Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think you don't tell someone when they are making you dinner?

94 replies

Cathena · 20/04/2018 16:19

I am hosting a friend and her boyfriend for dinner tonight. I just messaged and asked her to be there for 7, and she has replied 'I need to shower and get ready so it will be 7:30-8ish'

Is it me, or if someone is cooking dinner for you, do you show up when they ask you too? I've got to plan what time to cook so 'ish' isn't going to work for me.

Me and DP also eat at 6 usually, so by 8 we will be starving. If she had mentioned sooner that she wouldn't' be there until 8 I wouldn't have agreed to cook!

WIBU to reply and say 'that's too late for us, do you want to grab something before you come and then we can just hang out and have a few drinks'?

OP posts:
Karmin · 20/04/2018 16:39

Meet the Nightshade (Solanaceae) Family:
Tomatoes.
Tomatillos.
Eggplant.
Potatoes.
Goji Berries.
Tobacco.
Peppers (bell peppers, chili peppers, paprika, tamales, tomatillos, pimentos, cayenne, etc)

Nikephorus · 20/04/2018 16:39

Mix nightshade into her portion Grin
I think she's being unreasonable.

YimminiYoudar · 20/04/2018 16:40

Nightshades includes tomatoes, potatoes, eggplant, bell/chili peppers

Nabootique · 20/04/2018 16:40

Is it?! I assumed typo and was thinking of the poisonous nightshade. Will have to Google that. Anyway, YANBU in my opinion, especially as she suggested you cook.

TwitterQueen1 · 20/04/2018 16:42

Jeez! I wouldn't be cooking for her at all with all those restrictions! Tell her to bring a microwave meal that she can eat!

Original poster
Cathena · 20/04/2018 16:42

@Nikephorus I had purchased dairy free pesto but defo leaning towards the regular now...

I messaged suggesting we just have drinks and she is now messaging about how much she is looking forward to it and will try and get to us asap, so I feel a bit bad now. I will have a snack as suggested and wait it out! I'm sure I will survive!

Thanks for the replies!

OP posts:
PlatypusPie · 20/04/2018 16:43

The Deadly Nightshade is called that because it is , well, the bad boy of the group. The innocent tomatoes etc don’t like to get tarred with the same brush so tend to keep the family name a bit quiet, in common use.

Nabootique · 20/04/2018 16:43

Tell her to bring a microwave meal that she can eat!

At whatever time she likes!

Elementtree · 20/04/2018 16:44

I can't believe you are worried about time when she's pulling this shit...

I may also be a bit irritated with her in general as she told me she couldn't have dairy, gluten or nightshades, then mentioned she was lunching on a cheese salad yesterday. When I questioned it she said 'I know I shouldn't but it's soooo hard'.

I'd tell her that she is fine to come at whatever time she pleases because you've put aside a celery stick for her.

Original poster
Cathena · 20/04/2018 16:44

@TwitterQueen1 she has done that before with dessert, but then spent the whole time bemoaning how 'grim' it was.

Cooking a meal without gluten, dairy and tomatoes is legit impossible!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathena · 20/04/2018 16:46

@Elementtree I may have chosen to make a dairy heavy dessert and give her fruit for hers.... it defo wound me up!

She has always been a little 'high maintenance' shall we say but she is very nice! Just a bit highly strung! I imagine the heat has her panicking about being sweaty. I am choosing to let my uptight tendencies slide!

OP posts:
morningconstitutional2017 · 20/04/2018 16:46

Your attitude is entirely the right one, Cathena. Some people expect you to metaphorically wipe their bums for them, don't they? Cooking for them is one thing but being taking for granted isn't on. Stick to your guns and never offer again.

TryingToGetFired · 20/04/2018 16:50

Some people with autoimmune diseases find nightshades make their symptoms flare, same for dairy and wheat...it is a hard diet to stick to though and some people do cheat because they are human but here's the good bit - they get punished for it by suffering a painful flare....

Andylion · 20/04/2018 16:50

It's a causal dinner more than a dinner party, hence the slightly lax planning.

She suggested it and asked me to cook, has never hosted herself.

Don't be a pushover, OP. You should have told her what time you wanted her to arrive as soon as you agreed to her plans. When they leave tonight, say, "We'll have to do this again. Next time, at yours."

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 20/04/2018 16:51

I don't think anyone can have nightshades, OP. Did you mean nitrates?
Doesn't that just mean tomatoes, potatoes , peppers and related plants?

KTheGrey · 20/04/2018 16:52

So she has invited herself, told you she can't have foods which she scoffs down elsewhere and has previously whingled about "grim" provision, but doesn't ask you back? Hard work, isn't she? I'd make some of those friends who take turns hosting and like food.

InsomniacAnonymous · 20/04/2018 16:53

She's very rude and I agree 100% that you turn up for dinner whenever your host/hostess wants you to, no earlier and no later.
I'm taken aback by "Me and DP also eat at 6 usually" though, because I couldn't eat that early and nor could my DH. We're both retired too, so it's not a matter of getting home from work. Anytime between 7.30 and 9 pm suits us for dinner, depending how hungry we are. It's surprising how much variation there is on this.

TodayImThisName · 20/04/2018 16:53

If she is your friend surely you can just tell her that she will hav3 to hurry up and be at yours at, say, 7. I like to start evenings earlier rather than later.

MatildaTheCat · 20/04/2018 16:54

Blimey, it of a dripfeed about the dietary restrictions!

Out of interest, what the heck have you produced?

TomRavenscroft · 20/04/2018 16:55

It's really rude. Even if you agreed to only firm up plans on the day, you've given her hours to reply to you since this morning. The cynic in me says she's deliberately not responded until now to give you less wriggle room.

She sounds generally entitled, TBH.

Ilovetea33 · 20/04/2018 16:57

Parmesan free pesto sounds grim.

Nabootique · 20/04/2018 16:59

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet

Yes, as it turns out, but I'd not heard of it before. I'm now wiser than I was before this thread.

Appuskidu · 20/04/2018 16:59

She suggested it and asked me to cook, has never hosted herself

I don’t think anyone has ever invited themselves round my house before and asked me to cook-what’s more surprising though is that you agreed!

Why?! Why didn’t you tell her to get stuffed?!

Original poster
Cathena · 20/04/2018 16:59

@KTheGrey she is hard work...she tends to acknowledge this but after the fact, so if I push back in the moment it can cause a row!

@InsomniacAnonymous one half of a couple we see a lot grew up in Cyprus, so they never eat before 8! We always snack before seeing them! (they invite us over!)

@MatildaTheCat I am making a prawn balsamic walnut salad for starter, lentil pasta with dairy free pesto sauce, chorizo, basil, avocado and spring onions for main... and a big ass pavolva for dessert. I'm planning to give her fruit but she may have the pavlova...who knows...

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 20/04/2018 17:00

Yabu to eat dinner at 6 and to buy pre prepared free from stuff Grin