Childless women - who will look after you in old age?

[boatyface2]

If you are childless (by choice or not) or even if you have children, what's your view on this?

I've seen several threads from mums hating it and saying they wish they didn't have kids. Surely it's all good when you're young but who will look after you when you're old?

I wonder if that is why mums complain how much they hate it, yet go on to have a second and third child? And if old age wasn't a concern, why did you have children if you don't enjoy it?

I don't expect my children to look after me in my old age. They'll have there life's, careers, partners and children. But by the same token I'll look after my mum in her old age because I love her.

Swings and roundabouts.

Yes @Punta it is difficult knowing there will be no one to fight your corner if you were to become less capable. But there is no guarantee that any child one had would do that anyway.

@serendippitty yes true...I only lost my mum a few months ago, so it’s still pretty raw. I’m sure the anxiety will ease over time.

So sorry for your loss. I lost my mum just over a year ago

I have no intention of getting old
And in reality both my parents died before 65 so I’ll probably do the same

I would never want to be a burden on anyone least of all my child(ren)

Punta Yes exactly, its not necessarily the physical care lots of people get from adult children, but advocacy, help with paperwork and finances.

children don't look after their parents in old age they bung them in a home so what a the difference at least you're avoiding the heart ache of your children abandoning you

My child might not want to look after me in my old age! May not be nearby, be able to or worse...

Weird question to ask!

Also that assumes your child would be old enough to look after you. I was 15months old when my dad died so didn’t even understand

lovehak All my friends who have parents in home visit them, take them out, and advocate for them.

Worst reason in the world to have kids. I don’t have any, never tried t9 stop it, just didn’t happen and luckily I don’t care, but I certainly wouldn’t expect them to look after me in my dotage. I’m already a little peed off at my DP expecting me to travel 5 hours to see them when I work full time and they’re retired.

I wouldn't expect any child to look after me. I'll look after myself, as I am doing now.

Interesting that so many say (quite rightly) that they don't expect their children to care for them in old age ... but also interesting to see the many threads about older parents who do expect exactly that

I'm wondering about that mismatch and whether people change their expectations as they age - or is it perhaps that times have changed and it's purely down to smaller families to share the load, greater mobility, etc?

Interesting also that care homes seem to be thought of as a substitute for family care when in the real world they are used as a last resort - 61% of people who require round the clock care aged 85 or over are NOT in care homes. So lots of people seem to manage.

Echo2 Sat 21-Apr-18 07:05:02

"Uk culture is very different to many other cultures. From my experience, children here shove you in a home & visit once a month. If you’re lucky"

You mean other cultures where women are treated like drudges.

It used to be a bit more like that in the UK too. But as things have got more equal between men and women and more women have entered the workplace...............things change. What you should be asking is why men havent stepped up more to accomodate this change.

And maybe if Carers Allowance wasnt such a paltry amount (less than JSA) so hardly a replacement for a wage, more people would be willing to do it.........................oh wait then theres the benefit scrounger rhetoric they have to put up with when caring for an elderly disabled person. Just last night there was a "DLA faker joke" on HIGNFY. Look at the bigger picture ..........family carers are seen as scroungers and yet at the same time taken advantage of. Ive seen posts on here where a hospital has discharged an elderly/ill/disabled patient at 3am.....i suspect so the carer cant refuse despite the fact that carer may or may not have a job to juggle or other commitments.

No wonder many cant or wont do it.

Im childfree by choice too. I have a disabled DH who is 68 (23 years older than me) and my parents are 82.

I think it's a fair question: not necessarily actual physical care, but as others have said, someone younger, hopefully in good health, who loves you enough to visit you when you maybe can't get about easily, help you with anything you can't manage on your own? I don't have children, but my DP has three, we have three DGC, I have two nieces and several younger friends. I do hope to maintain loving relationships with all of them, and that some of them will care about me if I reach advanced old age. But of course I will also aim to maintain my own health, fitness and independence.

I'm planning to set aside money for a one way trip to Switzerland. No way am I putting my DDs through what Dsis and I have had to cope with in regard of my parents. Not happening.

Don't know what STBXH is going to be doing, that's his problem.
I love my DDs but they do not owe me anything - I chose to put them into this world, I do not expect them to care for me.

I find it bizarre when children who having loving relationships with their parents don't look after them. They pro ably don't love them as much as they a y thing ry do. But having children isn't a harun tee of a loving relationship. A lit of parents end up bring a burden on the state just the same as childless people.

I don't intend to live long enough for this to be an issue.

Uk culture is very different to many other cultures. From my experience, children here shove you in a home & visit once a month. If you’re lucky
Wow!
My brothers and sisters didn’t shove either of our parents in a home and visit once a month! Neither did this happen to my in laws. One of my sisters is unmarried and without children - should she become ill, wed all rally round to ensure she was well looked after. Our way of doing things is no different to my close friend - ‘abandoning’ family is not something I am familiar with.

I’m aware some cultures choose to live in one house as one extended family - but that has its chlostrophobic downside as well as the safety net of care for the elderly. It can be pretty limiting to people living their own life their way too.

Anyone who has children because they expect them to look after them in old age has no business having children.

This.

And people have the nerve to accuse people without children of being 'selfish'!

For anyone wanting to protect their children from potential awful dilemmas should the worst happen, sorting out living wills etc. is essential. We should all do it really: young, single and childfree as much as anyone else.