Do your ILs have keys to your house?

[snowballsandsunshine]

Long standing disagreement with the ILs which keeps getting brought up every so often.

I will not give keys to our house to my ILs (or my parents for that matter, but they don't care I don't have keys to their houses either!). I actually wouldn't give anyone a key out of choice at all, but I have given one to my cousin (who lives round the corner and is like my sister) just in case we ever get locked out or have an emergency. I gave it to her because I know she'd never, ever use it unless I asked her to. The ILs don't know my cousin has a key, they'd get really offended and cause a huge fuss.

My ILs always had a key to DHs house before I lived with him, which he took off them to give to me when I moved in (years ago now). I think he meant to get another cut for them but I said I didn't want people having keys to my home and he never did. We then bought a house together and they asked for one, and I (nicely) said no and explained we weren't giving keys to anyone.

My ILs are not bad people, they wouldn't be in my house stealing or anything like that. I'm just extremely private and I absolutely hate the thought that they could let themselves in. They wouldn't to do anything bad, but I wouldn't put it past them to do it if for example FIL wanted to borrow something out of DHs shed/toolbox and I wasn't here. Or - MIL being nice would let herself in when she knows I'm not here and do my housework because I'm pregnant and can't manage it with a toddler (not true, I am pregnant but I'm absolutely fine,
I'm in good health!). I can't bear the thought of someone folding my huge pregnancy pants or actually seeing my messy kitchen when I'm having a lazy day ha ha ha!

Anyway, it keeps getting mentioned. I stand firm and say no, DH does say 'Snow says no' but does try to get round me in private because he doesn't see an issue.

AIBU?

YANBU esp if you think they won't respect your privacy

My parents have keys to our house and I have keys to theirs
This is for convenience and they are only occasionally needed

Errr nope not any more they don't. Both of our parents used to have a key just incase one of the kids forgot theirs or whatever.

My ILs took it on themselves to let themselves in whenever they felt like it. Usually 8am on a Sunday when we were all enjoying a lazy morning in bed. Then expected breakfast. Can't be doing with it.

My parents have one as they help with picking up the older kids and the eldest is an absolute dope for leaving her key at home. They don't let themselves in unless planned ahead.

god, most of you'd be horrified at our house!

MIL picks DS2 up from school most days and they go back to ours, so has a good reason to be there then, but manys the time i'd pop home from work at lunch to find her sat on our sofa watching Loose Women eating her lunch! She's always over doing odd jobs for us that she's found - Monday when i got home she was creosoting the fence!

i think she likes a break from her own house and FIL to be honest, and to be able to watch what she wants on the telly.

initially i had a big problem with it, but they do so much for us it's a pretty small price to pay in reality.

she can be a bit judgey, but we just ignore it.

my DPs have a key as well, but they'd only use it if we asked them to do something specific.

As mentioned before, if you get burgled and you've given 6-7 keys out you might have an insurance problem. Although it might be ok if every single person can lay their hands on your key immediately to prove it hasn't gone walkies. I never give a key to cleaners, not because I don't trust them personally, but because They can get called away at short notice or just do a disappearing act. I also wouldn't have a key safe because you will just get asked for the code over and over. Two of my immediate neighbours do have our key and they can always locate it if we need it, but no one else. We have a key holding service but it's bloody expensive to call them out so we avoid it if possible.

I had the same with my ILs.
I did not want to have to live my life keeping my house to the level of tidiness and cleanliness that my MIL would expect. I knew that they would let themselves in, have a nosy, and then judge me (not DH) for the state the house was in.
So I said to DH they could have a key as long as it was made clear that they were not to let themselves in uninvited.
For whatever reason, DH was not prepared to have that conversation so they never got a key. MIL would bring it up regularly but I just changed the subject and over the years she gave up asking.

No. In-laws live 180 miles one way and my parents live 200 miles the other. In-laws have form for being interfering, or at least trying to interfere (not with us as DH put his foot down in his teens). My parents have a key because they arrive mid Friday when they come for a visit a few times a year and I want them to be able to have a cuppa. Also if we die in a plane crash we thought one set should have keys.

Our friends a mile away have a key, and we have theirs, for mutual pet feeding.

Dear god, no. Neither of our sets of parents have a key to our house and we don’t have one to theirs. I can’t see a reason why either of us would need one? I could only see it if our parents were older and needed care (they aren’t) and then it would make sense for US to have THEIR key in case they fell and we needed to get to them in an emergency.

Both of our parents have stayed overnight with our dc at our house, on occasion for a weekend and we didn’t even give them a key then! They weren’t going out and we don’t lock the door at night around here anyway as where we live is very rural.

No, no-one has a key to our house except myself and my DH, obviously my DD will when she gets old enough to need one. My in-laws are not around anymore, and my DF has never asked for one. I have a key to my DF's house as he and DM when she was alive felt the need to give us one, but have only used it when DF invited me to stay there when visiting him whilst he was staying in the nearby hospital and I live 200 miles away from them. If I lock myself out and DH is away then I will have to break in, but that is preferable to having others wander in at will (even if I know that they probably wouldn't).

No! Only me and DH and our DC have keys.

What we do have, which is a great idea for emergency lock outs etc, is a combination key locker bolted to the back of our garden shed. It contains a back door key and our kids know the combination (combination can be changed easily). Easy enough then to give the combination to anyone you want to enter the house if the need arises.

Yes. Both our mums do because they help out with childcare.

Why not just tell them why and cite the parcel incident?

You don't have to fall out.

Just "i'm a very private person and wouldn't be comfortable knowing that other people have access to my house. I appreciate you are trying to be helpful, but it made me very uncomfortable when FIL opened all of my parcels and i don't want to end up having a falling out with you because of differing opinions on privacy."

To answer the other question....

My parents have keys to our house and are welcome to come in any time they want. But that is because they never take advantage / nose about or do anything inappropriate and we all have a very healthy relationship.

FIL does not have a key as (apart form not being well enough to drive / get to us under his own steam) he does not have the boundaries.