AIBU to think you don't tell someone when they are making you dinner?

[Cathena]

I am hosting a friend and her boyfriend for dinner tonight. I just messaged and asked her to be there for 7, and she has replied 'I need to shower and get ready so it will be 7:30-8ish'

Is it me, or if someone is cooking dinner for you, do you show up when they ask you too? I've got to plan what time to cook so 'ish' isn't going to work for me.

Me and DP also eat at 6 usually, so by 8 we will be starving. If she had mentioned sooner that she wouldn't' be there until 8 I wouldn't have agreed to cook!

WIBU to reply and say 'that's too late for us, do you want to grab something before you come and then we can just hang out and have a few drinks'?

Please invite me for dinner. I will come when asked, or apologise nicely in advance if timings are an issue. I have no special dietary requirements. I am very appreciative when people offer to cook for me. I will bring you some flowers and wine.

I hope your friend appreciates your efforts, and you do have a good evening.

I cannot get past the fact she invited herself then pushed you to cook as she is skint........that is not a friend!

I think she is being a bit unreasonable ( could she be waiting for boyfriend to get home?) however, it all started when you let her get away with her telling you that she'd arrange the time with you "on the day".. This implies to her that you were ok with it being a very flexible arrangement.. and she's just done what she said she would - which is arrange the time on the day. Isn't it inconvenient for you yourself to cancel?

Had you been clear about the time and the reason why in advance, then I think you'd have grounds to cancel or change the plans, but I think it would be awful to cancel it now, you've made your bed, have some toast beforehand and enjoy the evening as planned, but make sure you are clear in your invitations next time.

Depending on how much you care about her avoiding dairy - as it's obviously not an allergy she suffers from! - I'd check the ingredients in the chorizo. It often contains milk

@FreeMantle I don’t think so, her reaction when I suggested just doing drinks was very much ‘I want to do it!’. Lack of reciprocation I think is due to the fact that she has a room rental in someone’s house, so probably doesn’t really feel comfortable using someone’s else’s kitchen to host. Could be wrong- maybe she just wants my free food!!

@HolyMountain I think it sounds fancier because of the ingredients! Just salad and pasta! Hah!

@PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin I will also be serving everything on spades and vlogging it live

@Tummelthecat you are invited. I enjoy lilies and DP requests Malbec.

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff you may have a point on the boyfriend being the reason. I’ll check as I still don’t have a time

@mintyneb it’s the Sainsbury’s one- pretty much just garlic and spices! Although at this stage I think it’s fair to say I don’t give a rats ass.

Fair enough, think I'd be feeling the same as you!

Unfortunately my DD has a life threatening allergy to milk and dairy so have to take these things quite seriously!

@mintyneb my BIL is the same. I can get on board with genuine allergies of course, I just think if someone is cooking for you then you shouldn’t refuse something you can actually eat! Really limits the options.

I think that she's being a bit rude in dictating the time. I'd turn up when asked to if someone had offered to cook for me.

Totally agree with you. Hope it all works out this eve

Gosh -- when I read the FULL story she's being a pain

Suck it up tonight @Cathena and don't invite her for a meal again. Just go out or drinks and a take away

I thought ywbu till the whole nightshades, dairy thing. I cannot stand all this and only invite people to supper who are known to be "good eaters"! Do what seventh said and then never ask her again.

Just like to throw in my own offer to come and be a very grateful guest, OP .

Seriously, I'll have the whole menu (discreetly avoiding the walnuts as I hate them but when someone's cooked for you then you eat it and show appreciation, mumbling a 'walnuts aren't my favourite but the salad is absolutely delicious, I'm really enjoying it' if they notice you eating around them ). And I'll be very happy with the cheaper, tastier normal pesto, thanks!
(And I've got a couple of bottles of a really good S African Malbec I can bring.)

Seriously, though, enjoy your evening.

@seventh I have decided that is the best option. She has previous form with this- DP has been wary ever since she thanked him for cooking breakfast but added ‘I could taste the smoke in the bacon though, I’d rather plain next time’

@SomewhatDisgruntled I am very adverse to fruit in my salad, so I can fully accept a walnut avoidance. I would of course nod graciously and top up your wine if this occurred. Well, top it up with the wine you brought. Obv.

They are about 5 mins away and everything is ready to go. I am also a few glasses down! Thanks mumsnetters!

Guess it’s too late to ask for pictures of the food so we can judge/vote/drool 😉

‘I could taste the smoke in the bacon though, I’d rather plain next time’ I think I might know this person!

Not really but I know someone very similar..

Too late now, but those spices in the chorizo include nightshades (chilli, paprika).

Oops!

Completely depends on the friends. I'd expect a few of my friends to be late - sort of a given. I would schedule a meal for an hour after I expected friends to arrive to give wiggle room. Our meals with friends tend to be informal occasions with nice food and loads of booze.

@Cathena

Definitely never again! Smoke in the bloody bacon? She is a Princess Snowflake 🙄