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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be angry now?

97 replies

feelinbloo · 13/05/2007 19:52

just over a week ago now, my best friends DH made a pass at me, which he got an immediatel and disgusted knock back, and i made the decision to tell my friend which i did the next morning. I felt that i just wouldnt be able to be the same around her and especially not him, and that it might be seen to him as an encouragement if i didnt. She took it well, told me things would be fine...and that was that. I heard from her about 4 days ago, saying she would come over to see me, then didnt and no calls or nothing. She is also on MSN all the time and doesnt message nor reply to mine. So i am angry now. I didnt do anything wrong, and felt horrible telling her, but i would have wanted her to do the same had it been the other way round. Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:22

anyone have any views on my account of what happeneds? theories? it just seems so odd to me, but then i am not used to having passes made at me.

OP posts:

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 21:22

He is a wanker and fancied a shag with you. End of story.

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 21:23

He has probably thought you were fanciable for a while, but the drink made him act on it.

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:24

thankyou madrose, you are right of course and i would never dream of telling her i am hurt myself etc just now or anything like that, i just am so confused and wanted to know for myself if i am being unreasonable for feelign the way i do, and i guess i am, i can live with that, it just helps to express it i guess.

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cylonbabe · 15/05/2007 21:25

FEELINBLOO, The messenger bringing bad news is always shot.

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 21:26

You are not unreasonable at all. He was being a tosser and has come between you and your friend. I am sure she will be friends again when she realised what he is like.

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:26

yeah i know cylonblue, it sucks though huh.

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RosaLuxembourg · 15/05/2007 21:27

I think you need to back right away from this bonkers couple. Reading your detailed account of the evening in question I wonder if she really passed out or whether they set the scenario up to test you in some way. Maybe she suspected you fancied her DH and was trying to 'prove' it. Her calmness when you told her could just be shock, but it could also be preknowledge. I would let well alone, don't tell anyone in RL what happened and wait and see what develops. There is something not quite right here.

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:27

i knew this would happen to a degree, i knew the risks when i told her and dont really have a right to complain, but i was put in a fucking awful position and did what i thought was best at the time. anyway i looked at it, it was no win.

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LoveMyGirls · 15/05/2007 21:27

Maybe she passed out and he thought what the hell i'll shag her mate cause he's a bloke and they don't think of consequences or loyalty when they're pissed and want a shag. He's a complete fucker for doing this. Hopefully she will realise what a good friend you are and you can support her.

Have you any mutual friends who can see whats going on?

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:29

thats just it, i dont have any other friends, i do have aquaintances but two of my other close friends moved way, one to germany, one to scotland. so noone whom could mediate as such or try to find out what is happening.

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paulaplumpbottom · 15/05/2007 21:29

CylonBabe isn't it? Not CylonBlue, people will think she is racist

lyrabelacqua · 15/05/2007 21:30

it sounds to me like you were set up, maybe your friend wanted to test you to see if you fancied her DH because she knew he fancied you.
It doesnt sound like she was really passed out on the bed, but maybe got up to listen to you two talking.
Maybe she's embarassed that she put you in this position and she's shutting you out because she doesn't want to deal with her own behaviour yet.
I do sympathise with you because you've done nothing wrong and it's maddening when someone is obviously ignoring you.
Not really sure what you should do next except try to give it a bit more time and then contact her again.

paulaplumpbottom · 15/05/2007 21:31

Maybe her husband said that you came on to him

LoveMyGirls · 15/05/2007 21:31

How long have you been friends with her for? Perhaps you could take this as an opportunity to make some other friends? I'm sure you probably don't feel like it but it's got to be worth the effort?

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:31

see thats what i just dont get, if he thought he was being set up which he clearly did...why then carry on with it. just seems bloody weird.

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Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:32

about 7 years now. I will probably beging to look for other friends now, i guess i just didnt really bother as i didnt feel the need.

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RosaLuxembourg · 15/05/2007 21:33

HE wasn't being set up perhaps - YOU were - by both of them.

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:33

excuse typos.

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LoveMyGirls · 15/05/2007 21:34

You said she seemed out for the count but then later not so sure if you heard the floorboards creaking? What made you think she was definately out for the count and why did he send you in to see? If i was out for the count i wouldn't expect my dp to send my friends up to have a look, is this usual?

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:34

thats a horrible thought rosa but a possibility as much as i dont want to think about that. Thats just it, i can think of a few scenarios, but no answers and probably wont get any now.

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 21:35

Set up? Why . Well, if you were, you passed with flying colours and they are not worth being friends with.

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:36

i said i swear i heard the floorboards creak, i did, what i wasnt sure was if it was the kids. He was concerned about her which is why he asked me to go up. she seemed out for the count as i called her name a few times and rubbed her arm, but there was no response.

OP posts:

paulaplumpbottom · 15/05/2007 21:38

The idea of being set up seems a bit far fetched

Original poster

feelinbloo · 15/05/2007 21:39

perhaps he did think he was being set up and that she would be more likely to respond to me, i dont know. I just thought theres no way she could have passed out that quickly and so didnt mind when he said go and have a look, thought she would still be a little awake as it was so sudden.

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