Should adult children pay ‘rent’ if living with parents?

[Twist89]

When I got a full time job and was living at home I was expected to give my parents money towards bills. Not a huge amount, and way less than I now spend in private renting.

But I’ve come across people who say their parents never made them do that, and others who say they don’t make their 20+ year old children pay anything. Some of these have kids living with them earning around £25k and they still pay nothing.

I find this quite shocking - AIBU?

I dont think it matters if parents can afford it or not. Allowing adults to become freeloaders wont be good for them on the whole. Probably helps to create cocklodgers and gold diggers. Not always of course.

As a parent, if I don't need the money, I won't ask for it. I'd rather my son save his money for a deposit and experiences such as holidays etc. I just don't want to see him wasting his money, if I do then I'll have something to say.

Think it's less about making money off your kids and more about teaching them the cost of living. A 25k disposable income is really like earning 50k and paying bills/mortgage/rent etc. What happens when they leave home and find that the lifestyle they've become accustomed to isn't achievable on 25k?

I'd charge a decent whack in digs money and quietly deposit it into a savings account for when they do leave.

notacooldad if he's just completed an apprenticeship I'm guessing he has a proper 'trade', so the various jobs he carries out for the family probably save you more money than he could ever pay in rent. A fair exchange as far as I can see.

Unfortunately it's quite a niche apprentshp he completed so we are aren't going to get any plumbing done or fuse boxes changed! He works away a lot but as I said a couple of times what he has done and does for us out weighs not paying out 50 quid a week or whatever.

This thread was supposed to be about do you charge board or not. I would expect yes or no answers followed by your reasons why and every reason would be valid. However at times some of the comments about other people's ways have been quite personal. A few people picked up on the wage my lad currently gets despite me saying several times it was in context to the OP's first post. I said last night that my view was each family should do what works for them. It turns out a loot of people are experts on how other people should live. Everyone's a critic eh?

I understand some families need the support but when some poster rather superiorly claims they would feel a failure as a parent if they didn't take money in other words those that don't aren't and their child is a freeloader then it is personal especially as you have been name checked in the post is just being nasty and there was no need for it. Nobody has a clue what has gone on in our lives, that's why it should be each to their own.

Some one else said that if you don't charge they have no incentive to move out. Again I'm calling bullshit. DS was all set to move out and was looking forward to moving into his new house in last November . At the very last minute his girlfriend finished the relationship. It's taken him a lot of support to get over it as it was a 7 year relationship starting when they were in year 10 at school. He doesn't want to live with us for ever and was looking forward to next phase in his life. So I object to the freeloader for life comments.

We get 'rent' from DD1 when she is working. We use this to supplement savings so we have something to support her when it's time to move out.

I'm proud of my kids & the fact that they pay their way, even upping the amount voluntarily if they get a pay raise.

I compare them to my friends kids who don't contribute anything but expect everything & I'm very glad I haven't raised such self centred individuals.

I'm sure you get lots of views, but for me I'd want my kids to be living independent of me at that age. If they really can't then if help them out. But I'd charge rent as I wouldn't want them to be with me 'to save money's/ because they can't afford a nice place of their own/ because they don't want shared accommodation with strangers etc etc. Frankly all of the above should be normal as part of growing up (being skint, crap lodgings, sharing with strangers)

My parents charged me £250 a month about 10 years ago when I was still living with them. They didn’t ask my sister for a contribution when she was in the same situation years later.

My friends do the charging rent thing and then handing it back over as a deposit, they also have a rule that kids have to move out by the time they are 28 years old.

One their kids, has a £50K city job, has tried to move back home after the revelation that they would be much better off paying minimal rent to parents and renting out the property they had bought!!!! Parents gave them a big fat no on returning home.

I don't think kids feel the same need to move out - as parents we are so much more liberal with our kids - they don't feel restricted in the same way we did.

Yes they absolutely should. Not market rates, because what’s the point of that? Adult children living at home is generally so they can save money and quickly, to move out. But certainly contribute. They’re adults and would behave as such even if they do live in their family home.

I don't plan to charge DS rent if I can afford not to. But on the understanding that he saves for a house deposit instead. I do not own my own home and likely won't for a long time and it's shit. I don't want DS to be in that situation as buying a house nowadays is so much harder than it used to be.

I was charged rent, I didn't mind paying as it was for DS1 (a baby) and I, and was cheaper than paying rent somewhere.

