AIBU to think mother of son’s classmate shouldn’t have grabbed him?

[MissOlivier]

My son has shown some spiteful behaviour towards his class. He has ADHD and ASD. His behaviour is definitely getting harder to manage in a mainstream setting.

@Dermymc and your idea for a solution? Or is it just to criticise a child who is having their needs met?

I’ve often heard people refer to kids on the ASD just bad kids with the excuse of austism. And before someone on thier high horse tells me it’s bollocks, I wish it was. For those saying children deserve to have a safe learning environment, absolutley. I think some people don’t understand autism because they don’t see it as a real disability and they haven’t dealt with it on an everyday basis. My son still gets told off I never brush his behaviour under a rug, Every autistic child is different.
The school is at fault, it should have never got this far.

I’m sorry he (and you) had such a crap experience with his old school but I’m really glad things are looking up now. I hope he’s enjoying his new school and that you can have a bit of breathing space to stop fighting battles and enjoy him!

Thank you!!

Dermymc you’re a teacher with an attitude like that?! Inclusion isnt an awful concept, and infinitely preferable to the most vulnerable in society being discriminated against because it’s a bit more effort for everyone else!

@KT63 One child is having his needs met. What about the others?

I don't have a solution, it's a catch 22. Which child (ren) take priority?

KT63

*has special needs or not

When will people understand that this statement makes no fucking sense? It is absolutely and utterly telling people that A MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS AND CONDITION IS IRRELEVANT! Would you ask a deaf person to listen harder? A blind person to look harder? Someone with depression to “just get on with it”? Someone with a physical disability to just get up and walk? Or grow back a missing limb?

No you fucking wouldn’t. Because it would be wrong, and illegal and really really shit. But it’s ok to just dismiss a neurological disability as nothing eh?*

But NT children can expect to be bullied by pupils with SN...?

The fact that a child is being bullied by someone with SN does not alleviate the stress that child has to live with.

My dd was battered, bruised and verbally abused every single day. Should she have just put up with it?

The children who have to be quieter for those lessons still have access to education. I’m struggling to see the problem.

@BarbarianMum I wish I had your confidence in the police. My son was targeted on our old estate by a NT boy we’ll known for bullying vulnerable children (more than 30 sets of parents have contacted the police for violent and targeted assaults). My son couldn’t even play in the garden, but they would spit on him, throw bricks at him, hit him with sticks if they could get to him before I did to bring him inside. They even battered him the day my mum went into the hospice. Because he sounds different, because he talks to himself and doesn’t sound like them.

And the police? Did fuck all. Every fucking time. We had to sell up and move in the end to get my child to safety. Because the system failed us completely. I was charged for shouting at him by the way. He wasn’t even fucking cautioned for attacking my anxious, frightened, people pleasing boy.

And it’s attitudes like the ones prevalent on this thread which allow autistic people to be sidelined from society. From being part of society, from being considered equal and of equal worth. Because we’re easy targets and I for one am sick of it.

Bigpharma

Inclusion works in some cases don't get me wrong.

However in a lot of cases it doesn't. Spending 25% of one lesson focused on one student out of 30 is blatantly unfair. Yet it happens all over the country.

The real reason is lack of funding for proper support. But I can totally see the POV of other parents when their child is in a class with a pupil that behaves like this.

Fluffypineapple no one is saying that ANYONE should have to put up with violence. And if that’s what was happening then the children’s needs weren’t being met!

I wouldn’t call the Police if I were you, I think it would make the mother more inclined to reported the repeated assaults by your son in her daughter as a result.

The school needs to handle this better, your son’s EHCP will have stated that this school is the best provision for him and they have a duty of care to provide him with support he needs.

The girls has a right to an education without being a victim of violence on a regular basis.

What disturbed me most about this is the language the op is using around the girl. It’s been pointed out the the girl is “loud”
and she “triggers” him. That’s appalling victim blaming.

My dd was battered, bruised and verbally abused every single day. Should she have just put up with it?

Read everything I’ve written up to now, I can’t be arsed explaining it all again. It is up to the school to change things, not the child.

I’m sorry that happened to your DD, it shouldn’t have, but it is the school who are at fault.

Bigpharma they aren't accessing the best quality of education though. They are accessing a watered down version. That's not fair. It's not a race to the bottom of everyone accepting crap education.

Dermymc disability isn’t fair. If that means that some people as a result of their disability get nicer parking spaces, and wider toilets, or more attention in class, so be it.

@Skarossinkplunger OP said the girl being loud was a trigger. Not that she was bringing it on herself, she used a term used to describe things which cause meltdowns/lashing out for the loudness. Not the girl.

Dermymc I hear you. But it is down to the school to make the placement work. The child has an EHCP which if it was properly written, would ensure proper support that isn’t to the detriment of everyone else.

So it's fine for the rest of the class to suffer for one student?

That's blatantly unfair and not equal. That class aren't getting the same quality of education as the class next door? Again unfair. But hey as long as your child is in the classroom, sod the rest of the pupils.

@Dermymc I’ll ask again, what is the solution? Because as far as I can see it’s “get the kid who is causing problems out, job done.” Race to the bottom because one child has ASN and needs support? And you’re a teacher? I actually despair.

This thread is a fine illustration why the numbers of Home educating families have ROCKETED.

But hey as long as your child is in the classroom, sod the rest of the pupils

Or more accurately as long as nobody has to deal with our autistic kids it’ll be lovely for the “normal” ones.

The children who have to be quieter for those lessons still have access to education. I’m struggling to see the problem.

Collaborative working and sharing thoughts and ideas in class is a basic cornerstone of education. So they are being offered a much poorer education. It will impact their critical skills and probably their attainment too.

Why is is assumed that there has to be solution.

Perhaps a solution just doesn't exist which is ideal for all.

Dermymc please see this image: sometimes some people will need more help than other people.

Dermymc isn't the only teacher who feels that way. I'm long retired now but know a lot of teachers who feel the same way. Inclusion, in many schools is badly under resourced. Done on the cheap it works for nobody.

I was lucky enough to be teaching when our LEA funded SEN education properly. Too often now teachers are told to just get on with it. Not fair on anyone.