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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 27/04/2018 15:13

Laiste it did make sense and that's exactly what I meant. Like she messaged to ask if I was ok and lead the conversation round to softzilla in not a very subtle way if you get me.

I was going to reply with the same message as I sent to the others. Along the lines of 'yeah fine I just had a plumber in. Hope it all went fine '. But i hesitated cos I was just thinking that alot of what she's been doing has seemed like it's been wanting to get a response, and this could be the same.
And if she was with the other person as she was messaging she'll know that I delayed replying to her So maybe it's too late to send it now.

OP posts:
TomRavenscroft · 27/04/2018 15:16

Hopefully the rest of the group won't get dragged into softzilla's pathological need for ongoing drama.

It does sound to me like she's trying to create a big thing here and get everyone involved.

I'd ignore the 'surprised' message.

PleaseAndThanks · 27/04/2018 15:18

Softzilla is crafty. Messaging you and telling everyone you didn’t reply... whilst they obviously don’t know the full backstory

hdh747 · 27/04/2018 16:14

Mmm, so now she can play the, 'well I don't know why she's ignoring me when I was so concerned about her' card. Wow she's a nasty, clever, little piece of work.

Gemini69 · 27/04/2018 16:26

stop responding to everyone.... say nothing ... your simply busy..... trust your instincts OP Flowers

willynillypie · 27/04/2018 16:29

Wtf is wrong with the person sending you the "surprised" message? Sounds really PA and irritating/none of her business. I would ignore SZ and just ignore the other person too. So childish.

Lizzie48 · 27/04/2018 16:43

You really won't be free of SZ as long as you go to this group. Because she's very much a part of it and she clearly isn't going anywhere.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 27/04/2018 16:49

I don’t know how close the group is. And how close softzilla is to them all. Sadly i think unless the others wise up a bit this is neverending.

What does party friend say - she seems onside and aware of all the shit.

gamerchick · 27/04/2018 17:14

Come on OP you must nip this shit in the bud now. Tell nosy fucker friend that you have had a busy day with the plumber thing and you’ll see them next time. Ignore the stupid crazy lady but it sounds like you need to face this head on or find another group. I personally couldn’t be bothered with this shit.

Confront the silly cow, get it over with.

FantasticButtocks · 27/04/2018 17:41

It's almost as if softzilla got hold of that other person's phone... She's very calculating and seems to have been actively mounting a campaign to discredit you in the group. Punishment for all your wrongdoings- refusing to accept her invitations to argue and thrash things out, refusing to be her close friend and put up with her unpleasantness, refusing to pay for her at soft play, refusing to accept her calls and respond to her texts and requests.

I'd send a text back to that friend while softzilla is sitting looking over her shoulder...and just say... Yes, I haven't replied to SZ because she's been behaving like an unhinged stalker and won't stop texting, calling and insisting on having conversations I'm not interested in having! Her imagination runs riot and she's been behaving very oddly and I just don't have the time or inclination for more of her nonsense! But yes, thanks, I'm fine, just had a leak and stayed in for plumber! SZ is getting her knickers in a twist over nothing yet again!!!

MipMipMip · 27/04/2018 17:42

Reply to surprised "I don't know why. I had replied to x and knew they would tell everyone there. I was too busy dealing with plumber to reply to everyone. "

MipMipMip · 27/04/2018 17:43

Forget mine, send buttocks'.

DadDadDad · 27/04/2018 17:46

Mip - your last post is a good example of the critical difference an apostrophe makes. Grin

MipMipMip · 27/04/2018 17:49

Either version works Dad. Grin

DadDadDad · 27/04/2018 18:45

While sending one's buttocks conveys a strong message, it does limit one's ability to do basic things like sit down or walk...

DeegeeDee · 27/04/2018 18:45

Or you sent a reply which got lost in the ether, just like the apology she sent you.

zzzzz · 27/04/2018 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChiefSuspect · 27/04/2018 20:24

MipMipMip's suggested text is good. Or Buttock's Grin

Softzilla is tenacious. How long has it been since her first odd behaviour?

I think the conversation at group went along the lines of softzilla saying she thought you had blocked her, then sending the text to prove the point. Underhand cowbag is texting you to get to to either confirm you received it but didn't reply, or for you to fess up that you have blocked softzilla.

What has friend 1 said about group today? (although perhaps you would be better not asking and trying to let it drop).

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 27/04/2018 22:17

I haven't spoken to friend 1. I won't message anyone to ask as I don't want to feed the drama! (Irony of all the posters saying I am already) I just sent a flippant reply of 'oh was just busy! ' to the other Person and changed the subject.
Im going to change my tack a little from now in an effort to be clearer to softzilla where we stand. So I'm going to continue to be grey rock as much as I can but if I feel i have to respond it will be a sharpish 'this is done now, I want to drop it and will discuss no further '.

OP posts:
ChiefSuspect · 27/04/2018 22:37

Or 'why are you still contacting me?'

Flipertygibbert · 27/04/2018 22:37

Hate what you're going through with this awful woman. I'm genuinely feeling anxiety for you as I'm very private. It'll peeter out soon, so don't stress or worry. Just keep being you and this'll be distant (shitty) memory . Love the grey rock idea. I sent it to my two teens for future.

Sending you luck 💫

busybuildingdens · 27/04/2018 23:52

What is grey rock? I keep seeing it popping up on threads and have no idea!

ReanimatedSGB · 28/04/2018 00:00

It's a way of dealing with very tiresome people who want a reaction from you (anger, distress, obvious hurt feelings, attention). Just be as unengaged and unengaging as possible, don't rise to any bait, don't display any upset no matter how much they needle.

TemptressofWaikiki · 28/04/2018 02:56

I’d prefer ‘Grey Rock’ to entail dropping a mahoosive boulder on Softzilla. Grin

TheMaddHugger · 28/04/2018 04:00

@busybuildingdens Fri 27-Apr-18 23:52:13
What is grey rock?
www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/