Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to look after other people’s children

86 replies

WhatIsGoingOnNow · 23/04/2018 18:46

I have 1 DC and Om ok with that.
Today a DCs mum said she was running late and could I pick up my DCs friend and sibling in nursery. She didn’t actually come until tea time so I just gave them something out of the freezer.
Now I don’t mind one but can’t deal with both.
I have issues with noise and get quite anxious generally.
The siblings were bickering constantly and LO kept going to the toilet every 10 mins. Both kids refused to wash hands when they came in and neither flushed the toilet after including no 2s.
The playroom was a mess with what looked like literally everything had been pulled out of the shelves and out of boxes.
My DC has some prized cars and the younger one had pulled off the tyres and chewed them. My DC was so distraught.

As I was out when the mum called I didn’t have time to hide some of the toys such as things he has built out of Lego as he likes to keep them and play with them.

I had a conversation with my DH the other day and I told him that I don’t mind looking after someone else’s child for a few hours and certainly not under a certain age if they can’t wipe their own bottoms) but I can’t deal with them staying over. He said I was BU. Was I?

Secondly am being U if I tell her next time I can take only one if she’s running late?

Don’t flame me.......

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatIsGoingOnNow · 23/04/2018 18:47

*Im ok with that

OP posts:
nuttynutjob · 23/04/2018 18:48

Just say no next time

DaisysStew · 23/04/2018 18:50

I’ve got one DC and I love him to bits... couldn’t pay me to look after anyone else’s.

Smeddum · 23/04/2018 18:51

No, I don’t want to be a babysitter either. Unless it’s children I know well and I’ve offered or there’s an actual reason a close friend needs it. But never in the circumstances you describe, she took the piss spectacularly. I’d have been fit to be tied by the time she got there!

DaisysStew · 23/04/2018 18:51

Posted too soon, just say no or make an excuse - got an appointment after, grandparents visiting etc.

Goandplay · 23/04/2018 18:52

You sound like you’ve had a very stressful day.

That was quite some time for her to have left the children with you.

I don’t would have a stock reply ready for next time.

You are not being unreasonable. Your DC can have a friend round, similar age to them to play and you don’t want sleepovers. Sound fine to me.

Thebluedog · 23/04/2018 18:54

As others have said, just say no... as long as you’re comfortable, if you need a favour then chances are you’ll have to sort yourself out. I’m the same as you, I simply don’t like other people’s kids. I’ll help out if it’s a real emergency but I have been known to say no. But I always make sure I can sort my own kids so I never feel obliged to help.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/04/2018 18:55

I think if you have issues with noise and anxiety, just say no and don't put yourself In that situation.

I wouldn't mind looking after a couple of dc in the situation you describe, but I have 2 dc so I'm used to mess and noise! Also depends if the mum is a friend or just a random school mum.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/04/2018 18:55

Just say no next time.

PinkCalluna · 23/04/2018 18:55

It’s fine to say no.

I generally say yes to requests to help (if I can) because it’s a friendly thing to do and it’s nice to have a few favours in the bank in case of emergency.

However children that can't behave appropriately or parents that don’t pick up at agreed times I would politely decline.

Original poster
WhatIsGoingOnNow · 23/04/2018 18:58

The thing is I have asked her on occasion to pick up my son if I’m running late but it literally means looking after him for half an hour.
My son knows not to leave the toilet unflushed and to always wash hands.
Our DC have gone to each other’s houses for a play date but has always been prearranged.
I think I have the issue with the younger one because he is small and doesn’t really know me.
The bathroom is filthy it’s full of poo and balls of paper

OP posts:
Chathamhouserules · 23/04/2018 18:58

It's kind to help people but if you can't cope you'll have to say no. I'm a bit selfish and love being asked to help because it means I can ask them back if I'm ever in desperate need of help! And I'm fortunate not to suffer anxiety.

HumptyD93 · 23/04/2018 19:00

"just running late" I would assume would mean like 10 mins?? not until after tea time.

just say no.

BarbarianMum · 23/04/2018 19:02

You can either trade favours or not. Offering to pick up one of hers but not the other is not much of a favour. So maybe say no and don't ask her again. Or just deal with it.

Dangerousmonkey · 23/04/2018 19:04

If you're ok with leaving her in the lurch then it's not a massive stretch for her to turn the tables.
Get your DH to sort next time you are late as you obviously don't want to owe in future.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/04/2018 19:05

It sounds rubbish. But is it something you need to ensure your ds is picked up by this mother when running late? Did you tell her you struggled and the little one was uncomfortable? Perhaps say it was a bit too much for them.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 23/04/2018 19:05

I wouldn't let someone who doesn't wash their hands after the toilet in my house!
And if they are children, they should have washed them when you asked, as you're the adult and they're in your home.
Also, running late and didn't show til after tea time, thats ridiculous.

Smeddum · 23/04/2018 19:05

How long did you have them OP?

Lellikelly26 · 23/04/2018 19:06

It’s always worse when someone imposes their children on you as well. This lady done that in two ways 1. By phoning op at the last minute and 2. By turning up after tea to pick them up. It’s bad for the kids because they end up being resented. My SIL used to do this to me all the time, I hate it

PinkCalluna · 23/04/2018 19:06

If you don’t want to take her kids you have to stop asking her to take yours.

She may find him annoying in different ways after all.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 23/04/2018 19:09

Ha, well if your DH is so chilled about it he can look after them all next time...

SoyDora · 23/04/2018 19:10

It’s entirely up to you whether you help or not, ywnbu to say no.
I’m predominantly a SAHM (work freelance from home) and a lot of my friends work full time so I’m often asked to do favours (nursery picks ups etc). I (generally) don’t mind as it means I know I’m always ‘owed’ a favour should I need it. It is tough when they’re younger though. I once had my friends 4 year old and 15 month old and the younger one was difficult.

BaronessBomburst · 23/04/2018 19:10

I want to know why your DH thinks you're being unreasonable, and how often he looks after other people's young children........?

SoyDora · 23/04/2018 19:10

(I have a 4 and 2 year old myself)

SeaCabbage · 23/04/2018 19:12

You are not unreasonable - you just have different feelings to your husband. Fine. We all like different things.

I would think most people wouldn't enjoy what you had to put up with.

Do practise saying no for next time Smile.