AIBU to think mother of son’s classmate shouldn’t have grabbed him?

[MissOlivier]

My son has shown some spiteful behaviour towards his class. He has ADHD and ASD. His behaviour is definitely getting harder to manage in a mainstream setting.

Perhaps a solution just doesn't exist which is ideal for all

So it’s the disabled kids who should be cast out first then?

It’s an ongoing issue - LAs don’t want to find SEN and schools won’t fight LAs or worse are told bullshit misinformation about how SEN can be managed and funded. It is shameful.

Please can you point out where I've said that?

I was lucky enough to be teaching when our LEA funded SEN education properly. Too often now teachers are told to just get on with it. Not fair on anyone

I agree, it’s woefully underfunded. It’s funny how the sympathy inevitably lies with the NT children affected by the ND children not being supported properly though eh?

I'm sorry that happened to your ds KT63. I def found our police very helpful, after a few false starts.

@findingmyfeet12 you said there wasn’t a solution, so what happens next? Because on here it seems to be that if ND children weren’t in NT classrooms there wouldn’t be any issue.

This thread is a fine illustration why the numbers of Home educating families have ROCKETED.

Yep! If I hadn’t got my son the place in his new school we would be HEing right now.

pharmafemme

Fluffypineapple no one is saying that ANYONE should have to put up with violence. And if that’s what was happening then the children’s needs weren’t being met!

EXACTLY! The school are not .managing the behaviour of their pupils. Nobody should be terrified to go to school. Regardless of whether their bully has SN or not.

If school can't manage behaviour there is no hope for their pupils learning.

But it is always the bullied who moves school. There is ionly so much anyone can take!

I was responding to the post about describing the girl's mother as an "NT adult", ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo and KT63. She could have learning disabilities, for all we know.

KT63 indeed. But schools and parents are told the same story that SEN kids are a drain on resources and there isn’t the money to support them properly. The fact remains that there is a statutory duty for LAs to fund what is in the EHCP and if more parents and schools applied for them and pushed their legal rights, this wouldn’t happen. The councils might go bust but frankly that’s not our problem, they can pass that back to Whitehall.

@BarbarianMum I’m glad you got the support you deserved and needed (if a little late).

I’m very angry that we were failed and driven out of our home. Despite disablist bullying and assault being a hate crime in law, in practice it’s a very different ball game.

I don't have the answers KT63 and never claimed to.

I've just said what if there isn't a solution because I'm struggling to find one.

@Valanice1989 which I responded to.

I feel for all of you op, you are all being let down.
Why is his 1-2-1 not there before he loses it? How does this help?
The school are failing him,
And the students he attacks.
He’s going to end up hate learning.

I don't think i’d report her to the police, i’d tell the school, but i’d hope i’d have sympathy for a mom whose child was being let down too and being hurt repeatedly.

She probably has no idea what her daughter is like at school coz I bet she goes ho,e and acts like an angel.
Ffs, this and her ‘loud voice’ stop with the victim blaming. She’s done nothing wrong.

A start of a solution would be not to demonise disabled children. Just a thought.

A quick trawl on the autism network reveals reports that 63% of ASD Children polled had been bullied - their disability being the source/reason for their bullying.

Autism is a disability and in the same way an adult wouldn't man handle a physically disabled child they shouldn't handle an ASD child - or any child.

My NT child has been bullied and it tore me up but I would never lay a hand on the bully. I'm an adult, they are not.

If, as some suggest, we need less inclusion, then I'd ask everyone to offer to pay more in tax so that we are able to afford more support and facilities for disabled children. I'm thinking about taking my ASD child out of mainstream but funnily enough there aren't places suitable because there is no money.

I've found this thread illuminating - in a bad way.

Fluffypineapple But it is always the bullied who moves school. There is ionly so much anyone can take!

That’s simply not the case. The vast majority of children moving or being removed from schools have special needs. The figures are staggering. And they are ones that can find suitable school places! The rest end up with no school place.

She probably has no idea what her daughter is like at school coz I bet she goes ho,e and acts like an angel

I missed this, not helpful at all. Unless she’s actively and deliberately making loud noises in order to trigger OPs DS (which hadn’t been mentioned so I’m guessing not) it’s not the girl’s fault her personality triggers OPs DS in this way. Again, for the eleventy billionth time, it is down to the school to manage this.

X post.

I’m not surprised she acted as she did. Her DD is entitled to receive an education in a safe environment, free from physical violence. If your son is unable to refrain from attacking fellow students then he should not be in mainstream school, he needs to be in an environment where he is properly supported.

The woman should not have grabbed him, but she’s probably at the end of her tether, frightened for her child who is being assaulted regularly and fed up of everyone else’s inaction. If it were me, I’d be reporting every single incident to the police, until the school dealt with the situation effectively.

@Notonthestairs

I for one would be happy to pay more tax for those reasons. I’m sorry your child was bullied, I hope it’s been stopped now.

I was responding to the post about describing the girl's mother as an "NT adult

I know.

She could have learning disabilities, for all we know.

So? We’re not allowed to maleness allowances for SN so what difference does it make if she does?

Make*

KT63 I'm not sure why you're taking that attitude with me.

I'm happy to be pointed to exactly where I might have demonised disabled children.

So it’s ok for an adult to lash out because they’re frightened or at the end of their tether but not a child who has limited control over what overloads him or not?

Just checking.