Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think you don't tell someone when they are making you dinner?

94 replies

Cathena · 20/04/2018 16:19

I am hosting a friend and her boyfriend for dinner tonight. I just messaged and asked her to be there for 7, and she has replied 'I need to shower and get ready so it will be 7:30-8ish'

Is it me, or if someone is cooking dinner for you, do you show up when they ask you too? I've got to plan what time to cook so 'ish' isn't going to work for me.

Me and DP also eat at 6 usually, so by 8 we will be starving. If she had mentioned sooner that she wouldn't' be there until 8 I wouldn't have agreed to cook!

WIBU to reply and say 'that's too late for us, do you want to grab something before you come and then we can just hang out and have a few drinks'?

OP posts:
PalePinkSwan · 20/04/2018 16:20

Yanbu, she’s being rude.

MissCherryCakeyBun · 20/04/2018 16:21

Totally reasonable....if she had been caught up at work or similar that's fine but telling you the time you cook dinner for Hmm

Sirzy · 20/04/2018 16:23

I think it would have helped all around if times had been sorted more than 3 hours before?

Pinga · 20/04/2018 16:23

Maybe by the time she has finished work and done what she needs to do she cant be there before 7 30? I would cook and serve it for 8. Or suggest you just meet for drinks and nibbles instead.

Mousefunky · 20/04/2018 16:23

If my friend gave me a time to be somewhere as last minute as you have and I had other stuff going on so knew I couldn’t make that time I would obviously say so? The alternative is her just rudely turning up late and you sitting around wondering wtf is happening. I think YABU.

abigailsnan · 20/04/2018 16:23

Does it not depend on when your friend gets home from work or has to settle down any children etc.

Daddystepdaddy · 20/04/2018 16:24

She is telling you she will be late. That is courteous behaviour.

MatildaTheCat · 20/04/2018 16:24

7 is quite early for hosting dinner. If she and he are working and need to get home and sorted then I get their point.

Can you have a snack at 5ish to tide you over? Seems a shame to spoil the evening when a couple of slices of toast would sort the problem. Surely you eat later sometimes? Then in future if inviting people for dinner specify it will be early if that’s what you prefer.

TwitterQueen1 · 20/04/2018 16:25

YANBU 8ish is way too late for me to eat too. And yes, it's very rude! you don't tell the host when you're arriving.... Definitely send the message.

AlonsoTigerHeart · 20/04/2018 16:25

You can't wait 30ish minutes?

PlatypusPie · 20/04/2018 16:26

Is 7 enough time for her to get home from work, shower and then travel to you ? Can’t you have a little something to keep you going if you would otherwise be chewing the furniture ?

Original poster
Cathena · 20/04/2018 16:26

Thanks for the replies.

She has no kids, finishes work at 5 same as me, will be home by half past.

I did try to pin a time down earlier in the week, but she said 'let me know on the day', hence telling her now. I texted her this morning at 10 and she only just got back to me.

She's come over at 7 before- I'm not sure why the urgency for a shower and 'get ready' today? Maybe the heat?

OP posts:
Scribblegirl · 20/04/2018 16:27

I'm torn. I don't think what you do usually of an evening should be a factor - having people over for dinner is a very different affair to a normal night and I don't think it's too much to ask that two adults hold off until 8 for dinner, you can always have something small to tide you over.

We host friends for dinner and go to theirs a lot, and usually ime the guest will message and say 'when do you want me this evening?' on the morning of dinner. Host will give a 'from' time - i.e. I need to get home and get things started so come over any time from 7?. Guest would be rude to ask to come earlier but can turn around and say 'ooh, sorry, 7 a bit tight for me to get there but could be there by 7.45, would that work?' and host says 'of course!' gives me more time to clear up the house

If you want to have dinner with your friends I think you do it for the lovely experience, 45 mins between friends so your guest isn't rushing isn't much to ask. But then we usually sit drinking and eating into the night because we're talking so much - we're not really ones for worrying about promptness!

EyeDrops · 20/04/2018 16:27

Sorry, I think YABU. As others have said, if hosting for dinner I'd have agreed times well beforehand! And I wouldn't dream of instructing someone what time to come. I might say "We usually eat around x time, what time can you get here?" and work out something mutually convenient.

7.30-8 is perfectly reasonable for dinner (I guess unless you have small children?) - have a snack earlier to tide you over if need be.

TryingToGetFired · 20/04/2018 16:28

I think that's fine - she's telling you she can't make 7pm. Why is 7pm so important?
A friend of mine asked if we could serve dinner before 9pm because she was always really hungry - I told her to eat something before she came or pig out on the nibbles and expect dinner to be late - as it always is! Grin

ThereIsIron · 20/04/2018 16:29

YANBU but surely you and DP could have a couple of Biscuit Biscuit to tide you over?

corcaithecat · 20/04/2018 16:30

I've got friends coming over tomorrow. I've told them 7 as that's when I plan to be ready by. I'm not waiting to eat until 8 as it's much too late for me as I normally eat about 5/6pm.
Just tell her it's too late and if she can't make it, you'll just do drinks instead. You're not a bloody hotel!

Elementtree · 20/04/2018 16:30

She's being a little bit rude and you are being a little up-tight.

EyeDrops · 20/04/2018 16:30

Having read your update (x-posted) I understand your frustration more! But still think 30 odd mins doesn't make much difference, it's not like you're already in the middle of preparing and it'll be ready too soon. Not worth stressing over IMO.

sonjadog · 20/04/2018 16:30

No, I don´t think you turn up at the time you are invited if you cannot actually physically be there for that time. From her message, it sounds to me like she is saying that by the time she gets in and has a shower, she will be there about half an hour later, i.e. she can't make it for seven, rather than she is just wanting to come at 7:30/8 just because.

I would think you were strange if you cancelled the dinner invitation because of this. If you are that hungry, can't you just have a sandwich at 6pm to tide you over?

BeyondThePage · 20/04/2018 16:32

Is this a "grown-up" dinner or a kids one - kids - yes needs to be early,

but "grown-up" dinner at 7? that is early. I'd only just be home from work.

I think her response is quite courteous - she didn't say "Are you mad? really? - 7pm for dinner - I'm in my 20s/30s/40s/etc.. not 12.." which would be my thought Blush

Original poster
Cathena · 20/04/2018 16:34

7pm isn't really important- it's just that her OH works early Saturday so they always leave between 9:30-10, so we tend to start early.

Sorry I seem to be accidentally drip feeding! Let me see if I can think of anything else relevant.

It's a causal dinner more than a dinner party, hence the slightly lax planning.

She suggested it and asked me to cook, has never hosted herself.

I may also be a bit irritated with her in general as she told me she couldn't have dairy, gluten or nightshades, then mentioned she was lunching on a cheese salad yesterday. When I questioned it she said 'I know I shouldn't but it's soooo hard'. I had bought a load of expensive free from so I am a bit Hmm

Maybe the cheese thing is making me more annoyed than I should be!

OP posts:
Nabootique · 20/04/2018 16:36

I don't think anyone can have nightshades, OP. Did you mean nitrates? Grin

YimminiYoudar · 20/04/2018 16:37

Eat yours at 7 and keep her plate warm in the oven?

Original poster
Cathena · 20/04/2018 16:38

@Nabootique is is a thing apparently! Tomatoes, peppers, potatoes... I had never heard of it either!

@Elementtree that is not a stretch tbf...I am more of a Monica than a Rachel Blush hence my questioning if I ABU

OP posts: