Just got told that I'm racist toward my own child

[jumpiin]

I was at the park with my son, not many people there just one other lady with her two kids. I smiled at her on the way in and she gave me a dirty look. Bit strange but just ignored it. I was playing and we were having a great time, we were laughing and I called him a cheeky monkey affectionately. This lady storms over to me and tells me not say that around her children (she was black for the record) she was very rude and stood right in my face. I asked her what the problem was and she gave me a big speech I can't exactly how she worded it as I'm fuming but she basically said, me calling my own baby a cheeky monkey was racist because he's mixed, she also said that I was ignorant and that I needed to educate myself because I know nothing about my own child's race. She then told me that I'm "just another one of those girls who thinks a brown baby is an accessory". She then stormed off and I've come straight home as the afternoon was ruined and I'm still reeling! I assume she made these assumptions because I'm white, I've taken the time to learn about my DPs culture and DS is learning to speak English and Swahili and as for seeing him as an accessory that's just ridiculous, he is the most precious and important thing in my life. Aibu to think that she was in the wrong here and that she is a part of the problem? And to think that I can call my child whatever I want as long as there's no malice behind it?!

I’ll admit that I didn’t know monkey was used as a racist term until I was an adult I’d only ever heard ‘cheeky monkey’ as an affectionate term.
I’m originally from a tiny rural village in Italy and grew up in liberal Brighton. I think until university I thought racism only happened in the past.

Things like this undermine the real raciest issues I have faced. The real racist problems that people face.

Excellent post!

@demokritic I agree!

Calling someone a cheeky monkey and calling them 'monkey face' or 'ape in heels' like Michelle Obama is absolutely NOT comparable and is frankly ludicrous to suggest so. Cheeky monkey just means a child is being mischievous, often like baby monkeys are!

A parent calling a child a cheeky monkey whether by a POC or white is not a big deal if said with good intention, and I can't see how this particular phrase would be used with bad intention. Change it to monkey and use it in an offensive way and yes you have a point, but this is just stupid.

Next you'll be saying you can't call him a cheeky boy either because he might not identify as a boy!

And it’s not down to you to choose what if offence, a child might not take offence when you but that isn’t to say when they get older they don’t cringe at their parents ignorance

Thankfully, I'm not raising uneducated fools.

She was looking for an excuse to come and rant at you.
I expect she has issues around black men being with white women.

This was my first thought too

Someone was being racist but it wasn't you.

TinklyLittleLaugh -Hmm, I'm white and live in a very white bit of the country: there were only a handful of mixed heritage or so kids at our primary. Even I know the term "monkey" is offensive to black people and I would never use it to describe someone black.

Are you suggesting that all black people would be offended by the term 'cheeky monkey' or even just 'monkey' (if used in an unoffensive way)? 'Black people' don't all think in the same way you know. 'Black people' are not some kind of hive mind

Seriously some people need to remove the fecking stick from their rectum.

Cheeky monkey is certainly not racist and is only used as a racist phrase by this with major chips on their shoulders.

My daughter has albinism I guess I should not call her snowflake!

In my opinion not racist. But nowadays people are too sensitive to words or anything that could be taken as racist. I was in the supermarket with one of my kids when they were a baby, i was chatting away to them, what i was getting etc and one of the things i said, was we need bananas, do you love bananas (which my kid did) and even tho this lady of a different ethnic background, could see i was talking to and looking at my baby, she was furious i had said the word banana in public. Its made me so nervous now of saying banana in public, in case anyone else takes offense.

Alpine No, but rather than hand someone a questionnaire to ascertain their particular stance on the matter, I would prefer to err on the side of politeness.

she was furious i had said the word banana in public.

The term cheeky monkey has its roots in behaviour, not race. Everything seems to be racist nowadays. I've given up worrying about things like that because however hard you try, someone will take offence even when the intention is clear as day.

I though the Baa Baa Black Sheep debacle from about 12-14 years ago was ridiculous, but at least that rhyme has its roots in the era where slavery was normal.

Bertrandrussell were you there? No you were not. Just cause something sounds different or unusual to you doesn't mean it didn't happen. If you have nothing constructive to say, keep quiet about other people's experiences. Thank you and good night.

She is being racist, ironic!

You say she gave you a dirty look when she first clapped eyes on you. She was just looking for something negative to say to you. And she found it.

Dear me. I often mooch through posts but don't often comment...unless something really flicks my switch.
I'm mixed race, my children are mixed race. I have been called a monkey when someone was being very offensive and I have taken it exactly as intended. I and my children have been called cheeky monkeys when it is not meant to be in any way offensive and I have taken it as intended.
I also call my children cheeky monkeys along with an array of other terms of endearment. I am fully aware of every racist term out there and have been subjected to most during my lifetime but honestly, cheeky monkey isn't one of them.

I'm sorry, I find it hard to believe the banana story. How could that be construed as racist???

I can see why a black/mixed black person would be offended by being called a monkey. Black people have been racially abused by being compared to/called animals (eg rat, monkey, ape etc) simply due to their natural features. So i can see why ‘monkey’ would def be racist

However ‘cheeky monkey’ is just a colloquial term that any child could be called. Especially if you personally grew up with your parents/grandparents calling you a ‘cheeky monkey’ as that just shows that it’s a normal phrase in your vocabulary with no racial malice. I think she completely overreacted

OP, do try to move forward and forget about this woman - it sounds like she was just projecting her negativity onto you. It seems like whatever action you could take, she would have a different rant ready and waiting. She was hostile and rude

P. S how can you take a pic of something that was said? Should we tape all our conversations with other people? I'm not getting drawn into an argument with people who have no respect for others experiences.

I think she was blatantly being racist to you as a member of a mixed race couple with a mixed race child. And was unnecessarily aggressive and unpleasant. If her intent was to change minds, accosting a lone woman in a playground is not the way to do it.

Wasn’t this an issue recently on social media, where a black/mixed boy was wearing a ‘cheeky monkey’ H&M sweatshirt?