.

When you said you'd flipped, I thought you'd tried to kill her by inserting a soft toy into her. Your response was perfectly okay. You're being childish? Standing right behind you all the time is childish. Her friends tried to diffuse the situation by calling her over, cos they knew what was going on. She ignored them.

Yes, go back to your friends who have messaged you - tell them that you were too embarrassed to answer. They'll understand. Message the group leader too.

Then get down the police station.

Hidingtonothing · 04/05/2018 13:35

OP I'm not at all happy that you're the one left feeling shitty and embarrassed here, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong to me, just got understandably sick of being harassed by SZ. If it happened the way I'm picturing from your description it was probably glaringly obvious to everyone who was being batshit and it certainly wasn't you.

I hate to suggest it (because I'm generally a nice person, much like you Smile) but would you consider using her behaviour today against her, in much the same way she is trying to do to you? I might be inclined to tell the group leader about SZ's harassment of you, the continued messages and attempts to get you alone long after you've tried to put the original incident to bed, and see whether she might agree it would be best if SZ did not return. I'm starting to think it's her or you as far as this group is concerned and it would be completely wrong for you to be the one forced out so maybe it's time to play her at her own game just a little bit?

bonnyshide · 04/05/2018 13:50

' Dear Softzilla, please don't talk to me, text me or phone me again. I have been feeling harassed and picked on by you. I have nothing to say to you, I do not wish to repair our friendship, I just want you to leave me in peace.

Obviously we have a lot of friends in common and attend the same groups, I would like us to both, as well as everyone else, to feel free and comfortable in these circumstances.

You falsely accused me of not paying my way a while ago now, you were wrong, I drew a line under it a very long time ago. Your constantly trying to engage me in conversation about this matter has not been welcome.

Again I will reiterate: do not contact me or speak to me again.'

DunkandEgg · 04/05/2018 14:07

I'd make it clear, and said in front of others, in no uncertain terms that you will file her with a harassment order if she persists in contacting you again when in public or private. Remind her you have all her messages saved onto your phone, likewise her call log and you will not suffer anymore bullshit from this day on.

TomRavenscroft · 04/05/2018 14:10

I agree with Hiding. You've nothing to apologise for. The group leader spoke as though you and she were equally at fault, which she can be forgiven for as she doesn't know the whole story.

But I'd be very tempted to ask to meet her somewhere quiet, or speak on the phone, and make clear to her the scale and duration of this woman's behaviour. Tell her it's been and continues to be serious enough that you're looking into a harassment order.

She can decide whether she wants you and/or Softzilla back at the group once she has all the info.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 04/05/2018 14:13

Reply to your friends definitely. They'll make you feel better I'm sure.

Let the group leader know you've been under some sustained harassment from softzilla and that her grabbing your arm was the last straw. By all means apologise but do it under caveat.

Hissy · 04/05/2018 14:34

I agree that given the circumstances, your response was both appropriate and measured. Your group leader possibly wimped out of getting her to leave because she didn't want to compound this issue by effectively ganging up on Softilla. Perhaps though that is the protocol best used to diffuse a situation, I dunno.

I think softzilla may have personality disorders at play, the dogged insistence, the inability to realise that it's NOT something she has to do no matter what, the out and out insistence in not letting this go all smacks of something more than just a silly woman feeling excluded, or whatever it was at the outset of all these shenanigans.

that is irrelevant though, she has overstepped the mark and it has now gone into a weird no-way-back situation.

Your friends need to tell her to stop today. she needs to leave you alone.

KichenDancefloor · 04/05/2018 14:38

The situation isn't funny at all but...

When you said you'd flipped, I thought you'd tried to kill her by inserting a soft toy into her.

... had me choking on my tea.

StormTreader · 04/05/2018 14:52

You've done so well, I'm in actual awe.

I would be at the point by now of the next time she tries it, saying loudly and firmly "Do you really want us to go outside? Because if we do, I'll be telling you some home truths that you won't like. Is that what you want? I've been polite and patient with you up until now, I'm done with that now. Let. It. Drop."

Clutterbugsmum · 04/05/2018 15:09

I read as the playgroup leader wanted to softzilla in her view until you had left the building so she didn’t confront you outside.

But don’t apologise as you have done nothing wrong.

Let your friends know you are ok but upset about this morning.

Also let the ground leader
Know what’s happening as she may ban softzilla as her behaviour is too unstable

DesertIslandPenguin · 04/05/2018 15:10

Oh wow, she really isn’t going to let this drop. You poor thing OP. I have no idea how to de-escalate things with her, but an explanation and maybe a bunch of flowers for the group leader would be nice.

Raindancer411 · 04/05/2018 16:02

I would message the group leading and say as far as you are aware you told her it was water under the bridge and they was it. That it is her keep trying to bring it back up and won't let you alone

Thislife2018 · 04/05/2018 16:07

I was constantly hounded by a woman who I’d disagreed with several times over a few weeks. Stopping me in the street having a go etc. I reported it to 101 with her name and address. I’m guessing she got a visit as although I saw her again in the street she never approached me again. It might be worth a go as this is getting out of hand now.

YouTheCat · 04/05/2018 16:08

You need to tell the group leader that this woman has followed and harassed you even though you repeatedly asked her to stop and that you do not wish to engage with her at all.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 04/05/2018 16:16

Sorry to hear all this.

I would also speak to the group leader. Explain the situation. If you have the million missed calls and weird texts I’d add them too. Say she’s bordering on stalking.

But don’t feel shit. You’ve done nothing wrong. And speak to your friends who are texting. Maybe they can back you up to the group leader.

Cagliostro · 04/05/2018 16:22

You poor thing :( you shouldn’t be the one feeling bad

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 04/05/2018 16:22

I think you need to explain to the group what has happened.

Do not be alone with this woman. She sounds unhinged and she could do anything.

This is not normal behaviour. Send her a text and tell her to leave you alone and then block her.

Contact 101 if she tries to contact you again.

ChiefSuspect · 04/05/2018 16:23

Holy shit.

This needs to be reported to the police as harassment. Note down everything to date - all interaction, missed calls, texts, social media - absolutely everything, then bring it with you when reporting it to the police.

Don't bother with text messages threatening a harassment order. Contact from the police might stop her, but ultimately if it doesn't, then they will prosecute. The police might suggest serving a PIN on her (police information notice) which is basically a warning that if she persists she is liable to arrest and prosecution. Don't whatever you do be persuaded to just 'report for information'.

I also agree you should e-mail group leader and explain what has been happening, and advise that you have been left with little choice but to report to the police as a harassment matter.

I have seen this type of scenario hundreds of times in my professional capacity. She isn't going to drop it - you need to report it to police.

Lizzie48 · 04/05/2018 16:28

That's good advice from Thislife2018. It would be a good idea to call 101. If the police have a word she might back right off. But you would need support from the group leader, as you both go there with your DCs.

I really do feel sorry for her DC.

NameChangeOnTheRegular · 04/05/2018 16:43

Maybe explain the situation to group leader, but maybe also explain that she is actually she is harassing you at the group, and you'd welcome her support?