how do i handle this family feud?

[shanefolan29]

I am in my late 20s, my parents always raised us to get along and we have quite a strong family unit with very supportive parents. However after an incident with my sister[which I cannot explain here as it is much too personal and much too complicated but believe me it is very bad] I have decided my sister is dead to me as her actions were unforgivable. I never confronted her over what she did as it is too awkward a situation but just gave her silent treatment for months with one word answers until I eventually confessed all to my parents who had sussed something was up at Halloween when I was home visiting. [I am from Glasgow but live in Cornwall] who were both horrified and in denial about what i told them.

They tried to say i had interpreted it all wrong[despite hard evidence I was right] when i have a feeling my mum knew i was telling the truth and knew it already but my dad certainly did not. In reality they just did not want to hear what i was saying as it was way too damaging to deal with and it is rather unfixable really. I told them my sister was dead to me as were her kids because I did not want any more association with her and I did not want any more interaction with them before l left. Due to this fight I am very unwilling to be around the family home anymore as my sister also poisoned other family members against me and my sister and her kids are always visiting as they live nearby. One night my mum even rang me and my sister was in the background and she tried to include my sister in the convo and I sent her a strongly worded text after telling her never to do that again. Now, my mum rang me yesterday and said my brother is getting married in august and she wants me home for it.

I really don't want to go back. I know my parents would have told my sister what i said and try a mediation and really i can't face her or i don't want to have to chat to her if she tries to make excuses [lies] for what she did as it is too much of a horrible thing to talk about and frankly i don't want to even hear what she has to say as I despise her and think she is poison. I am just thinking of ringing sick to the wedding, what should i do? And please do not say maybe i have misunderstood the situation as I know for certain my sister did what she did and there was no misunderstanding.

I jumped to same conclusion as DontDribble that the accusation was something as vile as child abuse / paedophile and the idea that her siblings could even have a shadow of a doubt about OP’s ability to do it has caused a wedge between her and those siblings.

If I play that scenario to OP, then I don’t she’s being a drama queen and frankly I’d not be able to stand in same room as anyone who would falsely accuse me of anything so horrific, never mind my own sister.

In OPs defence, someone being “dead to them” is fairly common in Glasgow. I don’t like it personally, but it isn’t an uncommon phrase

Is that Glasgow, Canada?

Because it's not something I could say I've come across in Glasgow, Scotland.

Victorian novels, where the beautiful, spoiled heiress gets into a delicate way at the hands of the poor yet honourable stablehand, yes. They're never done saying it there.

@ButchyRestingFace is there a Glasgow in Canada? I’ve heard it quite a lot, like I said I don’t like it (because too many people I love have actually died so I’m a bit sensitive about the phrase) but it is used a lot from what I’ve heard.

I guess what I mean is people are jumping on the terminology without considering the pain behind the statement iyswim?

Did you actually read the thread @PetulantPolecat ?

OP is a he and hasn't been accused of anything as horrific as child abuse. It is OP's intentions for doing something he did that have been called into question not his behaviour.

Sounds like a lot of drama over nothing. Go, or don’t, but how you expect people to give you suggestions when you won’t say what it is that she did, I don’t know. Have you maybe blown it out of proportion, taken your toys and left in a huff? Seems a bit dramatic to drop a bombshell on your poor parents and then go off to the other side of the UK. Why did you do that to them?

@ButchyRestingFace is there a Glasgow in Canada?

There's a New Glasgow in Nova Scotia, I believe.

It's not a particularly nice phrase, I grant you. But still probably politer than "Ah'll put the heid on ye", which I have heard often more than once.

In this case, I suspect people have maybe "jumped" on the terminology because they have otherwise so little to go on.

Yes thank you sweeney, how helpful and condescending of you. I missed that OP was a he, so I can only assume I accidentally skipped a page somewhere.

OP hasn’t said what his sister has accused him of, has he? Or did I miss that too?

@ButchyRestingFace I didn’t know that about New Glasgow!

Haha aye I’ve heard that one myself! There was a thread the other day where someone said in Glasgow if you’re called a cunt they like you but if they call you pal they’re about to punch you in the face which cracked me up laughing!

Aye I see that too to be fair.

OP hasn’t said what his sister has accused him of, has he? Or did I miss that too?

He pretty much has, yes. And ruled out what you suspected.

Sorry OP would love to help/advise but really don't feel in a position to unless you reveal what the rift is about. Otherwise it does all sound a bit drama llama.

So you are just going to carry this crazy anger around for the rest of your life? Just forgive and move on.

@ButchyRestingFace

intrigued what this means Ah'll put the heid on ye",

It means they’re about to headbutt you

Yeah bored now. Don't go to your DB's wedding you will just ruin it for everyone. You will be much happier wallowing in your self imposed Cornish exile.

intrigued what this means Ah'll put the heid on ye",

"Sticking the heid on someone" is also known as a "Glasgow kiss".

Which is an entirely different thing to a "Glasgow salad".

Ahahahaha I had a Glasgow salad for lunch!

omg now I am wondering what a Glasgow Salad is

I have heard Glasgow kiss before.

"Gonnae no' do that pal"...

Well that was five minutes I'll never get back. Hope you got the attention advice you were looking for OP

This all sounds mighty dramatic so you should probably stay away from the wedding for everyone's sake.

If you don't want to lose contact with the rest of your family I suggest you go to your brothers wedding (assuming he invites you) and just avoid your sister. I appreciate whatever she did which is so unforgivable to you but to cut off your parents and the rest of your siblings isolates you not them.

I also think not confronting her about it and discussing it openly will be very damaging to you in the long run. If you are not bothered about keeping in touch with your family then just ignore your mums request or tell her the truth that you do not ever intend to go to family events due to your anger with your sister. Pretending you are sick is a cowards way of dealing with things and unfair to your parents who you say have been supportive.

My mum fell out with her family when I was 10 suddenly I had no aunts and uncles or cousins. None of it was my fault and probably equally complicated as your family. But dragging kids into something is just st wrong, you can still be there for your nieces or nephews who I I agine love you

If it's nothing illegal, nothing to do with rape or sexual assault, nothing sexual, and you did do it but your sister is just wrong about your motivations, it's very very hard to see why it's so unfixable and devastating that you'd create a feud through the generations over it.

Unless you're going to just tell us wtf it is, it's starting to sound like a whole lot of nothing.

@sweeneytoddsrazor it’s chips! Cos tatties are technically vegetables, hence salad.

@LadyFairfaxSake “How?”

it’s chips! Cos tatties are technically vegetables, hence salad.