AIBU for this to make me sad that he's had his head turned?

[Buttmonkey86]

I think or rather hope I'm being a bit silly. I don't want to bring it up with real life people.

My partner works in a creative environment for a large company. About six months ago he was part responsible for the hiring of a new woman.

I don't think for a second he would ever do anything about this, but he's never mentioned her since. Ever. He talks about some work people but not her. We have a mutual friend who has befriended this woman and says she's lovely, has fabulous style (important there) and is hilarious. She has also mentioned she's seen my partner looking at her a lot and trying to make her laugh. She said she's seen them have a couple of eye contact moments but the woman usually walks away quickly.

I've seen her once in person and she's very pretty. I didn't like the way I saw my partner watching her though, like he couldn't help himself. He didn't know I'd arrived to collect him early and I saw this through the windows.

AIBU to feel sad about this? Like I said, I don't think he'd do anything about her...I just feel down that he's had his head turned. In the five years we've been together this hasn't happened before

"he apparently walked into a pillar while looking at her"

Oh FFS

That's why I find it embarrassing. He used to be like that over me

he apparently walked into a pillar while looking at her

Your child being caught in the middle of any fallout is a big reason why I wouldn't sit back and watch this unfold.

OP, if you're waiting for something that is "bad enough" for you to cause a scene, what are you waiting for? Texts? Secret meetings?

How bad does it have to get?

What is there to do though? I'm not an ultimatum /pick me person

I won't be causing a scene full stop. But Im not going to kick him out if it's just looking

What's, if all it is is this eye contact etc, would you deem it bad enough?

This is becoming exasperating to read, sorry op

Well stop then. Nobody is forcing you to read it. I've said before I'm very grateful for the support of helpful posters and as a sounding board outlet

Agree wholeheartedly with you @Categoric .....very, very well said

I’ve delurked to reply here, but have been following this thread and feel overwhelming empathy for you Butt - horrible position to be put in, sending you a big hug.
Listen to Categoric - she’s talking a lot of sense x

OP - you can kick off/get angry/react at any point. You really set your own boundaries here.

You don't need anyone to give you permission to get angry.

Thanks Luisa

I have though, he knows if it was ever physical/hiding contact outside work, we're done. I don't know what more I could actively do

How do you know that he's not having an affair with her already?
As tough as it seems he obviously wants to

@DisappearingGirl wise words - not sure I’d mention the confirmation of feelings via mutual friend either - he really doesn’t need to know this
The whole situation would drive me insane - I think you’re being incredibly brave and rational Butt

It reads like you're scared he wouldn't choose you, if push came to shove.

If it was me I would tell my DH that I was fully aware of their mutual crush but I will not be made a fool of, (and they have been making a fool of you OP) so I would ask him to leave and mean it, let them get with it, if my husband was so entranced by a woman at work that he walked into a pillar, was taking pictures of her, having little tête-à-tête’s in full view of friends and colleagues and this is going on every working day (god knows what’s going on that you don’t see it hear about) I would be enraged, I just could not stand by and be so disrespected,he would be gone. I know your basically saying you have no control over what happens between them but you do have control over how you react to it, and I do agree with pp who say you are being quite passive in all of this, your partner probably thinks you are one of those cool wives or even worse someone who he can walk all over, and he is doing exactly that.

I sort of felt the same as DisappearingGirl for the last few days...I could genuinely see the benefits of being calm and letting this run it’s course, but actually, the more I read, the more convinced I became of the unwholesomeness of the office woman. I don’t like her. At all. Something doesn’t sit right.
Then I read Categoric’s posts and I felt compelled to respond.
I do hope all this works out Butt - I actually think it will - but I feel you need to be more ‘passive aggressive’ towards this woman in a thoroughly charming way

I agree with you, OP.
I should not have to fight for my OH's love - he should want to love me and no other woman.
I do think this would be a passing thing. The build up of anticipation is huge but there would be a huge anti climax if they proceeded and he destroyed his family.

What's, if all it is is this eye contact etc, would you deem it bad enough?

This thread is really you asking permission to get angry. You have our permission! But really, again - set your own boundaries, lovely OP.

Yes - you are lovely Butt - don’t forget that!

What's, that wasn't rhetorical ;) would you deem it bad énough in your relationship to end it?

Not sure where the fada came from

butt this thing with the heels and eyecontact-I wonder if they have had words of some sort and now it's a bit awkward-I'm just imagining how it would seem as an onlooker. Why wouldn't they just smile? Maybe that's what her guilt/sadness is about? Maybe he rebuffed her?

Not the vibe my friend got at all unfortunately, positive not angry eye contact