AIBU to think you don't tell someone when they are making you dinner?

[Cathena]

I am hosting a friend and her boyfriend for dinner tonight. I just messaged and asked her to be there for 7, and she has replied 'I need to shower and get ready so it will be 7:30-8ish'

Is it me, or if someone is cooking dinner for you, do you show up when they ask you too? I've got to plan what time to cook so 'ish' isn't going to work for me.

Me and DP also eat at 6 usually, so by 8 we will be starving. If she had mentioned sooner that she wouldn't' be there until 8 I wouldn't have agreed to cook!

WIBU to reply and say 'that's too late for us, do you want to grab something before you come and then we can just hang out and have a few drinks'?

A bit rude I agree but personally I would find it hard to get out much earlier than that on a Friday night. Especially if I wanted to make a real effort with my hair and makeup. Perhaps consider a Saturday next time.

@Appuskidu good question! It was delivered kind of 'we would love to see you, can we come to yours on Friday? I looove it when you cook but happy to go out if you would rather, although I am really poor atm'.

I would just like to add that I am a distinctly average cook, in case anyone gets any ideas.

I'm heading off now- to cook, I think! Thanks again everyone

Have some glasses of wine whilst cooking then you won't care if she's late or if she eats the pavlova

She sounds very high maintenance. I'd be tempted to give her dairy and nightshades the deadly kind

So you text her back -
well dinner will be on the table at 7 - so have a quick shower! face emoji for extra passive aggression

You could also tell her what type of wine to bring - as she sounds a bit of a CF to me!

Is she trying to get out of it? Might she feel a bit obliged to come to yours?
Sounds like stalling tactics ro me Why the no reciprocation do you think?

Gotta say it: she sounds like a lot of fun.

I am making a prawn balsamic walnut salad for starter, lentil pasta with dairy free pesto sauce, chorizo, basil, avocado and spring onions for main... and a big ass pavlova for dessert

Love that you call this casual, what do you do when you push the boast out?

*boat

Mmm that doesn't sound like a 'casual' dinner to me. Tell her it's cancelled, I'll have hers! She's a bit of a pita imho!

Enjoy your evening anyway!

That’s just bloody rude! Ask her why you can’t go to theirs?

I’d have said, when you were first arranging things, sorry-I’ll be knackered after work and won’t feel like cooking-we can share the cost of a takeaway or get together after dinner and just have drinks.

People don’t actually tend to take the piss with me though!

To be honest I don't think you're being unreasonable!

You tried to sort it earlier in the week, could've all been sorted but she wouldn't, said "let me know on the day" (recipe for problems).

Then she didn't reply to your text for ages, leaving you hanging about. Would have been annoying if you were trying to fit other things around it, or not sure what time to get home for.

I think if she'd texted and explained in a different way, e.g. - sorry, I didn't realise, I don't think I'll be ready until 7:30 but I'll try and get to yours as soon as I can - it would've felt very different than what she put, which sounds like she's bossing you about and sounds rude.

Having said that, it's just an hour, so I hope you can put it behind you and have a nice night.

I'd get there by 7pm OP your menu sounds delicious!

I think YABU. If it was vital to you that she came at 7 I'd have spelt that out weeks ago.

If she was invited for 7pm, then it is rude to say she can't make it at that time on the actual day. It's too short notice. If she can't get there at that time, then the time to tell you was when you invited her.

I suspect she thinks it's a more casual dinner than you do. I'd be inclined to go with this suggestion.
Eat yours at 7 and keep her plate warm in the oven?

PS. I hate people with 'random' can't eats. I'm actually allergic to celery, but there are lots of food I don't especially like. But I eat them, because someone went to the trouble of preparing and cooking them,.

Sympathies. Hope it goes well OP. On a similar topic, I've twice mentioned food for two separate suppers (catering for 40-60) I was organising and got two supposedly naice women saying "oh, if you're doing that I won't come". Since they were common dishes you'd find at a dinner party, I wondered if they told their hostesses what to cook. Neither naice lidy had allergies.

I agree with @flowersandlemonade

I've never been to a dinner party at 6pm. It seems quite early for grown ups to eat, except maybe elderly people, in my experience.

I've twice mentioned food for two separate suppers (catering for 40-60) I was organising and got two supposedly naice women saying "oh, if you're doing that I won't come".

How appallingly rude.

I think you're being a bit precious about the timing op. On the other hand, she sounds like a pain in the arse with her faddiness. If you really really do like her, I'd give up on cooking for her in future and either go out or have a takeaway!

On a weekend I agree with you, but I know I have had jobs where 7pm for dinner at a friends house is just impossible to achieve.

I do think it is normal to eat dinner with friends no earlier than 730, even if you do normally eat at 6.

However, all the other factors are v annoying!

This is a very millennial dinner party.

Pahahaha oh op i feel for you. Your friend reminds me of my cousin who is a very nice person but is obsessed with fads/trends. For instance, he told me he was now vegan but veganism includes eggs and fish in his mind ... oh and the odd corned beef pasty and sausage roll/sausage and mash. I may have gurned slightly. Give her a celery stick as previously suggested.