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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask WHY you chose to have a child?

166 replies

Octave777 · 19/04/2018 21:23

Not really aibu but I feel unreasonable that I should have to ask.

What was it that made you want to have kids?

Sorry short post but just wanted unfiltered opinions.

Thanks!

OP posts:

Jessikita · 20/04/2018 18:18

I just had the urge to be pregnant and have a child.

Echobelly · 20/04/2018 18:18

I just found the whole idea so interesting I think. I don't think I was nver very broody or maternal, I still don't think I'm good with babies and kids who aren't mine, but I did think it would be fascinating and lovely, and it has been.

shirleyschmidt1 · 20/04/2018 18:19

I always wanted them. I'm from a large, very close family and wanted that to continue. I also wanted the experience of mothering and loving babies of my own.

BuntyII · 20/04/2018 18:20

I always sort of wanted them because kids are cute and funny but when I was in my late 20s it became a very strong need. The day he was born genuinely was the best day of my life. I'll never forget hearing his cry for the first time. I feel the urge coming back and it scares me because rationally I know I shouldn't have another. But it's like a fever that addles your brain.

AdoraBell · 20/04/2018 18:21

My toxic mother died, so I would never have to answer questions like - why have they never met their grandmother?

grasspigeons · 20/04/2018 18:25

I love my family and wanted more family - my younger siblings/nieces were a joy to me, I have fun with the ones the same age, and my older relatives gave wise counsel and love and support(but they started to die off). I wanted that to keep on rolling basically.

darkriver198868 · 20/04/2018 18:29

Simply put I wanted them. Should I have waited for a good relationship? Yes. Should I have gotten on top of my mental health problems? Yes. I felt that clock ticking due to my physical health problems. I dont regret having my children but I should have had them at a different time.

PoorYorick · 20/04/2018 18:39

We had been very happily childfree for years and then the house started to feel empty, as if there should be another person there.

ButtMuncher · 20/04/2018 18:45

All throughout my 20s I definitely didn't want kids. Never broached the subject with my boyfriend. Hit 28 and was single, met my DH who had a little boy, started spending time being a family and boom - the urge was there.

Has been to date one of the hardest things I've ever done but my DS is literally my everything. I struggled to be a mum to start and I still struggle now but I adore the bones off him.

Not having another though. One is enough

amioverthinking · 20/04/2018 19:17

I chose to have children because I wanted to share my love. They in return have given me more then I could have ever asked for.

If I could I would have more children but unfortunately I can't- so I'm gna be grateful and enjoy the ones I have 😊

MadMags · 20/04/2018 19:21

You're not a "journalist" are you, OP?

Original poster

Octave777 · 20/04/2018 21:36

Not a journalist MadMags. Was interested to see how many have the hormonal urge or broodiness or how many people enjoy spending time with children.

I feel like I should want kids because what else is there to do apart from work ect! But I think Ive been around parents who love their kids and are great at parenting but do nothing but complain, with good reason, about the sleep deprivation and non stop noise ect. I think slowly but surely it's put me off before I had a chance to just go in blind or with the flow of broodiness!

OP posts:

LeighaJ · 20/04/2018 21:42

I met the right man, the only man I've ever wanted to have kids with. It seemed to spark a maternal urge I didn't know existed in me.

He use to tell me "I want your genes." "You're the perfect woman, I want to mix our genes together."

That might sound oddly clinical, but it's the way he said it and the way he looked into my eyes while saying it.

SerenDippitty · 20/04/2018 22:01

*I was programmed from birth to think my life wouldn't be complete without them.

The brain washing was lying - it was a mistake.*

@Morphene I think there is some truth in this - women are programmed and conditioned to believe that they will never be wholly or truly fulfilled unless they become mothers.

Twounder1 · 20/04/2018 22:04

I never wanted kids til I met dp.
My last boyfriend really abused me. He used to hit me, manipulate me and make me feel worthless.
I met dp online and we met up 5 days after in person.
He spotted me and gave me the warmest smile and the biggest hug and just from that day everything changed. I knew I was going to have kids with him etc.
It just felt right.

So 4 years later I'm 19 days post partum with our second baby

JustOneMan · 21/04/2018 02:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 21/04/2018 02:13

DH was broody and I was happy to go along.

When they’re being wee rotters (not often TBF, they’re great kids) I remind him they were his idea.

Graduate223 · 21/04/2018 06:08

He use to tell me "I want your genes." "You're the perfect woman, I want to mix our genes together."

neverquiteenough · 21/04/2018 06:16

I had always been aware of my maternal instinct and knew I wanted kids at some point.
My DC was completely unplanned and a complete surprise (contraception failure ). I was not in a stable relationship with the right man but not keeping my baby was never even a thought in my head.
It's been just the two of us from day one, can't imagine life any other way tbh.

namechange2222 · 21/04/2018 06:31

I'd never craved a child, but became qualified, bought the house and got married and children seemed the next step.
But then....this physical urge took over and, it's very very hard to put into words but wanting to produce a child with my husband who was part of both of us became the one most special and important thing in the world.
I really doubt I would have experienced an urge for a child without being with someone I cared for deeply

LokiBear · 21/04/2018 06:39

Biological urge. Currently fighting the stupid urge once again. I have two. Two is enough.

Groovee · 21/04/2018 06:42

Dd was a surprise and a huge shock but we were married. I wanted to have DS to give her a sibling. My siblings were born in a 4 year period and I arrived when they were teenagers.

TheVanguardSix · 21/04/2018 08:27

Broodiness on steroids!

LadyFlumpalot · 21/04/2018 08:30

OP - you say about the sleep deprivation and general noise and crap.

Yes, it is like that. Having my two is the hardest thing I've ever done but also the best.

I have no money anymore, I had to swap my fast as fuck prestige car for a little generic 1l run around with more than 2 seats. I cant go out and get rat arsed anymore, I'm tired ALL THE TIME, but it's worth it. All the shit and stress is obliterated when a pair of sleepy arms winds around your neck and a half asleep 4 year old whispers "I love you mama" and drifts off in your arms.

MasonJar · 21/04/2018 08:59

Good question. Are you Ricky Gervais OP ?
I thought he made a good point on his Netflix show. People often ask why he and his partner have decided not to have children, as if they need to justify this.
But the more important question, given current global situation, is why people choose to have children.
But somehow it's not seen as acceptable to ask that.

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