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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be angry now?

97 replies

feelinbloo · 13/05/2007 19:52

just over a week ago now, my best friends DH made a pass at me, which he got an immediatel and disgusted knock back, and i made the decision to tell my friend which i did the next morning. I felt that i just wouldnt be able to be the same around her and especially not him, and that it might be seen to him as an encouragement if i didnt. She took it well, told me things would be fine...and that was that. I heard from her about 4 days ago, saying she would come over to see me, then didnt and no calls or nothing. She is also on MSN all the time and doesnt message nor reply to mine. So i am angry now. I didnt do anything wrong, and felt horrible telling her, but i would have wanted her to do the same had it been the other way round. Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:40

that was his words paula, he said HE had been set up...if that was the case, what would he have been set up over? or was it just lies to be able to come out with the...well she knows i fancy you line. i just dont know.

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LoveMyGirls · 15/05/2007 21:42

I also had a friend who blanked me after she met a bloke - i know she had issues about trust etc I was busy being pregnant and she was busy with her new bloke we saw less of each other than we had done, we'd been mates a few yrs, my mum called her my shadow she was always round here, practically part of the family. Then a few months slipped by i felt a bit hurt she had dumped me for her new bloke and i thought well im probably not as much fun now i'm pregnant, can't drink or go out and talking about the baby etc (she didnt have any kids and i had 1 dd) I met up with her at a party when i was about 6mths pg we both were so chuffed to see each other and she promised to come round more often and was sorry she'd let our friendship suffer etc etc then |I had dd2 she didnt come round to meet her so i sent a pic text still nothing, after about 3 mths i went round to her house waited for ages then she finally answered the door we had a cuppa and chatted like we always had i thought we were back to normal a couple of days later i asked her to come round she txt back saying she couldn't be mates with me she had moved on with her life and didn't have time i's done nothing wrong, we'd both been busy i didnt think it was the end of our friendship, didnt see a need for it to be the end. VERY odd imo. Dd2 is 20mths now and i still have no idea why the friendship ended. Some people are just strange.

Sorry that was so long and was probably irelevant but i've typed it now.

lyrabelacqua · 15/05/2007 21:42

That's what makes me think she was setting you up, because you say she wasn't that drunk. if she was paralytic and passed out, fair enough but do people who seem pretty sober pass out like that then get up and creak the floorboards?

LoveMyGirls · 15/05/2007 21:43

Very strange you definately have nothing to feel bad over.

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:44

she was still typing words and looking for songs on youtube fine at 12am...thats why she went out to the car, or so i thought, she wanted to get a cd,it had to have come on within 5-10 minutes, this sudden drunkness

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 21:45

I would say it was fairly clear cut. She passed out...he saw his chance and went for it.

Don't give it too much thought. If she is so local, knock on her door when you know he will be out. Try and be calm and natural.

LoveMyGirls · 15/05/2007 21:46

Whats the worst that can happen if you pop round when he's out?

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:48

not much to be honest, it just feels like such a lot of time has passed now. I also cant be sure when he is there. he is self employed.

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LoveMyGirls · 15/05/2007 21:50

Even if he is there I'd still go round, you have nothing to be worried about you have done nothing wrong. You deserve an explaination.

lyrabelacqua · 15/05/2007 21:50

If he's there during the day sometimes, maybe it's him on MSN when you try messaging.

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:52

actually it could be i didnt think of that at all, maybe she doesnt even know i have been trying to get in touch. its playgroup tomorrow, i will see if she comes, she didnt last week, if not i will pop over.

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Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:55

thnaks for your help girls, all of you. I am going to go watch the double bill of family guys and two pints, and try to forget about it all for a while. I will let you know, if you want, what happens tomorrow xx

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LoveMyGirls · 15/05/2007 22:03

That would be good. good luck and stay calm.

GreebosWhiskers · 15/05/2007 22:04

feelinbloo I've been keeping an eye on this thread & don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said already but just wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow. I hope you get this sorted out but if you don't just remember that you did nothing wrong.

(FWIW I reckon it sounds more like YOU were being set up, whether to test your loyalty or for some more bizarre reason who knows . . .)

fireflyfairy2 · 15/05/2007 22:07

Feelinbloo, does your friend know you post on here?? If she does then she may come on, read & know who you are.

Then she will know just how bad you feel.

I hope things are sorted soon.

Original poster

feelinbloo · 16/05/2007 11:55

well girls, back from playgroup, she wasnt there (only stopped going since this all happened), and i didnt pop over the house in the end, as my wee one i spotty training and he had weed himself so i had to go get him changed. A bit of a cop out i guess, but i am nervous. I know i have nothing to be nervous about, but i just am, especially if he has made up a pack of lies. I might text her, just say i hope she is okay.

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OrmIrian · 16/05/2007 11:59

I wouldn't be angry with her. Imagine how mortified she is feeling. I can't imagine how I'd cope with that at all - good friend or not.

I'm sure you did the right thing and I can see you care about her, but I think you need to contact her or at least be more patient with her.

LoveMyGirls · 16/05/2007 12:04

what about a msg saying "hi, been missing you, get in touch as soon as you fancy meeting up for a cuppa you know where i am x"

Original poster

feelinbloo · 16/05/2007 12:44

I am NOT angry with her...NOT...i AM angry with the whole sitution and how its a no winner for me. I will send her a text and leave it at that i think. xx

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fireflyfairy2 · 16/05/2007 17:20

Aww feelinbloo.

Is there any way you can message her on your own forum? Maybe just answer a post by her??

Anyway, I think you have explored all paths now, i'd leave it up to her.

you know you didn't seduce her husband, let them battle it out between themselves

paulaplumpbottom · 16/05/2007 22:49

I'm sure she'll come around

helenhismadwife · 19/05/2007 08:44

Feelinbloo I know its late to post on here as its been a few days since the last post, but I hope you are ok.
FWIW my opinion is you did what a decent, loyal and good friend should do and I am sure it will be easier for you to live with than if you had not said anything.
It is possible your best friend had to make a choice between you and her dh and sadly it was always going to be the dh who would win, hold your head up high be glad you have a lovely dh who you can trust to not make passes at your mates and who stands by you when things are rough. Go out and make some new friends, from the sound of it you are a great friend to have

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