To think he can't control how I parent our son?

[hotstepper4]

Me and exh have been split up for 5 years. We share ds who is 7, custody is split 60/40 in exh favour as I had to move further out of town for financial reasons and ds school is 5 mins walk from exes flat.

We have always had different ways of parenting ds. Exh is structured, all about rules and schedules. Homework must be done immediately, bed at 7.30 pm on the dot, etc. He has always been very controlling.

Im more relaxed. I do ds homework with him on my weekends but I find time amongst the fun things we do to do it. Sometimes I still take a bath with ds at his request, he loves to play in the bath. I lay with him at night snuggled up with him until he's asleep. His room is a bit messy here.

Exh sent me a text tonight, long and rude saying that he does not want me bathing with ds anymore as its inappropriate and no more lying with him at night as he has to learn to fall asleep on his own. Homework must be main priority and I am not to baby ds anymore. He will be asking ds for reports weekly on whether I've laid with him at night or been in the bath with him.

Am I wrong? He's my son. This is how I parent. I think childhood is fleeting and should be fun, and flexible, and enjoyed. Can exh tell me how to behave when ds us with me?

I don't think she's being a Disney mum she just has a different and more alternative parenting style. Just tell him to get lost OP what's he going to do if you fail your 'report'?

I can just imagine a part time dad writing this post saying his ex is unreasonable expecting him to stop bathing and sleeping with their 7 year old daughter.

Walking it shouts reverse to me.

If this is a reverse then may I repeat my comment from the oranges thread and say that reverses are stupid

The orange thread was a reverse?

Actually, thinking about it, I don’t believe the spelling test anecdote. My DD is 7 & gets 8 spellings to learn each week. There is no way that the school would test them on a hundred spellings. It would take all day for a start off.

The dad could be very controlling & OP has admitted to being a Disney Mum. But I suspect that they just have different parenting styles. If the OP was that worried about how her ex parented her DS then she wouldn’t have left him behind & put her new man’s needs first.

@shanefolan29 says who exactly?

This moght be news to the many countries where family nudity is no biggie. Germany, denmark, russia, sweden and norway to an extent...... I could go on. And yet their children don't grow into to adult Oedipuses/ Elektras.

Of course you can choose what happens in your family but honestly, don't even begin to tell me my children will be damaged by seeing their parents naked after a completely arbitrary made-up age. That's patently ridiculous.

When my DC got a good spelling result I would say well done, but then help them practise the ones they didn't know. Is that bad?

I can easily imagine when they visited their other parent that they conveyed I was focused on them getting 100%. Lost in translation, accidental or deliberate?

Do other parents ignore stuff their children dont know?

''Of course you can choose what happens in your family but honestly, don't even begin to tell me my children will be damaged by seeing their parents naked after a completely arbitrary made-up age. That's patently ridiculous.''

my problem is not the nudity as much as the physical closeness here mixed with the nudity, baths are too small and the intimacy between a seven year old boy and a mother in that small space is wrong. Would you say the same if it was a father in a bath with his seven year old daughter?? Both are unacceptable really.

Unacceptable to you. Not to me, and I dont think it makes any difference if it is a father and a daughter. Why should it?

I see no problem with bathing with your seven year old if that's what he wants, or with snuggling with him. Anyone who thinks it's odd....... Is a bit odd.

Tell your ex that he can parent his way and you will do it your way.

Setting him to sleep is okay but seem as Alot of boys start masturbating between the ages of 10 and 13 I think bathing together is actually disgusting past 5/6 years old.

^^^ Very odd post DVG. A bit sick to be honest..........

I've got to say I am completely failing to see why a 10 mile move (which is NO distance at all) should have any effect on either your ability to have your DS 50:50 or your DH's ability to have his DC for overnights.

That just makes no sense

shane you state your opinion as fact. Unless you have evidence that a child bathing with their parent is damanging of course?

I think bathing together is actually disgusting past 5/6 years old.
No-one is forcing you to do it.
And your opinion is irrelevant to everyone else who isn't disgusted by nudity in families.

''Very odd post DVG. A bit sick to be honest..........''

it is not really though, i am male and i became sexually aware and gained physical attractions to naked bodies when i was about 7-I clearly remember it and I used to get aroused.That is why it is not appropriate for boys this age to be bathing with their mum or any adult infact. I think alot of people here grossly underestimate how aware a boy of seven actually is and grossly underestimate their mentality, they are seven-they are not two year olds. A parent cuddling with them in bed at seven is fine-but bathing together is certainly not and it disturbs me that people are ok with this.

He's a people pleaser bless him I think he just tells me and exh what he thinks each of us wants to hear.

Poor boy. Have a think about this.
He sees that you are playing each other off and is caught in the middle.

Time for both parents to out the child first and not score points against each other v

Once again shane please provide the evidence you must no doubt be aware of that bathing with a child is damaging.

@Shane.......

So your telling us that when you were seven you would get aroused by seeing your own mother naked?

It’s not how I’d do things but I’m more of a structured parent like your exh (although I wouldn’t say I’m controlling).

However your ex shouldn’t be telling you how to parent, is simply text back something along the lines of you appreciate his patently style is different, however you will continue to parent your dc as you see fit. If he has any issues you’re happy to discuss face to face, but not via text.

My DS6 loves a long bedtime routine which involves a story and cuddling up. I don't stay with him til he falls asleep but I do usually spend a lot of time with him. Do whatever feels best for you and him, I don't think that his DF should be dictating that to you.
DS will also jump in the bath with me given the chance. Very rare that I have a bath, especially before his bedtime, but if I do it's almost guaranteed he'll appear. I try to avoid it now, nothing to do with the nudity aspect, just the size of us both relative to the bathtub.
I grew up with divorced DP (who openly dislike each other). I loved being with them both regardless of the fact that they had very different parenting styles. I can empathise with your DS, i remember feeling that i needed to please/ agree with whichever parent I was with at the time.

i never saw her naked at that age for a reason as my mum knew this was possible, similar how she would not have put me in a bredroom with my sister but instead with my brother.

Be nice if OP came back to update......

Sheree parenting is really hard. Lots of focus on the detail of disputes but the point is imo that your exh can't dictate what goes on in your home that's just the way it is.

Also his reasoning is wack - clearly your ds can go to sleep alone because he's not kept company at exh house.

I don't wanna get in the bath with my kids but I fully sympathise with the op