Should adult children pay ‘rent’ if living with parents?

[Twist89]

When I got a full time job and was living at home I was expected to give my parents money towards bills. Not a huge amount, and way less than I now spend in private renting.

But I’ve come across people who say their parents never made them do that, and others who say they don’t make their 20+ year old children pay anything. Some of these have kids living with them earning around £25k and they still pay nothing.

I find this quite shocking - AIBU?

No I wouldn’t charge. Or I would and put it in an account for when they bought a house.

I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

DC pays "rent" worked out as share of all bills, inc community charge, water, fuel, internet. He feels crap that he's not earning enough to live independently, paying his way gives him self respect.

80sMum So you are saying that because you son frittered his money away everyone else should assume that their children will do the same? Did the fact that your son didn't save while he lived with you make much difference? He lives independently and now can budget anyway.

My brother has always lived at home and never paid rent or for food or bills, for him it was a really bad thing because he got used to having absolutely loads of disposable income and never got used to saving or budgeting. I think if he'd had less disposable cash he'd have been more motivated to work harder in his career and also learned to budget. (My parents are well off and didn't need the rent he would pay so it wasn't an issue in that sense).

In this situation assuming I didn't need the money I'd still charge rent then put the money into an account for their future. Unless a had child that was very responsible with money and was saving independently for something.

I see it as a contribution to the household grown ups who are working full time imo should be contributing something I did it with Dc1 they have since moved into their own place having worked and saved up for a deposit. I found out a few years ago my sibling paid nothing I don't know why we weretreated unequally

Or I would and put it in an account for when they bought a house.

I'm still paying my mortgage, so their contributions go towards that!!

No point in having kids earning if you can't get your mortgage paid off quicker!!

My parents didn’t charge me rent/housekeeping, I moved out at 25... they liked having me there, and they didn’t need the money from me. I did however cost them a lot as I constantly had the heating on in my bedroom and had about 10 long showers a day (ok total exaggeration) . I guess it depends on circumstances and whether the parents need the money or not.

I think there's more to independence than paying rent.
I know several adults who paid nominal rent, while continuing to live as children having their parents cook, clean and generally wait on them.
Even once they have finally left home they still go back to their parents daily, Mum still cooks them dinner every Sunday, does their washing and ironing, provides free childcare. Dad fixes their cars, does home improvements, walks their dog.

I'd rather my kids paid no rent but lived with me as independant adults than paid rent but continued to live as dependant children.

You can't possibly judge this. Struggling family charges rent, we'll off charges rent..

Depends on the child.. Perhaps you don't need the rent but they need help with budgeting? So do it now before landlord comes knocking with bailiffs?
I would charge a small rent.. If I needed to or not and probably save it if I didn't need it for child's emergency or something

Very true notso but sometimes That situation is encouraged by a mum who has nothing else in life and enjoys doing stuff for adult children.

Surely every adult who is living in a house ought to contribute towards the running expenses? Why should the parents have to subsidise the adult children forever? Apart from which, the children need to be preparing for their own future, not just sitting there cost-free - what happens when the parents have passed away and the house needs to be sold?

For me it would completely depend on circumstances, but I would expect any adult children to contribute to bills and chores as long as they had a job (and weren't in full time education).

My parents expected me to contribute when I lived at home during the summer between uni years even though mental health issues meant getting a job was too difficult for me (so I had nothing to give them). However, my younger brother has lived at home ever since he left school at 17 and has never once been expected to help with bills or chores (I always had chores to do), even though he has had a job. I think my mum has finally realised that she hasn't helped him as he is now in debt and has just lost his girlfriend all because he's never had any responsibility (I'm deliberately not going into detail but in his case it is very obviously all linked).

It depends.

My parents didn't charge my younger brother when he moved home for a while to do his Masters. He had a respectable income from a company which paid him a salary while he did it.

I would rather my children used the money to save up for their own place. If I thought they weren't then I'd talk to them about that and perhaps change the rules.

We wouldn't notice the cost of having them. I don't blame people who earn less and need the contribution.

