Just got told that I'm racist toward my own child

[jumpiin]

I was at the park with my son, not many people there just one other lady with her two kids. I smiled at her on the way in and she gave me a dirty look. Bit strange but just ignored it. I was playing and we were having a great time, we were laughing and I called him a cheeky monkey affectionately. This lady storms over to me and tells me not say that around her children (she was black for the record) she was very rude and stood right in my face. I asked her what the problem was and she gave me a big speech I can't exactly how she worded it as I'm fuming but she basically said, me calling my own baby a cheeky monkey was racist because he's mixed, she also said that I was ignorant and that I needed to educate myself because I know nothing about my own child's race. She then told me that I'm "just another one of those girls who thinks a brown baby is an accessory". She then stormed off and I've come straight home as the afternoon was ruined and I'm still reeling! I assume she made these assumptions because I'm white, I've taken the time to learn about my DPs culture and DS is learning to speak English and Swahili and as for seeing him as an accessory that's just ridiculous, he is the most precious and important thing in my life. Aibu to think that she was in the wrong here and that she is a part of the problem? And to think that I can call my child whatever I want as long as there's no malice behind it?!

@mirrivan same to you xxx

@mirrivan A CHEEKY monkey. Not just monkey. And I will thanks. Out of curiosity are my DP and MIL also horrid racists for calling DS a cheeky monkey. I mean they've faced horrible racism and struggles ever since coming here but fuck if they call a child a cheeky monkey that's all down the drain and they're racist too right. And all the other PoC on this thread who call their children cheeky monkeys. A big bunch of racists?

Oooh that's pissed me right off. I did have some sympathy for your ignorance OP, now I just think you're an idiot.

MirriVan You're embarrassing yourself and other black people on here, please stop.

OP pls ignore. Do not engage with this level of tomfoolery.

Ffs. Stupid woman is totally bonkers. She was the one who had a problem with you when she gave you the dirty look when you first saw her. She obviously has an issue with inter racial relationships and kids and pounced on the one thing she could to make a point, which was utterly ridiculous anyway.

It worked extremely well with him.

What worked extremely well with him, OP?

What a strange post. You are volunteering irrelevant details to bolster your post. Why is it relevant that you talked over her? And why the 'oops'?

I cannot believe that it was simply an affectionate way to call your kids have become a racial insult.

My son has always being called cheeky monkey by myself. We are both dark. If someone came to try to give me a lecture on what racism is I could give them so much more serious things to think about and a big mouthful.

If someone came to try to give me a lecture on what racism is I could give them so much more serious things to think about and a big mouthful.

Is that a threat of violence NotSure? Who is it supposed to impress?

Does sticking “cheeky” in front of any other racial slur make it OK?

I don’t think Mirrivan is making a fool of herself...I think she’s trying to make a point. But as usual people can’t see past their own defensiveness to understand it.

OP...you are not racist. Nobody who ever called a child a “cheeky monkey” is racist. The vast majority of PoC would not regard it as racist if someone called their child that. Context matters & that woman in the park was a dickhead.

BUT...we also have to include the context that in many, many other circumstances calling a black person a “monkey”, cheeky or otherwise, IS racist.

Why can’t that be talked about? I don’t get it,

I'm not including the cheeky part because the word cheeky is not the problem. Putting 'cheeky' in front of monkey does not cancel out the racist connotations! Other POC may think it's OK too. This does not validate it. Some POC are ALSO IDIOTS!

MirriVan You've totally lost your argument now, and its clear you are short of intelligent words for further debate. Throwing your toys all over the place, shouting and calling people names is not going to win anyone to your way of thinking.

At least the last bit of your post is correct.

@lacucuracha I admire the way he was raised and the way race and racism is discussed in his household. I love the man it's made him today and plan on raising my child in the same way whats strange about that? Also talking over people is rude and wasn't the best way to handle the situation on my part hence the oops? @mirrivan okay I disagree. I don't care to continue debating with you because we will not come to an agreement

I think there is quite a leap between calling a small child a cheeky monkey, particularly your own small child, and any hint of racism, unless you are a bit racist really.

It’s fascinating how the “it’s PC gorn mad” people are always fiercely defending their right to say things that might offend, when it would be so easy just not to. My father’s preferred term of affection was “bugger lugs”. I remember it fondly, but somehow manage not to use it. Because people might not like it.

I haven’t read tft but think about it this way. Many black people experience racism. A very common form is of saying they are not human , they are monkeys. That’s an awful thing to say.

So to be called ‘monkey’ even as a ‘fun’ thing has undertones that you will. Never have encountered.

It’s like giving a Jewish person a t shirt with a yellow star that says ‘you’re a star!’
No malice is intended but you are ignoring the wider context.

@tabbymack yes obviously that's racist. I've acknowledged that as have others? But that is not what this thread is about, what further discussion would you like to have? It's wrong, it's racist and I would never dream of saying it. And no putting cheeky in front of a racial slur doesn't make it okay but monkey isn't just a racial slur it is an animal known to be hyper, mischievous and playful aka cheeky. Hence cheeky monkey.

I'm mixed race, my kids are mixed. My grandmother was mixed. Somehow we all keep breeding with so many different colours on the scale that the family consists of every shade. We're fully aware of all the prejudice etc and get it from all kinds and yet cheeky monkey is , to us, a normal term of endearment. There a quite a few worse things I've been called I can tell you.

monkey isn't just a racial slur

But it is also used as a racial slur.

How would you react seeing someone call their young child a ‘cheeky bitch’. A bitch is just an animal, a female dog.