Do your ILs have keys to your house?

[snowballsandsunshine]

Long standing disagreement with the ILs which keeps getting brought up every so often.

I will not give keys to our house to my ILs (or my parents for that matter, but they don't care I don't have keys to their houses either!). I actually wouldn't give anyone a key out of choice at all, but I have given one to my cousin (who lives round the corner and is like my sister) just in case we ever get locked out or have an emergency. I gave it to her because I know she'd never, ever use it unless I asked her to. The ILs don't know my cousin has a key, they'd get really offended and cause a huge fuss.

My ILs always had a key to DHs house before I lived with him, which he took off them to give to me when I moved in (years ago now). I think he meant to get another cut for them but I said I didn't want people having keys to my home and he never did. We then bought a house together and they asked for one, and I (nicely) said no and explained we weren't giving keys to anyone.

My ILs are not bad people, they wouldn't be in my house stealing or anything like that. I'm just extremely private and I absolutely hate the thought that they could let themselves in. They wouldn't to do anything bad, but I wouldn't put it past them to do it if for example FIL wanted to borrow something out of DHs shed/toolbox and I wasn't here. Or - MIL being nice would let herself in when she knows I'm not here and do my housework because I'm pregnant and can't manage it with a toddler (not true, I am pregnant but I'm absolutely fine,
I'm in good health!). I can't bear the thought of someone folding my huge pregnancy pants or actually seeing my messy kitchen when I'm having a lazy day ha ha ha!

Anyway, it keeps getting mentioned. I stand firm and say no, DH does say 'Snow says no' but does try to get round me in private because he doesn't see an issue.

AIBU?

YANBU. If they mention it yet again, do a breezy laugh and a 'Good heavens, are we still discussing this? Everyone knows the answer!' then change the subject.

Your DH needs to stop saying 'Snow says no' and just say 'no' for himself, and he also needs to stop trying to get round you in private. Just tell him 'I'm not talking about this any more' and change the subject/walk away.

They obviously plan on letting themselves in whenever they feel like it, if they keep pushing for a key.

I don't understand their 'what if we need to get in' comments. Why would they need to get in when you aren't there? I don't understand why your DH is also trying to talk you round. Do you think they are hassling him separately?

Can I give them a key? I'd love it if the housework fairies dropped in while I was out.

Hell no..
But that might be because my MIL is a nasty, arrogant, controlling, criticising bitch.

My parents do, my dad in particular was super helpful when we were renovating, even when we were at work and as he's retired has waited in for tradesmen etc for us, mum has popped round to feed the cat when we've been away etc. Our strimmer broke last week and my dad loaned us his at the weekend, let himself in and put the strimmer in the garden before we knew he was there, although we were expecting him. They wouldn't randomly come round and rifle through our stuff, that's a weird notion to have. Inlaws don't have one as they live two hours away, although i would have no issue in them having one at all.

Why are they so desperate for a key? Seems weird.
My mum has a key but mil doesn't, purely because my mum drives and mil doesn't and we needed a key holder for emergencies / alarm system monitoring.

Yep -God the whole bloody village ahs a set

Neigbours on both sides.
Parents
PILs
SIL
BIL

... and two friends have them ...

You could always get a key safe to keep your spare key in. Then there is absolutely no argument about whether they need to be let in. If there was ever an emergency, you can give them the code to the safe, then immediately change it afterwards.

Every man and his dog has keys to our house but then none of them are likely to breach our boundaries.
If I thought they would, as you know yours do, then no way.

Both sets of parents have keys to our house. However, none of them would ever just come and let themselves in like that, so I don't have a problem with that. If they were inclined to do that, they wouldn't have keys.

Ooh you could give them a key. Just any old key, not a key to your house though.

My fil has one as he picks up dd from school 3 X pwk.

My mum has one as she picks dd up once a week.

I doubt either of them have any interest whatsoever in being in our home when we're not there.

I have zero qualms about it.

My SIL does and my parents. None of them would ever consider opening parcels or post though, I wouldn't give a key to someone who would think that was normal!

Fuck that. My mum has one as a) she looks after DS sometimes and b) would never overstep any boundaries, when she isn’t looking after DS she rings the doorbell. PILs just walk in if the door is unlocked which I feel uncomfortable about although I will admit that I cannot stand FIL which probably colours my feelings. They live hundreds of miles away anyway so no need for a key.

My mother does but she rarely uses it, it's just for emergencies really if we're away and the alarm goes off or something like that. My DHs mother is dead and his dad doesn't drive and lives a 45min drive away so he doesn't have a key

AintNobody what a brilliant , brilliant solution

I’m with you. Family are welcome to visit at mutually convenient, prearranged times. Not when they feel like it, or if we are out. So no need to give out keys. A friend in our village does have a key, in case I ever lock myself out, but I know that she would never use it herself.

I wish my Inlaws would come round and clean my house! Having read this thread I'm starting to think my family are weird, last time I went to my parents I knocked as my keys were at the bottom of my bag, response on door being opened was 'oh have you lost your key', I have one, DH has one brother and SIL have them and I absolutely go round when I'm nearby and if no one is home I'll go and see the dog, use the loo and be on my merry way, maybe because it's the house I grew up in. I also have brother and SIL keys but wouldn't go in without them asking me to.

My parents do even now they've moved away. ILs live hundreds of miles away so never have (thank fuck, MIL is the judgiest cow I have ever met).

But even so, I have come home to find them waiting in their car for me as they "didn't like to let themselves in" without me knowing, even though we'd arranged to meet at mine.

Absolutely no way.

And their insistence is very suspicious.

I’d have been spitting tacks about FIL opening your post too. What a massive invasion! And a handy insight into their lack of boundaries.

Keep saying no and tell DH it’s not happening and to back you up.

My ex-MIL has one.

She always had one when I was with her son but I took it off when we split and I had 2 of my neighbours with a set each.
But for almost the last 3 years since we split she’s had a key (new house and no neighbours I trust yet). Also if it helps she sometimes on a Friday picks my girl up from school and take them for food or bring them home and feed them. Holidays she also sometimes need to help.

But if ever she needs to pop into my house for something or to drop off something she’ll call me or text and say that she needs to drop her shoppings bags off at the house before collecting the girls. She has never let herself in on her own unless with DDs and I know she won’t ever give it to EXH even when I went away for a week last year.

No!!! Your house. Your keys, your privacy. The fact that they keep asking is also an annoyance, why are they not taking no for an answer?
My mother borrowed a spare keys when she was babysitting and had several copies made without telling me. She used to let family members stay in our house when we were away. She used to complain about me not giving her enough notice of our holidays, it was only after this I realised why. I only found out when my sister let me in on the "joke" at a family funeral many years later that they'd stayed there and they all thought it was amazingly funny that I didn't know a thing about it. I was absolutely furious. My sister actually moved stuff around to "freak you out ha ha". Horrendous.
No keys!!

I don't have keys to any of my kids' houses. Why would I? I only go round to visit them, and if they aren't there then I don't want to be either.

If they need me there when they aren't (to take a delivery or something), then they give me a key for that occasion, and I pop it back through the letterbox when I'm done. They all live with either a friend or a partner though, so there are two people who have keys if one gets lost, so why would I need to hold one?

No chance!
We lent them a key once whilst we went away so they could come in and feed the fish and the plants and they lost it.
And they would let themselves in - that's just not happening!

Definitely not. My neighbour has a key to ours and vice versa. It's more because we mind each others pet if one us is away more than anything else.