To not want to look after other people’s children

[WhatIsGoingOnNow]

I have 1 DC and Om ok with that.
Today a DCs mum said she was running late and could I pick up my DCs friend and sibling in nursery. She didn’t actually come until tea time so I just gave them something out of the freezer.
Now I don’t mind one but can’t deal with both.
I have issues with noise and get quite anxious generally.
The siblings were bickering constantly and LO kept going to the toilet every 10 mins. Both kids refused to wash hands when they came in and neither flushed the toilet after including no 2s.
The playroom was a mess with what looked like literally everything had been pulled out of the shelves and out of boxes.
My DC has some prized cars and the younger one had pulled off the tyres and chewed them. My DC was so distraught.

As I was out when the mum called I didn’t have time to hide some of the toys such as things he has built out of Lego as he likes to keep them and play with them.

I had a conversation with my DH the other day and I told him that I don’t mind looking after someone else’s child for a few hours and certainly not under a certain age if they can’t wipe their own bottoms) but I can’t deal with them staying over. He said I was BU. Was I?

Secondly am being U if I tell her next time I can take only one if she’s running late?

Don’t flame me.......

Honestly? I’d be honest with her that you’re not used to managing two and find it harder because you’re used to the age you have.

My friend suffers anxiety and while I have her two occasionally and she only has my one- I don’t mind in the slightest, my youngest is at an irritating age (2) and I struggle with him 😂 so I wouldn’t put that on her when hers are 5 and older and both wonderful and able to manage their own care. To me, that’s the difference, a young one requires a LOT more attention and sorting.

I’d also be honest and tell her what happened today and how much it affected your anxiety- because surely as a friend she would get that?
The friend I mentioned, I met in sept last year, our kids are in the same class. I’ve probably done more childcare help than she has for me but I feel like it’s an equal friendship and she would be happy to take on board if I found on of hers hard work

Next time do set boundaries of time, and in future beware the child that is told to tell you that they are OK to come to yours after school....I had one of the late pickers up's child regularly announce she was coming to tea. I quickly found out where Grandma lived and dropped her there when not convenient to me.

If you're willing to forego the occasional favour when you're unable to get there on time and she has your DC, YANBU to say no. However it does sound like you benefit from the arrangement. How long did you have them for?

It's neither here nor there how tour DC Is trained to behave when he goes to their house really.

If you said you could only have one child, she'd have to find somebody else to have the other. If she had someone else she could call to take the other, she wouldn't have needed to ask you in the first place. So yes, you would be unreasonable in that situation.

It sounds like she took the piss this time, with expecting you to feed her children and not picking them up until quite a bit later, so if I were you, I'd say no to both next time. But expect her not to want to help you in the future.

And, you're the adult, you make them flush the loo and wash their hands.

Nursery age? Do you mean 2 or 3 years old? I think it’s pretty normal for this age child to need some help remembering to flush the toilet or wash their hands, and they might not do a great job wiping. That’s not really disgusting. That’s just a young child. I have changed the nappies and wiped the bottoms of my friends’ children when they were younger and I was looking after them, because they were too young to manage themselves.

Of course you don’t have to say yes. But if you say no (and saying yes to only one of them is really saying no) then you shouldn’t really be asking her for favours when you don’t want to reciprocate.

How many times has she picked up your child? To this one favour she's asked you?

You don't have to like looking after her children but then you can't expect this lady to keep picking up your child.

If you have asked her several times then perhaps she thought she was justified you picking up hers for once.

And no you can just pick up one child - how does that help the other mum?

On toilet side. You go upstairs, supervise and make sure they wash hands - not roctet science.

I have my friends 2 year old fairly often, I always supervise on the toilet and make sure she washes her hands (as I do with my own 2 year old). Sensible at that age!

Child is 4 not 2

Same applies really... my 4 year old can take herself to the toilet and knows to flush and wash her hands but not all can. I’d still supervise.