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Original poster

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
JustCallMeTheOven · 28/04/2018 08:59

Softzilla definitely made a thing of texting you in front of an audience, send back"new phone don't have all my numbers, who's this?" Itll really wind her up haha xx

userinterface34 · 28/04/2018 09:10

I think her problem is you’re not doing as she tells you. Each time she is telling you what to do... meet me first. Call me back. Come outside. She’s controlling and you’re (quite right) refusal to let her is infuriating her. It sounds like it’s eating her up! Hurting your friends feelings like that sounds unhinged and would worry me and it doesn’t sound like you’ll get any resolution soon because she’s shown her self to be the kind of person who needs to be right or win. Presumably her small child was made to wait for the 45 minutes she was late to the party, outside when all the others were having fun... so she’s willing to put her child’s feelings to one side in her odd quest. You’re right to disengage. She’s odd. Can you start a group chat for the ‘where are you nessages’ So it’s all open and no need for her to directly text / call you? On the pretext it saves lots of texts and a reason for not turning up can be given to all? It will take away another reason for her to contact you?

Failingat40 · 28/04/2018 09:44

She's made you look bad for ignoring her text while replying to others at the group.

She will now thrive on playing the victim of your cruelty Grin How you're being really off with her and not telling her why etc etc.

Be ahead of the game in future, text one member of the group before group starts to let them know you're not going to make it. That way when everyone starts asking where you are one person can say oh she's not coming she has plumbing issues.

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 28/04/2018 09:57

Failing I had done that. But it's quite a big group so the message doesn't always get round, especially if that person doesn't chat to everyone.

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 28/04/2018 10:30

See this is why I asked how close softzilla is to everyone. I would say something along the lines of buttocks post to people who asked. Spell it out frankly but lightheartedly what a nightmare she’s been. I would definitely mention the lying to pregnant friend to make her feel shit as that is totally inexcusable.

If she’s got form and not so close you’ll maybe get a splinter group or at least people will appreciate you want to give her a wide berth.

If she’s more ingrained in the group it might be more tricky. And it might get what she wants - to ostracise you from the group.

Personally I still wouldn’t respond to her. She’s a loose cannon. Nothing will ever be enough for her. And even if you wrote the nicest possible thing she will still make out you threatened to have her assassinated.

flubdub · 28/04/2018 10:45

Well you've done better than me OP.
There is absolutely zero chance that I wouldn't have been able to tell her why she is wrong and how ridiculous she is. I just wouldn't have been able to keep it in!
It might not be the right thing to do but it would make me feel a million times better.

She is absolutely nuts!!

elisenbrunnen · 28/04/2018 11:49

Ignore the Flying Monkey and jsut continue the Grey Rock. it's driving her mad(der)

ReanimatedSGB · 28/04/2018 11:52

Definitely keep on with the grey rock thing. If you keep acting as though she doesn't matter in the least, it will drive her bugfuck but give her nothing to grip on to.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 28/04/2018 12:02

The 'grey rock' is working. I think your instincts are spot-on, Unreasonable and you should keep doing exactly what you're doing. She is showing more and more of the group more and more of her true colours.

I suspect she's trying to "Wendy" you, but I don't think it'll work because other members of the group really like you, plus she's showing a not-very-nice side to herself to them.

Keep trusting your instincts and behaving with the dignity you are. You've got this, and you're doing absolutely fine!

TheMonkeyMummy · 30/04/2018 21:59

Good luck for this weeks playgroup!

HouseworkIsASin10 · 01/05/2018 10:12

FFS she is like a dog with a bone!! I'd end up flipping on her which probably would give her great satisfaction.

Just block. If you can't get the messages then she can't accuse you of ignoring her.

Strawberry2017 · 03/05/2018 22:41

Are you going to soft play tomorrow? Good luck if you are. X

sockunicorn · 03/05/2018 23:22

love that its not just me sitting here, waiting for fridays to roll round

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/05/2018 10:59

I went to group. As did she. Am back home now (an hour early) as she would not leave me alone so I blew up at her. Group organiser intervened and asked us both to leave. Told us we are welcome back if we can put this behind us and behave appropriately. I am going to email her later and apologise. I feel so ashamed.

OP posts:
couchparsnip · 04/05/2018 11:05

You were trying to put it behind you! You'd already said you were happy to move on. Surely they can see it's not you that's the problem.

Don't feel bad for blowing up at her, you're human and constant harrassment would make most of us act the same way I'm sure.

What did you say to her?

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 04/05/2018 11:06

Oh no. Don't kick yourself too hard, she's pushed you a lot.
If you do apologise though, please ask her to just leave you alone from now on.

TheStoic · 04/05/2018 11:06

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SleightOfMind · 04/05/2018 11:11

Oh no! Don’t be ashamed, we all have a breaking point and you had some pretty extreme provocation.

I can’t believe she was hounding after all your requests to put it behind you. She sounds maddening.

Has anyone from the group been in touch since you left?

ReanimatedSGB · 04/05/2018 11:11

Oh love, sorry this happened. You have had an absolute bellyful of this cunt and it's not surprising you finally blew up.

Unfortunately, that's what people like her do. They keep on and on tormenting their victims until the victim snaps, and then the bully plays the martyr.

WowLookAtYou · 04/05/2018 11:12

Apologise for what, exactly?

Lizzie48 · 04/05/2018 11:15

Very helpful, TheStoic not!! What is the point of such an unkind post? If you're fed up with the thread just don't post.

Everyone has a breaking point and the OP has finally snapped.

I wouldn't apologise actually, it will just lead to her continuing to contact you. You should block her. She should be banned from the group, it's sounding like she has serious MH issues.

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 04/05/2018 11:18

What actually happened at group? Have you witnesses to her hassling you there today?

TheStoic · 04/05/2018 11:26

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Failingat40 · 04/05/2018 11:37

@TheStoic why are you reading this thread then?!!

Another irritating person who likes to moan when you're perfectly free to choose another thread of interest.

Bizarre!

TheStoic · 04/05/2018 11:39

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