I'll be honest ( and are prepared to be flamed) the one time it did sting a bit was when I'd been there a few weeks, and finally got tax credits sorted - and got a small back payment- my Dad announced he was expecting to take a large portion of the back payment to cover a few months rent. Bearing in mind we'd lived with nothing for months when I was with ex ( I had holes in my clothes) it would have been nice if I could have treated myself and DS with that money. I obviously would have then paid rent with my earnings. My parents didn't really need the money ( lived in an 900k house etc) they just thought it would teach me. Stung a little I'll be honest!

My plan in the future would be to charge rent ( once they're working etc) then hopefully save it to give back as a deposit

I definitely wouldn't be doing his chores for him though. He will have to help out around the house and contribute to food shopping etc.

I would probably only charge for food but even then it would depend on what I could afford and on whether not charging meant they could save more quickly for a house deposit. That is arguably one of the best ways of getting them to live independently. I think all the stuff about teaching "life lessons" is bullshit and often just an excuse to be tight.

Of course they should contribute to the household if they are in a full-time job. I'm sure they eat the food, use energy, water, etc. I wouldn't dream of living with my parents and not contributing whether they needed the money or not. I paid my parents board as soon as I started working and certainly didn't begrudge it - probably part of the reason I'm a very independent adult.

YABU. If people can afford to have their adult kids live with them without needing a contribution, then that is their business. Who are you to judge?

My parents didn't really need the money ( lived in an 900k house etc) they just thought it would teach me. Stung a little I'll be honest!

I don't blame you! I think that is the sort of thing children look back on and it makes them remember their parents unfavourably.

I'm with you dungeon. To be honest I think letting him save for a deposit himself will teach him better how to budget rather than me just taking it and saving it for him. He can learn to handle his own finances that way.

I know someone who still pays her children a very decent (think 100s of £ per month) at 24 and 28. They both live independently and have good jobs. 🤔

There was a feature on this in the Mail last week: www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5623057/Mums-CHARGE-children-thousands-just-live-home.html

Of course you should charge adult working children enough to cover the cost of their food and utilities.

Personally - if not in full time education I would definitely expect a contribution toward food and bills and would also expect to see evidence of saving for their own place which living with me would facilitate. There is no way they would be living at home for free on a full-time wage and spending all their earnings on shite.

But the kids are 6 and 10 so I have a while before theory turns to practice so who knows how I'll feel at the time!!

They should absolutely be charged money to live there. I was and it's not like it was a huge and unreasonable amount. Parents can't support their children forever, it's just not reasonable. When they're old enough they should get a job and contribute. I wish my brother would. He's 18 and a lazy so-and-so. He doesn't even do housework. Boy if my parents were as hard on him as they were on me, he'd be a better person!

I went home for a year after university so I could save some money. I paid the difference to household bills - my mum lost her single person council tax discount, and I meant extra food and heating etc. She wouldn’t have charged me if she could have afforded not to.

I had an allowance in my teens to learn budgeting, and had already had jobs and paid my own rent at university so I doubt my mum was concerned that I needed to learn it in my twenties. I did go to college with people who had no idea, though - their parents would order them an online shop to their accommodation so they were never without the essentials.

When DS lived with DH and me for a couple of years after university, we didn't charge him anything, assuming that he would be saving. Unfortunately, he saved hardly anything in that time and frittered most of his money away on going out, clothes and other stuff.

With hindsight, I wish that we had charged him rent, even if only to set it aside for him as savings.

He soon realised, once he started paying the rent on the room that he moved into, that if he could afford that, he could have afforded to save the same amount every month that he had lived with us. At £450 a month, he would have left home with savings of £11,000+. It was a bit of a wake up call for him and he changed his attitude to money from that moment onwards.

So, basically what I am trying to say is that parents definitely should charge rent, even if they don't actually need the income themselves. If they're feeling generous, they can give it all back later.

When I moved home in my mid 20's post a nasty breakup my Dad didnt charge me any rent ( Had previously rented my own flat) - i did take him out for lots of meals, pay for shopping etc. Looking back, at the same time i doubled my income and suddenly had a huge disposable income and no budgeting to do. I think that definately aided me being crap with cash. I'm pretty sure that when my children are adults, if they do live at home i'l charge rent but will put it away in an account to give to them for a deposit etc simply so they learn that you can't blow all your income on flash cars and nice clothes!!