Should adult children pay ‘rent’ if living with parents?

[Twist89]

When I got a full time job and was living at home I was expected to give my parents money towards bills. Not a huge amount, and way less than I now spend in private renting.

But I’ve come across people who say their parents never made them do that, and others who say they don’t make their 20+ year old children pay anything. Some of these have kids living with them earning around £25k and they still pay nothing.

I find this quite shocking - AIBU?

My son's 40! Will he ever leave home? But yes, it's good to have someone there to look after the dog and cats when we're on holiday

Why not? What's the benefit of paying through the nose for a house share with complete strangers; if you can't afford a decent place by yourself, over sharing with your own family?

My plan is to take rent (15% of income) and secretly put it in savings for a deposit for mine.

I didn't get charged rent and life got hard quickly when I moved out and had to figure out budgeting by myself. I want to help my kids learn how to function, my parents spoilt me and sheltered me from a lot of life skills and it made for a difficult early adulthood.

I paid rent to my mum. Until the day my dad had a massive go at me for not paying rent (I was - but I was giving it to mum in cash) and it later emerged that when he’d lived with his parents after uni he never paid a penny!

After that mum told me I didn’t have to pay anything although I still paid for food shopping when she would let me and bought takeaways when we had them etc.

I'd charge rent but give it back upon their departure.

I wouldn't want them to get too accustomed to having 100% of their take-home income at their disposal.

I find the idea of charging rent and then giving it back as a deposit a bit patronising. Obviously, it depends on the child but if they had left university then they would be in their 20s so I would expect them to be able to sort out their own budgeting and wouldn't get involved.

I never paid rent to my parents and I'm good at budgeting. There are other ways to learn.

In fact, my parents paid my rent until I was 27 and I got my first proper permanent job. At that point, they gave me the deposit to buy a small flat. I would never charge rent to my child unless I was desperate for help.

I don't think I could ever take money off my own daughter, I'd like to think that parents are there to help their children financially, not the other way around.

I wouldn't expect student children to pay anything, but if adult children are earning a good wage then, yes, absolutely. They're eating the food and using the home's utilities so it seems only fair that they should pay.

I find the idea of charging rent and then giving it back as a deposit a bit patronising.

Perhaps, but I can live with it.

It depends on whether you need the money.
DS22 moved back home after uni. He is saving up and will probably move out in a year or two. He has offered to pay rent but I have said no. He pays for a car which he needs for work but otherwise spends very little.
I have no need of his money and wouldn't dream of charging him. He lived away from home for three years at uni and managed to budget on a shoestring so there is no need to teach him.

I have more of an “issue” (for want or a better word) with all these adults living at home and getting everything done for them, washing, meals etc. My adult DS is living at home as we live in London and he attends uni here so it was absolutely pointless for him to move out and pay rent (student accommodation here is around £1000 per month). He buys all his own food and cooks for himself (we eat at different times and like different foods) he pays half the utilities, does his own laundry and helps out with other chores. Why should I still be looking after him at his age? Especially as I have a full time stressful job.

Storm4star - but not everyone has a full time stressful job. Many parents of 25 year olds will be like me and retired, though if I was working I would expect an equal distribution of chores whatever age the DC.

Storm - Bit of an assumption there. DS16 has done his own washing since 13yrs and makes his own meals twice a day. He also help with general tasks round the house, washing up and vacuming. I'll never charge him rent but expect him to contribute to the running of the house.

I think I'd rather charge rent than make my 16 year old make his own meals, Demo. Does he eat on his own? . Or are you talking about cooking for the family?

In this situation my aim is to take rent off my kids but to put it in to a savings account for them. That way they will build up a deposit and be used to a budget that includes rent so win win

If our DS had stayed at home past 18, we would have charged him "rent", but secretly squirreled it away in a savings account for him - ideally to help towards a deposit later.

As it turned out he left home before it was needed ...

This used to be called paying board it's not a new thing. They should once working make a contribution to bills and food if that is what works for that family.

My mum said that she would take £300 rent and save half of it to give back to me when I moved out.
I moved out within a week (not because she would’ve charged rent lol) so never happened. I think it’s wrong to charge rent when they’re in uni though - unless you really can’t afford to have them stay with you .

Iamgrey - What's so traumatic about a 16yr old cooking his own meals? (first world problem?)
No we don't all eat together because we all get in at different times. He enjoys making what he likes.

We’ve had to move into my parents house temporarily whilst we move from our old house into the one we’re currently buying.

We’re not paying rent, parents won’t accept it. We are giving £200 a month towards food, for all four of us. I have offered more but they don’t want it.

Instead we’ve been treating them to meals out, got them a night in a hotel etc each month.

I paid my mum rent when I lived with her as an adult and was working.
If my adult, working DC wanted to live at home I would expect a contribution that was appropriate to their salary but still allowed them to save.

Of course I would expect my DS to contribute towards the household expenses, I don't understand people who wouldn't; if you don't need the money you can put it aside for the child's future, as others have said.

I personally think it is important for the child to understand that there are costs involved - and yes, I know people say that you don't need to contribute to understand household expenses, or that their child is saving their own money - but quite honestly I see lots of 'working' kids living with their parents, spending £££s on holidays, nights out, clothes etc etc and not saving and not giving their parents any contribution - I don't want my DS to end up like that.

I paid rent to my parents as soon as I was in employment (I'm 41 and twenty years ago I was paying £50 a week). My husband, when he lived at home didn't pay rent but for example the Sky account was in his name and when his parent's washing machine packed up, for example, he bought a new one. He'd help in the house, mow the lawns etc. We have children now and don't anticipate ever charging rent unless we're totally piss poor. That doesn't mean we'd allow ourselves to be taken for a ride but we'd like to think they'd have an attitude similar to my husband's when he lived at home.

Yes, of course it's a first world problem, Demo, and I didn't mean to sound so personal, sorry. Just sounded a bit sad, but I was imagining a different setup to you all just coming in at different times.