Just got told that I'm racist toward my own child

[jumpiin]

I was at the park with my son, not many people there just one other lady with her two kids. I smiled at her on the way in and she gave me a dirty look. Bit strange but just ignored it. I was playing and we were having a great time, we were laughing and I called him a cheeky monkey affectionately. This lady storms over to me and tells me not say that around her children (she was black for the record) she was very rude and stood right in my face. I asked her what the problem was and she gave me a big speech I can't exactly how she worded it as I'm fuming but she basically said, me calling my own baby a cheeky monkey was racist because he's mixed, she also said that I was ignorant and that I needed to educate myself because I know nothing about my own child's race. She then told me that I'm "just another one of those girls who thinks a brown baby is an accessory". She then stormed off and I've come straight home as the afternoon was ruined and I'm still reeling! I assume she made these assumptions because I'm white, I've taken the time to learn about my DPs culture and DS is learning to speak English and Swahili and as for seeing him as an accessory that's just ridiculous, he is the most precious and important thing in my life. Aibu to think that she was in the wrong here and that she is a part of the problem? And to think that I can call my child whatever I want as long as there's no malice behind it?!

I think she shouldn’t have been the way she was with you, however it is a loaded term and nobody who is white with all the inherent privilege that this comes with can dictate to a POC how they can be offended by something that we as a white person ‘don’t mean in a bad way’. You are a non-racist who was using a loaded and racist word (no matter whether it had anything to do with behaviour or appearance) and it’s wise not to
Do so in public in my opinion.

She gave you a dirty look when you smiled at her, which is rude in itself.
It sounds like she thrives on confrontation.
Honestly take no notice. Shes an idiot.

@conciseandnice I wasn't saying that she couldn't be offended but I get offended by things in public a lot and don't approach a person and act aggressively toward them, that's a problem no matter your race

No one was trying to do that

No, I know. And, to be clear, I am not claiming that anyone on this thread is racist or anything like that.

But isn’t that the logical conclusion to the clear fact that it would be racist to call an adult a monkey but not a child?

There’s not really any logical pathway that justifies that other than the bizarre notion that the smaller the human the lesser the racism.

FWIW, I always called my son and his friend “cheeky monkeys” when they were small..including the two who were black. There was never an issue but imagine if their parent/s had been racially abused with that word and then has to listen to me using the same word for their child?

It’s a conversation we ought to be having...that’s my only point.

Oh my god what a total joke! My little girl is mixed Kenyan and white and she is also learning Swahili! I have never encountered this and can't believe this kind of behaviour exists.

She clearly has a deep rooted issue maybe with mixed children of white mothers. I would be absolutely fuming also but do not take on board anything she has said simply ignore!

Silly silly nasty women!

But I do wonder what we should do now we can't say "banana" in public any more. What should we call them?

Bananas will probably be banned altogether and we'll all have to eat CURRY for every meal. It's PC GONE MAD. First the brown people came for our women, then our jobs, and then our bananas. When will it STOP?

Dickybow321-I call BS. No doubt a made up story...

There are number of posts like this. I can only assume the people making them do not live in a mutli ethnic area.

I do and have a story. You can believe ot or not but here goes.

I was once walking with a friend, a blonde, near a university. We were discussing history and an exhibition she had seen recently at an industrial museum and she said rather loudly and enthusiastically something like

'...but those people at Peterloo could not have understood what was ...'

Some female Pakistani heritage students were walking past and for some reason only they know, they thought she was referring to them. They turned on us saying 'what do you mean "those people", you racist bitch, eff off'. We tried to explain but they had convinced themselves that she meant them. They then started shouting racist abuse at us .

My point is that these kind of tensions, on the ground so to speak , happen more than some of you might think.

I'm not white. My children aren't white. I've been on the receiving end of many a racist insult, including those using the term monkey. I would take care never to refer someone else's child as a monkey, unless I knew the parent well enough to know how it would be received.

However, I call my own children cheeky monkeys all the time. All the time. That is absolutely my right. I wouldn't take any offence to someone else calling one of my children a cheeky monkey, if said affectionately about behaviour. I would take offence to any of my family being referred to as monkeys in pretty much any other way. (Although I have also compared one of my children's climbing ability to that of a monkey once!)

If someone had a go at me for calling my own child a cheeky monkey they would get an earful.

I don't like bananas, and I do like curry. How can I contribute to the cause?

How do you explain to your child that monkey is a term of endearment when said with a grin yet when the boy in the playground calls you the same with a grin then it is not a term of endearment?

You are creating an acceptance in your child - a message that says to accept that term whether affectionate or not.

Does that mean when I called my socially anxious kids, chicken, I was committing some sort of faux pas?
She was being completely ridiculous.

Woman

FFS will all the troll hunters FUCK OFF. If you dont believe the OP then hit the report button. The rest pf us are all fucking adults and can choose to believe the OP is telling the truth if we wish. This is why I wish MN would ban the troll hunters with their sanctimonious i know better than everyone attitudes.

OP yanbu. Im mixed race and obviously so is dc as well. If anyone had said that to me, well I would have tore them a new arsehole. Stupid accusations like this undermine the real racism that I and other have endured. Most likely, as others have already said, she was the one with underlying racist attitudes with a white woman in a relationship with a black man.

Assume she is an unhappy woman with an axe to grind

And don’t let her upset you

Sometimes people want to hate people ITSWIM

.

I was subjected to awful racism as a child in the 1970's and 80's.

From adult West Indian women.

My mother was a blonde fair skinned white woman, and I was a blonde fair skinned white child. My stepfather was from Jamaica, so was a tall, slim, handsome black man. My mum and I were called white witches, white whores, white prostitutues, wife stealers (I was about 11yo).

I was also called a monkey by my full on white grandparents. Because, I liked to climb the trees in their garden. Which were about 50m high.

I am the mother of a bi-racial child too, his dad is African.

Yep. People will make judgements, and feel they can comment. Comes with the territory. I've been asked by a stranger if he was adopted.... (and if he was, none of your business either!).

Sorry you had to go through that OP.

How do you explain to your child that monkey is a term of endearment when said with a grin yet when the boy in the playground calls you the same with a grin then it is not a term of endearment?

Exactly.

Evening all,
Thanks to those who have reported the troll hunting on this thread. Those who didn't and instead expressed doubts on the thread, there has been no change to our guidelines - troll hunting is still very much against them.
If you have concerns about a poster, report in and we will take a look, please do not derail MNers' threads with your suspicions.

@hairycoo speaking total sense!

Thank you for all the support, it's interesting to hear people's opinions. Is your suggestion that I run my child's life around the racism he may face in the future and is already facing PP? Because that's a no from me. He will be continuously educated about his race and the prejudice he will face for it throughout his childhood as his father was when he moved here aged 3. It worked extremely well with him.

She behaved very rude towards you. You were playing with your child. it's none of her business.

How do you explain to your child that monkey is a term of endearment when said with a grin yet when the boy in the playground calls you the same with a grin then it is not a term of endearment?

How do you explain to your child that darling with a smile is a term of endearment but when used by a strange man with a smile, it is not?

@mirrivan I shouldn't have to. My Mum would always call me a cheeky monkey when I was a child and it brings back fond memories.