I lived at home until I was 25. I didn't have to pay anything until I started full time work after uni (other than buy the odd takeaway etc), but once I was in full time employment I paid 1/4 of my wages. That included all my meals bought and cooked by my mom (unless I wanted anything special) , all my laundry done etc.

I think paying some sort of rent is important. I think it's more about teaching them that when you're an adult stuff isn't free. I know a few people who have never charged their kids anything and paid for their car insurance and other things and it's backfired spectacularly. One family I know had their adult still living with them at 40 and she's like a spoilt teenager. Treats them like crap and they still do her laundry, pay for everything etc... she has no sense of responsibility, only of entitlement. I know a few people in their early 30's still living at home who have no savings, instead they splurge all their money on nights out and holidays. They aren't worried because their attitude is, that they'll get their parents money and house when they die - nice thought hey!?

So yeah, I would expect my child to pay towards their keep. They'd still be getting a. Good deal but not a free ride. Of course this excludes any issue like being unable to work because of bad heath etc...

I was never charged rent by my parents as I never lived at home as a full time working adult. DH was charged quite a lot by his parents as they didn't have much money.

DS came home after uni, spent a year temping and travelling and lived with us rent free. Then got a half decent job. He pays us £200 a month which probably covers food and bills. We don't need it but I think he should pay his share. He also does his laundry, cleans his room and bathroom and helps out with younger sibs. Happy to do other chores as requested. He's a good lad.

He saves £500 a month and still seems to have plenty to spend. We've talked about how he's not going to have this level of disposable income for many years, if ever, so should try to have something to show for it. That could be memories of great holidays or festivals/gigs or a nice car or a good chunk of savings. Don't just squander it on cool trainers and being in the pub every night.

He's moving out in the summer; I think he's got a bit too comfortable with us.

I wasn't charged rent for my parents during the year I lived in their house and it certainly didn't turn me into a dependent adult who can't budget. I did save a lot of money and I did eventually put it towards a house but that wasn't the purpose of not charging. They didn't charge because they didn't need the money. I will be the same with my children.

This may be seen as contentious, (not meant to be) but this thread does throw some light on how cocklodgers (and their female equivalent) come into being.

I went to live with parents when ex left me pregnant. I was charged rent but left after 6 months.

But then i was told that noone can afford houses now anyway so i dont think saving for a deposit entered their heads.

I look back anf think it was mean as they were pulling in lots whilst i had only maternity . I think my dad felt my benefits would cover it.

He also wants me to 'budget properly' i guess.

How old is to old to live at home? My son is 27, he pays £300 a month, he earns £25000. He is no problem, does his own washing, cooks and buys his own food(because he's fussy) I like him with us. Rent for a room where we live is £600 a month, a 2 bed semi is £1000 per month, so don't think it's over priced. It's just so frowned on, older children living at home

There is no "too old" as long as everyone is happy with the situation Lloyd45.

One of my almost middle aged siblings lives with elderly parent and it's a brilliant solution because they're there to help out, elderly parent lives independently and sibling has a home. They actually pay rent too, even though it would be fine if they didn't.

They're not interested in setting up their own home, and although they have a partner, neither is interested in moving in together as they are too different in their habits and expectations.

It works for all of us, so afaic there is no "too old".

Thanks idontcleanwindows. I get so many comments, your son should have left home by now, it's looked on as a failure as me as a mother and my son. He has a good job, he's there to look after pets when we go away, we help each other as a family

There is a widespread belief in our society that people only become adults once they move out of their parents' home. That adults who live at home are freeloaders and losers.

That doesn't seem to exist in Asian British society or indeed in many European countries.

Personally I really like having my son at home; he's a useful pair of hands, he gets to have a good lifestyle and save money and, well, I enjoy my son's company.

But I do actually feel quite pressured by society ( and I've had a few comments from friends about "independent successful adults") to encourage him to get his own place.

I was on YTS and earning £29.50 a week and my parents took 50% off me.

When my kids start work I’ll definitly ask them for a set amount each month, but I don’t think I’ll be as harsh as my parents were and take half