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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think mother of son’s classmate shouldn’t have grabbed him?

572 replies

MissOlivier · 19/04/2018 17:11

My son has shown some spiteful behaviour towards his class. He has ADHD and ASD. His behaviour is definitely getting harder to manage in a mainstream setting.

OP posts:
fascinated · 19/04/2018 21:39

Bigpharma - I don’t see why I should be the one to answer that. Whoever decided that inclusion was desirable should find a solution that allows everyone’s needs to be met. But I can’t make allowances for something I don’t even know exists or what form it takes and I find it hard to talk to my child about it. The school need to educate the kids properly about what is difficult for the children with SEN. As far as I can tell nothing is explained. That’s confusing and asking too much of the fellow pupils. If certain children or parents abuse that knowledge they need to be disciplined. And if that is all just too difficult then perhaps, again, we come back to the question of whether the policy is working or can work with current funding.

Bigpharmafemme · 19/04/2018 21:39

End of what?

End of problem? End of education for the child? End of discussion about why it happened and how to prevent it? End of? Seriously? What?

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 19/04/2018 21:40

You should tell that to someone busy. Do you need 10p for the phone call?

BarbarianMum · 19/04/2018 21:41

Autism can be a mitigating factor in some circumstances. It won't stop you serving a long prison sentence if you, to take one example, get really obsessed with terrorism, build a bomb and try and plant it on a train. Likewise, if you randomly assault people because them going about their daily lives upsets you, you will see the inside of a courtroom or secure hospital/residential unit. It's a disability not a "get out of jail free" card. Still the fact remains that people with asd tend to be on the receiving end of assaults/abuse/crime rather than the perpetrators.

BusyBeez99 · 19/04/2018 21:41

Special school to manage the child's behaviour. A child cannot attack another just because they have special needs and it be allowed to carry on. For the sake of both of the children involved

Sleepyblueocean · 19/04/2018 21:41

FluffyPineapple do you think children with autism are immune from victimisation and bullying?

BusyBeez99 · 19/04/2018 21:41

Have you still got phone boxes where you live?

Bigpharmafemme · 19/04/2018 21:43

Fascinated, I agree. If the school handles inclusion correctly then all the children can be made aware of what they need to know to get along. No one needs a full medical history but “Johnnie wears earphones because his ears are very very sensitive” or “Joanie has her dinner in a tube in her tummy because her body works sifferently to yours.”

“Or Judy finds it very hard to concentrate, what are some ways we can all help each other concentrate?” As infinitum. Expecting everyone to know psychically what to do helps no one.

immortalmarble · 19/04/2018 21:46

Yes, so many special school places available Hmm

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 19/04/2018 21:46

Have you still got phone boxes where you live?

They sure as shittin have them where you live.

Bigpharmafemme · 19/04/2018 21:46

Busybeez99 ahh I see. Like a sort of correctional facility? If they can’t behave like normal kids they can’t go to normal school???

What about support in the school they are already at, instead of upending their education?

BakedBeans47 · 19/04/2018 21:46

It seems it's even more difficult for the parents of children with autism to understand that other parents will not tolerate their children being victimized and bullied in school - a place where ALL children should be safe

Hmm how very helpful.

Newsflash - some of us have both NT children and children with SN so are perfectly capable of seeing both sides.

BakedBeans47 · 19/04/2018 21:48

I don't send my child to school to be attacked by a fellow pupil no matter what disability they may or may not have.

I don’t send my son to school to be called a retard by children who are “fortunate” enough for want of a better word to be NT but it still happens.

Coolaschmoola · 19/04/2018 21:49

Obviously OPs DS is not having his needs met, which is unacceptable.

The girl in class is also not having her needs met.

Both are unacceptable, but neither excuse the actions of thd girl's mum.

As a teacher I do feel that I need to mention that neither I, nor any of the teachers I know, would continue teaching a class with a pupil talking loudly over me. Not a chance!

Which makes me wonder if the OPs DS is trying to listen to the teacher in a 1-1 chat, whilst group work is ongoing.

BlueRoses28 · 19/04/2018 21:49

Busybeez99 ahh I see. Like a sort of correctional facility? If they can’t behave like normal kids they can’t go to normal school???

Sorry? Correctional facilities? How dare you compare SN schools to 'correctional facilities'. Do you honestly think parents would send their kids to these schools if they weren't the best option for their child? I would be terrified for my DSS if he was in a mainstream school.

Bigpharmafemme · 19/04/2018 21:50

Blueroses28 no of course I wasnt!!! Ffs I was taking the piss out of Busybeez99’s consistently bollocks posts.

hayli · 19/04/2018 22:03

dadshere
Grow up.* You're not a child to act like one by grabbing a child by the collar. You need to address these issues with NO physical contact to the child involved. Like a bloody adult.*

SoupDragon · 19/04/2018 22:03

If a child hit my child whether they had special needs or not I would be furious.

Of course you would. However, you should be furious at the school which let it happen.

Eliza9917 · 19/04/2018 22:21

@KT63

I shouted at the NT child who had waged a campaign of bullying against my autistic son (for 18 months) after he battered him. I’m now bound over to keep the peace for 2 years and he got fuck all

Did you get taken to court for shouting at a kid?

WTAF is this country becoming.

bonbonlavie · 19/04/2018 22:23

The argument has become very general.

At the end of the day a boy (with autism) is, by the sounds of it, victimising, harrassing, bullying (call it what you like) a fellow pupil and the mother has wrongly lost the rag. Both the boy and the mother are in the wrong. The girl may well be bit so far, having an annoying voice doesn't warrant what's happened to her.

If it were my daughter I think in the first instance of it happening I'd perhaps be more understanding given the circumstances but if it continued then no I don't think I'd be quite as understanding. Yes the boy should have support of some description and the school seems to be neglecting this duty of care to him and in turn to the girl he's harrassing.

MmeButtox · 19/04/2018 22:25

I went to school with a surprisingly large number of violent teenage boys. I and many other girls were repeatedly assaulted sexually and physically by these boys inside our classrooms. No one did anything about it. I have no idea why these boys behaved this way - perhaps they had medical reasons to explain this behaviour, but regardless, I and another schoolmate I'm in contact with still struggle with the psychological effects of being overpowered and assaulted on a regular basis with no authority figure bothering to intervene. Awful.

GingerIvy · 19/04/2018 22:25

I think perhaps OP's son is in the wrong school and needs specialist schooling

You are in no way in a position to make that determination.

Specialist school are sometimes no better than mainstream. Just like with anything, some are good, some are not.

FluffyPineapple · 19/04/2018 22:29

FluffyPineapple do you think children with autism are immune from victimisation and bullying

No. Do you think it's ok for NT children to be victims of victimisation and bullying?

Bigpharmafemme · 19/04/2018 22:30

Fucking he’ll fluffypineapple no one has suggested that!!! Why do you keep asking???

Mrspotter12 · 19/04/2018 22:31

Sorry not read the whole thread but two things spring to mind when scanning through:

  1. school cannot tell the girl or her parents what the OPs sons issues are nor that the daughter is a trigger. and
  2. a number of high school children will deliberately wind vulnerable pupils up to get a reaction from them. There is nothing a high school class loves more than one of the students kicking off and bringing the lesson to s halt.